My father in law wants to be the first to hold my newborn son... should I let him?

not who you think wrote:

I really want to be the first person to hold my son, but my father in law insists that he be the first to hold him. I don't have a problem with him or anything, it just bothers me that he would want to take that away from me. Am I being selfish? If not, should I tell him I want to be the first without hurting his feelings?

What the hell? Is this a troll post? It sure must be, and since I'm going to comment, I'll give you 9/10.

Dude, who in their right mind would demand they hold someone else's baby first? That is bogus beyond belief. No way in hell does he get to do that. Have your wife tell him no, but if she won't, then you demonstrate your Alpha Male prowess (if you have any...if not, GET some) by telling him that he can hold the baby after you and your wife get the initial private time with the baby.

What a freak your father-in-law is.

not who you think wrote:

I honestly don't know what to do next.

right. what are you afraid of losing? why would you keep it from your wife, really? The "added stress" comment is weak.

if you're not a troll, just tell the dude to piss off. it's your family, not his.

i used to work for a guy who would abuse people verbally and use manipulation to undermine people. he always said it was just business, nothing 'personal'. bullshit. call it like you see it. let the family know FIL is being a prick. If he comes out smelling like roses, cut his ass off. leverage him.

Read above, Flagpole. No, I am not trolling either. It may seem like it, but my father in law is pretty...eccentric to say the least.

this is a troll post, or you're a pretty sad sack of poo, my man. it's important that you do what you want in this situation.

Absolutely not! You cannot let this man do this to you. I don't care what he thinks he has done for you and your wife, or what he has actually done. It is your child, not his. It is your right as a father to be the first man to hold your newborn child. Not his. It is exceedingly disrespectful for him to even suggest it, much less demand it. You cannot let this man win.

You've got to bring this up either with your wife or with the doctor. Tell the doctor who your FIL is, since he is so well known, and that he is trying to bully you into this. The doctor may just mandate that the room be cleared of non essential personnel during the birth. Our second one did. As my wife reached the point of needing to push, she calmly told all family members except me to leave, that this was my wife's time to really concentrate and that she was in pain and needed only my support and medical support. She was calm but serious. A nurse then herded everyone out of the room.

I understand not wanting to bring your wife into it, as this is a time of great uncertainty, stress, and potential overwhelming joy. You do not want to increase the first two and you want to do everything not to decrease the third. But this guy has got to be stopped. You cannot allow this.

What about your MIL? Does she know of her husband's attitude? My guess is that any nurturing mother, as opposed to the overbearing type, would look to protect this occasion for her daughter and not let her husband screw it up. Get the MIL involved if it will be any help at all.

Whatever you do, talk to the doctor. Go by yourself or call if you have to. They want to know your birth plan anyway, so make sure this is a part of it.

I'm rooting for you: You must be the first man to hold your newborn child. You, and you alone.

I agree with Flagpole's assessment. You are a troll.

Tell the doctor and hospital staff not to let your FIL or MIL into the delivery room. They have to heed your wishes.

Please put an end to this stupid thread now. Thanks.

not who you think wrote:

I can't believe how he responded to this. He told me he is a very prestigious and well-known doctor around this area (he is) and that he WILL be in the operating room when my son is born, .

It wouldn't matter if he was the Surgeon General, if you and your wife don't want him in the room, the staff will (or should) see to it that he is not in the OR.

At least you now know what a asshole he really is. Had he given you clues before?

if this is not a troll...

let him read everyone's response, that should get it through your FIL's thick head.

First, congratulations!

Second, I guess I am coming late to this discussion, but here is my 1 cent:

You will have tons of time with your child in the future, to hold, to play, to wipe poop and clean up for the n-th time after. If it makes him so happy, let him have it. It is kind of creepy that this is what he was dreaming about when his daughter was born, but but if it may help him to be a better grandparent... Anyway, it is going to be a dr or a nurse who first holds your child, so which of you is number 3, 4 or 5, does it really matter to you? How about the mother, is she going to be number 10?

