WSJ.com Article on People Running So Much They're Ruining Their Marriages

wejo wrote:

So for everyone else out there feel free to chime in on how your spouse views your running.

Waxman is a Triathlete. Regardless of your views on triathletes, and the unending debate regrading their status/legitimacy/douchery on LRC, they have a different lifestyle than runners. I'm a runner who worked in the triathlon industry for four years and saw these types of guys every day.

I understand Wejo wants something to talk about and stir the pot, but few runners could committ the time that a rich, mid-life crisis, obsessed, white collar triathlete could to their training. I wouldn't doubt he's putting in double the hours that a serious marathoner would committ to their training. Additionally, he's absorbed by the added complexity of three sports and a pile of gear.

Yes, I think running can be tenuous on relationships; I've experienced it. But in this article's case, the reality is quite different.

I dunno. It seems like the worst thing this Waxman guy does is exercise a lot. On the grand scale of bad/stressful things a guy can do to his wife, this really isn't that bad.

Some guys can't hold a job.

Some guys cheat.

Some guys beat up their wife/children.

Some guys are drug addicts.

Some guys leave/divorce and disappear. No alimony. No child support.

This guy works out a lot.

Complaining that your husband works out too much is kind of like being a millionaire and complaining about taxes. Your gripe might be legitimate, but you still look like a douche by complaining to others that might not have it so good.

Really?! We've gone two and a half pages and only one comment about the snowshoeing picture :o

Guy is a weirdo. Most people who train while married aren't.

I think the Journal is normally a good paper...too bad they ran this article (especially with that picture).

Setting aside the extremes (full Ironman and ultra running), I have mostly seen families get closer thanks to endurance sports. Just stand around the finish area of your local marathon. You will see more touching family moments than you will see in an entire season of Oprah.

The so-called endurance sport widows are really people that are projecting other marital issues on to the spouse's dedication to running/tris, etc. Making time spent running etc. an issue is a way to hurt their spouse. They know that it is something their spouse loves and want to destroy it in order to get back at the spouse for other issues in the relationship.

I can't remember the last time I got up with my wife or went to sleep at the same time. But it has never been an issue because our relationship is strong. If you don't give your spouse some space to have their own interests, you will never have a good relationship.

I agree with you, but I will also add that having a desire to avoid your family for hours a day in favor of ironman or ultras probably means there are some other issues at hand.

Like someone said before, this isn't really about running as much as it is about ironman/ultra athletes. Can anyone really argue that those are not totally selfish endeavors? I mean, training for 6 hours a day? C'mon.

I've been married two months, and I have a two year old stepchild now. I ran in college and still training for my first Marathon. I always thought that when I was married and had a child that I would stop running completely, because I would lose motivation and still want to spend my day with my family. My wife is the one who encouraged me not to quit and to keep on training, just using better hours. Now I run in the mornings and once or twice a week in the evenings.

Most of the times I'm the one who feels guilty about running when I could be spending time with my family. But my wife supports me 100% and she never makes me feel like I am "wasting my time" like the wife in the article made it sound.

My overall enjoyment of running has improved a hundred times since running in college. Having my wife and daughter there to support me at races and everyday through training runs, my daughter gives me a kiss goodbye and is always excited to see me when I return, I think HELPS my training even though I don't run 100 MPW like I used to. In fact, I've ran two PBs, faster than times I ran in college, since I've been married.

From the article...

"Hoping for an hour of television or catching-up before bedtime?"

WTF!?!?!?! Hoping for an extra hour of television together? People have f***ed up definitions of being together. I don't understand this shit. How is watching TV any better than going running. Just because someone is "there" physically doesn't mean their mind is there, such as when watching TV. So why not be working out for that hour?

TL;DR wrote:

not so bitter divorced guy wrote:

I think that was one of the issues in my marriage with running. It made her feel insecure about her own appearance and weight.

