Best retaliation to getting yelled at while running

I was stopped in the middle of the road one time on the median waiting to get across. Some guys in a car went by, yelled some stuff, and shot me with some rubber bands. It ticked me off and it was a pretty congested street during rush hour, and they got stopped at a light. So I took off after them full force yelling like a crazy man. You could see their looks of amusement, turn to looks of the fear of God. They went nuts. They ran the red light and then drove up on the sidewalk in order to get around the other stopped cars so they could get away. Just as I was about to catch up to them to give their taillights a good kicking, they got around traffic and got away. Good thing too.

I give people free passes to my movies.

I guess then at least a few people will be at your heinous movies!

That one is timeless

Enigo Montoya wrote:

I was running along a fairly remote road, and a guy 'hollered' "hey fag, what'cha runnin' from" from his front porch. I stopped and looked, and his whole family was out there; mom, kids, etc. So I say, "I wanna have sex with your dog...." he just sort of stood there slack-jawed so I kept running.

This approach I like. Say something outlandish but completely non-threatening. It seems to confuse stupid people while simultaneously amusing those with more sense. I also like the "pretend the yeller is your friend approach". I mean, what does he say to his friends when you smile, wave, and say something like "Hey! Great to see you again! Did you get over that rash yet?"

One of my classic moments. A guy yelled out, "Hey, where are your pants?" I yelled back, "With your wife."

Another time, I ran by some kids. One said, "I can see your underwear." I replied, "No you can't." The kid then said, "How do you know?" I answered, "I'm not wearing any." That got a good laugh out of them.

Probably one of the funniest lines I ever heard came during a soccer game. A kid got fouled, the ref called it, but the kid's parents kept bitching about it. Finally, the ref said, "Look, I called the foul. What do you want me to do? Bend the guy over my knee and spank him?"

The thing I like about most of these posts is the pussy-like antics that follow your tough guy gesture; flipping the bird, curseing, etc. Most of you would never approach the person in retaliation to violence. Most of you would be caught on your heels trying to get out of an ass-whooping.

So, if you aren't ready to fight, don't open your mouths. If you are a pussy (which is fine) then admit it to yourself and don't say anything back.

While doing an afternoon run through campus a black Suburban full of frat guys tossed some Iced Moca Frappaccino shit out the window and hit me in the stomach. It hurt pretty bad, left a bruise afterwards. I had my keys with a sharp bottle opener in my hand, which came in handy when I started sprinting up to the Suburban which hit a stop light about 100m ahead. I calmly dragged the bottle opener across four of five pannels of the Suburban, which caused six meat heads to storm out of the truck. I'm guessing I caused a couple thousand dollars worth of paint damage. I lauged my ass off while these A&F clones tried to chase me down...Just to be safe, I cut my hair afterwards because the last thing you want is a group of frat brothers keeping an eye out for a long haired runner on campus.

cocksucker wrote:

The thing I like about most of these posts is the pussy-like antics that follow your tough guy gesture; flipping the bird, curseing, etc. Most of you would never approach the person in retaliation to violence. Most of you would be caught on your heels trying to get out of an ass-whooping.

So, if you aren't ready to fight, don't open your mouths. If you are a pussy (which is fine) then admit it to yourself and don't say anything back.

Why do you feel it is necessary to resort to violence? Maybe runners thinking of these humorous and creative comebacks is evidence of them using their brains rather than muscles. I would much rather be someone who can offer one of these witty retorts than someone like you who feels going the neanderthal route is best.

Rocker wrote:

Just to be safe, I cut my hair afterwards because the last thing you want is a group of frat brothers keeping an eye out for a long haired runner on campus.

Thanks for the tip. No wonder we didn't find you yet. You better sleep with one eye open!

hey cock sucker--i find most of these responses hilarious. judging by your post, i'm guessing that includes yourself (being a pussy, i mean).

How about trying "Drive Earnhart, Drive!" That's been a pretty good one in our group. Or, "Has that thing got a Hemmie in it?"

Its pretty interesting that some people claim they live in areas where they never get any comments. I can imagine if you lived down in Florida amongs a bunch of rich retirees that could be the case. But where I live I get comments EVERY DAMN DAY! I live in Ohio in a county where the unemployment rate is higher than every county except for the ones down South by the Ohio River and West Virginia. Most people (and I really mean most) are fat smokers and don't even get me started on the teeth. But I know some people who run around here and clam they don't get the smae overabundance of comments as I do. I think it boils down to how old you are, if you dress in actual running cloths, and if you weigh less than 150 pounds. If you're over 35, run in grey cotton sweats and weigh 195 I bet not a lot of people say shit to you.

How many of you ever fantasize about really killing some of these assholes? Like for real?

I've definitely had things said to me "Run Forest, Run" and "hey runner", etc. But nothing like someone throwing anything at me. This summer was one of the worst when this rather menacing appearing gang-banger type with his little buddy said "Hey, look at this fag." Said in a nice threatening manner. It pissed me off for the rest of my run. Of course I was fantasizing about how cool it would be if I was a martial arts badass and just went and destroyed him. Fortunately, I can take solace in knowing he will probably legally never make more than minimum wage.

On my way to a park to do hill repeats, I come across this 20-25 year old guy with a full bottle of wine. He looks at me as I go by, I nod, and he starts running next to me with his wine. I ask him if I can have a drink, and he starts yelling in what sounded like an Eastern European language. At this point, I start to pick it up, and he puts his leg out to try to trip me. This ploy fails, and he falls, shattering his bottle of wine. Funny stuff.

Another run, a buddy of mine sees a woman pregnant and smoking. Not one to be tactful, he says loudly that he couldn't believe a woman is smoking in that condition. Then, a large tatooed guy who was down the road responds, "Hey you shut the hell up, that is my girlfriend." Almost as a reaction, I respond "Geez, I wonder what her husband thinks of this." Didn't make him happy.

While I agree most people are nice or simply give weird looks, I never understand why running makes people so angry that they yell stuff.

On a positive note, I finish a lot of runs on this small mile loop near my apartment. For the first few weeks, a guy who would hang around the area would say stuff and make intimidating gestures. I would always wave, smile, or laugh, depending on my mood. Finally he got bored with this, and did nothing. Then one night, I finished my run and he was right in that area. I said hello, and he asked me if I was an Olympian. I said far from it, and we talked a bit. Now he says hello every time I see him, and even his friends will say hello. Good stuff.

'show us your tits' works everytime

Once my friend Thom and I were sitting in the lobby at our school waiting to start our long run. The basketball team comes out of the locker room and this one kid says "Nice shorts, fags" to which my friend replied "Nice game last night". Apparently the kid played all of 20 seconds and managed to have multiple turnovers in that game. It still makes me smile.

kid at my old high school clothes-lined some elementary kid that wouldnt shut the hell up. not a great idea, police didnt think it was funny.

a few weeks later the same guy chased a heckling kid all the way to his house and told his parents, which proceded to spank him on the font porch. very rewarding.

also, snowballs are a good option if you live in that sort of climate, if not, rocks do fine.

About five or six years ago Marc Davis got in a brawl with some chunky Boulder high kid who called him a fag and made fun of his skimpy Nike shorts and Billy Idol hair. Boxed his ears in for about fifteen minutes while his friends stood and watched.