Seriously, all this is so insignificant on the larger scale of raising a child, that I think you should not even give it a second thought. Just enjoy and do not lose any sleep over it, because you should have all the sleep you can right now.

Cheers,

Charlie

1. Together with your wife talk about ALL plans at delivery time NOW.

2. If you have concerns about your Father-In-Law, know she probably has the same concerns about your family (esp. her Mother-In-Law).

3. Finally, once you two have your plan straight, law down the law. Talk to both your loving families and tell them the deal. The two of you talk to them together if possible.

It's been years now, but my wife and I have gone through this more than once having the luxury of a "too close" family on both sides. We called our families after the children were born on the hospital phone and told them baby and mom were settled and we would like them to now come and visit.

Beforehand WE told them to stay away from the hospital - and they did. Be in-charge and a good parent - law down the law as you start your own family now, it works.

Be a man. Grow some nuts and stick up for your family. Just the thought of rolling over and letting my father in law push me around like that burns me. That would never happen to my wife and I. How sad it must be for your wife to have married a pansy.

I say the doctor should toss that kid in the air and you both jumpball for it.

the problem now is that he knows you don't want him to hold the baby first. since he didn't back off when you told him to, he sounds like a jerk, and i bet he'll be covert about it if he can be. i don't know what goes on in a delivery room, but docs trade favors just like any other group. up your game if you want to win this one.

Tell the FIL that he can hold the baby first but that he must perform an oral act on you first......then he can be as big a queer as you. Man up, Boy!

I'm shocked and appalled that no one on LRC has given this advice; have a home birth supported by Mid wives and get the hospital and doctors out of the equation.

Giving birth is not an illness so having a baby in a hospital is a lousy idea and pretty much assures you of a cascading affect of interventions. Empower your wife with a birth story that will be the coronation of her womanhood rather than allowing her to be preyed upon by a bunch of medical professionals whose only goal is to make money and limit liability.

Also, there would be nothing your SOB FIL could do about it.

Accidentally forget to call him when your wife goes into labor. Remember to call after the baby is born.

Okay, I gave you the original advice you liked. With this new development, here's the next conversation...

"Again, with all respect sir, I don't give a f**k if you're Jesus Christ himself, you will not be holding that child prior to my wife and I."

And then walk away without another word. It may give him a new respect for you. It may drive a stake between the two of you. If it does, f**k him, he's not worth the effort a relationship requires anyway. The last thing in the world you can do now is cave because he pulled the controlling physician father card. You have to be as strong as he is. Hopefully he'll see that strength as a positive thing for his daughter's family. Good luck.

2/10 wrote:

Is he a mong? You could give him that other bit to hold. He probably wont know the difference.

OK, I will up my rating since you keep on sucking people in. I reckon this is now worth at least a 4.

Jefe in the CO wrote:

Empower your wife with a birth story that will be the coronation of her womanhood...

You are one creepy-ass dude.

OP, while I empathize with your desire to have some time with your own baby before other relatives are there, I think that your wife should get to be the one who determines who is and isn't in the room when she gives birth. She probably won't want him there or want a lot of people with her at all, and when it comes to in-laws, the person whose family it is should be the one laying down the rules. It's shouldn't be an unduly stressful decision for her if you focus the conversation around what she wants instead of using it to complain about her father. I assume that you'd have told us if she came from a family where everyone went to the doctor in the same room together all the time.

Secondly, have your wife enlist the female nurses to keep your FIL out if that's what she wants. It'll mean more coming from her than from you, and believe me, if your FIL is a jerk at the hospital who thinks he can tell everyone else what to do, the nurses know it and resent it and would love to put him in his place. It's not un-manly to refuse to get anyone else's help, it's un-manly to waste your time while your wife is giving birth arguing with your FIL about whether he can come in or not.