I never looked at other women but running to give me a new circle of friends and made me a happier, more confident person. I think that was threatening to her.

I know you are better off - Some people just shouldn't be married to each other. I enjoy your posts and it makes me happy that you are in a better place.

Still, do you think you could have handled that particular situation differently? I have some running friends who chide their wives instead of encouraging them. It always seems weird to me...

Did you make her feel bad about herself? In retrospect?

Honestly I think we just were a bad match and should not have been married at all. By the time I started running with any dedication the marriage was already way, way on the rocks. That's why I said I think her being unhappy was symptomatic of other issues.

I never made her feel bad because she did not work out. I never made remarks about her weight. I think that (her body image) was an issue for her, not for me. Both the guy she cheated on me with and her current boyfriend are pretty heavy guys.

There are lots of things I did wrong and lots of things I could have done better but I don't think that was one of them.

the Waxmans sound like they have a horrible marriage. But I like some of the other stories in the article, like the couple that met at the start line of a marathon--my boyfriend and I met at a marathon start line too, and now we've been together almost a year. We both run 70+ mpw and our relationship is fantastic.

Okay, am I the only one to notice this? There was a thread about this one or two weeks ago right here on LRC.

Now I think one of three things happened: 1) The person that wrote the article must have seen the thread on here and got the idea for the article 2) The author of the article was actually the OP on that thread and was conducting research, 3) the LRC message boards, clearly more aware of current trends in the world of endurance sports than the WSJ, scooped said paper.

You have to wonder why the WSJ wanted to cover an issue that had already been discussed in a thorough and insightful manner in a major media outlet. Just goes to show what an unoriginal circle jerk the media is.

What should I do or say after my long run(21/2hrs or 3 hrs) when my husband says: "Let's have sex".

I have no energy, I just feel like taking a nap....

First of all, the article doesn't explicitly state this, but I believe there is a favorable inference that this guy is training twice a day. This is a problem. Be a man and just do what you can in one 60-90 minute session(that includes everything from stretching to core) and it will be a lot easier on the family. Second, it says he would train for SIX HOURS on the weekend. Really??? Cmon! Third, the guy needs to stop pretending he is a professional athlete, planning trips across the country. Save the trips for family vacations and enter local and regional races a few times a year.

You missed it. There was one reference to the snowshoe picture.

My wife knew what she was getting when she married me. I spend about as much time running now as then, though I cover fewer miles. She has always walked, swum, biked, xc skied, etc. I think she appreciates the time I spend running because I've always felt obligated to make sure she has time for the things she does. We have always made a point of looking out for each other's interests. If I'm really upset about something she'll kick me out of the house and make me run because she knows I'll be calmer after I get a run in.

Our oldest son got really into the sport when he got to high school and had some moderate success. She and I both had a great time following his career and high school teams. It's been a good thing overall. But you have to work on making it a good thing.

Short on time right now, haven't read anything but the quote on the front page, but my gf encourages me to run. I'm moody and unhappy and not my usual self if I don't run, and so she's supportive. I also do my best to not make it an issue in the relationship though. If we're going on a day trip somewhere I'll plan my schedule so that that day is a low mileage recovery day, and I'll just go and do a few miles in the morning.

My parents on the other hand never understood that running mattered at all, nor was it important that I was able to run when we went on trips. I understood things did not revolve around me, but they never considered my needs at all, even when I was going to school on an athletic scholarship.

I feel like once you have kids, especially young ones, running needs to drop down one (or more) in your list of priorities.

AGATA wrote:

What should I do or say after my long run(21/2hrs or 3 hrs) when my husband says: "Let's have sex".

I have no energy, I just feel like taking a nap....

My husband knows that he should only ask for sex on recovery days. :)

Also, to the guy who said that the other guy's wife was cheating on him b/c she goes to the gym every night--that's just crazy. I spend 1-2.5 hours per day working out and have never (and would never) cheat on my husband.

