Murphy's Law of Running

You're wrapping up your 2-hour long run, and you pass an ultrarunner who is just finishing his 7-hour run and it makes you feel like a wimp!

If you run on the major holiday so that you don't feel like a slacker, no matter how nice the weather is when you start, it will turn to crap and make you wish you decided to be a slacker anyway.

When realizing that the "holiday slacker" law is a hard Murphy law and you decide to run the day before the major holiday but take the actual holiday off, then the "holiday slacker" law becomes a soft Murphy law, and it will rain on that day and be beautiful on the holiday which you take off.

You drop a nice deuce before a run and feel great then 5 minutes later when you are ready to run you have to go again.

You run through all types of weather conditions, log tons of miles and your shoe laces always stay tied. You enter a 5-K and even after double knotting your laces they come untied.

1. Given enough mileage over a period of times, you will crap your pants regardless of whether you go before or not.

2. The time you crap your pants will be when you're running with that hot girl that you just met.

3. If you don't take said crap in pants, you will find a nice spot in the woods, but you won't find any nice leaves.

Any race describing itself as "runner friendly" will in fact be runner-hostile because of the attendant crowding due to its appeal and focus on things not essential to racing.

You will always have to take a shit in the middle of a run and will always pick the worst spot to do it.

You will always do an out and back run on a country road and will always find that the dogs are waiting for you on the way back instead of the way out, forcing you to climb up a hill to loop around them.

And last, but not least:

You will always win the first small home meet of a cross country season against some pretty good competition, but will come down with some ungodly disease two days before your first real race that will affect you the rest of the season and ruin the most important cross country season of your life.

Story of my f***ing life.

Oh, and after taking special care to not have to use the bathroom during a 10k, you start feeling uncomfortable down there within the first mile of the 10k.

If you run into a wolf, don't pet it, its a wolf.

I think sometimes there can be a sort of reverse Murphy's law, like that episode of Seinfeld where George did everything the opposite of how he normally would and it turned out well for him. My example of this - I tried for two years to PR in a certain distance, ran 100 miles a week, ball breaker workouts, plenty of sleep, etc. Couldn't do it. So , a few months later, I haven't worked out in a month, I'm doing like 50 a week just sort of screwing around. I sign up for a race on a lark, get drunk the night before and sleep for 2 hours, get up and - BOOM - PR!

Probably the alcohol switched you from heel striking to forefoot striking or something! hee hee It's all "science" nowadays.

skwilli wrote:

Probably the alcohol switched you from heel striking to forefoot striking or something! hee hee It's all "science" nowadays.

Lol, maybe! I'll have to go get drunk and run in the snow to see if I can confirm this.

You FINALLY find that perfect pair of shoes only to discover a few months later that it's being discontinued.

You go for an out and back run with the intent to tempo the last half. You cross some railroad tracks before you start your tempo but on the way back while tempo-ing the longest coal carrying train you have ever seen is crawling along the tracks.

You forgot a hyphen!

Announcing a pass from any side will cause the slower moving runner/jogger/walker ahead of you freeze for a moment then jump to the side you said you were passing from causing an unavoidable collision.

Dean Karnazes will get a special invitation to compete in the 2012 US Olympic Marathon Trials and he will win in 3:25 when everyone else comes down with botulism, thus being the only American men's representative in the marathon in London. He and his sponsors will crow about it incessantly.

The same thing will happen at the Olympic Games. All of the world's male marathoners will get botulism again and Dean Karnazes will win an Olympic Gold medal.

Dean Karnazes will then be awarded control of USATF, monopolize all racing events and sponsors, and require every member to get his initials D and K tattooed on their ass cheeks as a show of undivided loyalty to their superior.

The phone call you have to take comes right when you are changed and about to head out the door for your run.

By the time you're done with the call, it is raining and/or dark.

but he is right: no one is using the syntax and style of a law of the physical world.

so if you want an injury related law you may want to try something like this:

For every great run which leaves you feeling awesome, there is an equal and opposite injury waiting to happen.

Dont forget the originals:

MURPHY'S LAWS

1) If anything can go wrong, it will (and at the worst possible moment).

2) Nothing is as easy as it looks.

3) Everything takes longer than you think it will.

MURPHY'S FOURTH LAW

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

and of course, my favorites:

GOLD'S LAW

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

and

COLE'S LAW

Thinly sliced cabbage.