We met on a running trail, were engaged on the same trail, and married in the middle of our fave state park running trail. He had to stop running a few years back due to injury, but he still bikes/exercises a lot. It's a shared passion and has brought us much closer. I think he likes that I run.

When we used to run "together," even though he was much faster, we just drove to the trail together, started together, then he went ahead, and we finished at the same time. And we planned races together. And talked training together.

I honestly cannot imagine what couples who do not workout together actually DO together that is even remotely fun. ???

lalala wrote:

I honestly cannot imagine what couples who do not workout together actually DO together that is even remotely fun. ???

Uh... Aren't you the one with small tits?

Well, I can tell you one thing my wife and I do together that is fun. MOTORBOAT!!!!!!!!

This article is simply unbelievable on so many levels. The first thing that struck me as especially obnoxious was the wife, who claimed "many women would have left by now. but not me" as if she's making some grand sacrifice. Her husband is an extremely successful man who provides well for her family and his biggest apparent flaw is being too interested in working out. Yeah, honey, you bagged a real dud there.

Absolutely agreed with the guy who said that "an hour of television" is no more conducive to "togetherness" than solitary physical activity. What's more, watching television isn't constructive in any way. That's not condemning TV in anyway; a lot of people enjoy watching TV and that's just great, but if someone wants to voluntarily improve himself over something which is purely recreational, why not let him?

As for the whole "body image insecurity" nonsense - ...what?? So because a husband or wife or significant other takes it upon himself to look good, that's not okay anymore if it makes his partner feel bad? That's just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Most people WANT a partner who looks good, and is invested in keeping in shape for the sake of both health and looks. Anyone who says otherwise has insecurity issues that stem from things very separate from their partner's exercise habits. If they're feeling so bad about themselves, they should get out there and start exercising too!

Heck, if that's the case, or if it's taking away from "family time," why not try going running or biking or swimming with your husband or wife? Take the kids to the park and exercise with them. If you REALLY need a workout that they can't do with them, have your spouse or significant other come along and play with the kids while you get your run in. Is it really this hard or that big a deal?

I'm not saying exercise fanaticism is okay. It's not. When you miss your child's baseball games, or aren't there for an awards ceremony, or are missing dinners and dates with your spouse, it's a problem and you need help. If you're taking time out of the day which doesn't interfere with anyone, especially early morning running (which doesn't wake anyone), I don't see ANY problem. Period.

lalala wrote:

I honestly cannot imagine what couples who do not workout together actually DO together that is even remotely fun. ???

You must have a miserable marriage if the only thing fun about your husband is that he works out with you. I feel sorry for you.

Here are a few non-exercise things my husband and I did last week:

-Beer festival

-80s party at the Country Club

-Grilled fresh salmon with friends who just got back from fishing in Alaska

-Shopping for my daughters "Big Girl" room (well, fun for me at least)

-

Another woman wrote:

lalala wrote:

I honestly cannot imagine what couples who do not workout together actually DO together that is even remotely fun. ???

You must have a miserable marriage if the only thing fun about your husband is that he works out with you. I feel sorry for you.

Here are a few non-exercise things my husband and I did last week:

-Beer festival

-80s party at the Country Club

-Grilled fresh salmon with friends who just got back from fishing in Alaska

-Shopping for my daughters "Big Girl" room (well, fun for me at least)

-

Personally I would not enjoy a beerfest or country club gathering, but that's just me (nothing against you--to each his own!). We do regularly get-together with friends; just find exercise and outdoor activities (ex: hiking, canoeing) together more enjoyable.

We don't have kids but also enjoy time together with our pets, watching movies, reading, movies out, time with friends, traveling (although usually--almost always--our travel revolves around activity), renovating our house, searching for investment properties...just saying that all of that stuff would basically suck IMHO without running/other active activities done together. Essentially our most "alive" moments together as a couple, other than sex, have been forged on running/biking/hiking trails.