Have You Ever Dated Your Best Friend?

damn, i feel your pain. been trying to do the same but putting it off. sucks but i commend your bravery.

it seems to me that if she misses you and comes back, you're golden. if you give in, though, you will NEVER be anything other than a friend. sorry.

Contrary to my name, I do have a social life. But the poster above me is ABSOLUTELY correct. What you said to her, "needsomehelp", was terrific. You gave her the ultimatum, that you're gonna date or you'll be nothing at all. It puts the ball in your court and gives you the clear answer. If she comes running back to you in the next couple weeks, then you have your answer. If you two never talk again, you have your answer. But do NOT say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said, lets just be friends", you're done.

I know because I have been in that situation before. I'm in it right now again, actually. Good luck with it though dude. I hope for your sake she goes running back to you.

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. But now what do I do? Avoid her at all costs? That’s what I have been doing lately but we have the same group of friends so I'm bound to run into her eventually. And when I do run into her do I act like myself or do I avoid having any conversation with her?

johnny chimpo wrote:

Female here. I have never dated my best male friend. However, one of my ex's is one my best friends now that we've been broken up for quite a while. I guarantee there is no "what could have been" going through either of our minds. While we meet key character traits that are important, there are certain important . . . quirks . . . that do not mesh.

If you think that he wouldn't tag you at the drop of a dime, you're crazy.

needsomehelp wrote:

She then continued to babble about being friends and compared me to one of our closest friends who had gotten turned down by her about a year earlier. We then stood there not really saying anything. Then I reinforced my point that I couldn't hang out with her anymore without thinking of her as more than a friend. Then I walked off.

It doesn't really hurt at all yet. I mean, the conversation was really painful, but I am really glad I got that cleared up. I'm sure I will feel like hell later though when I realized I just lost my best friend and the girl of my dreams all at the same time.

Double-posting here, but you are my hero. If she doesn't clue in, then there's no need to worry about losing the girl of your dreams. Someone great is eventually going to come along and capitalize on what she lost (you). Congrats: it only gets easier from here.

I've had a similar situation some of you have been in.

This girl and I were best friends for three years before we started a relationship for 1.5 or so, to the point where people always thought we were going out. What you're describing, the whole "I don't want to lose you as a friend" thing happened before we went out, and the "I don't deserve this" crap from her too.

Things didn't work out. I was wrecked for sixth months; six months I won't get back. Running sucked, seeing pictures of her sucked, life sucked.

I wish I had had the balls you had back in June when this all started. I know it must suck right now (losing the best friend and the girl of your dreams in one fell swoop, as you mentioned), but trust me, it does get better.

At least this gal didn't bounce to a teammate of yours in t-minus, oh, two weeks. Despite all that, I won't say anything bad about the girl; I'm sure you'll understand what I mean eventually. You're lucky you spoke up when you did.

So I want to know if my best friend likes me or if she is just my friend. 1. She calls almost everyday and she tells me about her day 2. When she goes out she will text me or call me after she goes out 3. Pretty much every time we hang out, we hang out by ourselves

If you have any input either shoe does or doesn't feel free to write them.

It really sucks-- sorry to hear it didn't work out. I was hoping for a happier ending, but I can't say I'm surprised, given the situation. There's not much you can do but avoid her at this point, though. Trying to be "just friends" on her terms would just be too painful.

I'm convinced the "just friends" thing can't really happen.

It is possible to be 'just friends' with (relatively unattractive) female colleagues, but there has to be something else forcing you to spend a lot of time with them. Perhaps its not possible in purely social relationships though.

If a girl regularly calls, texts, emails a guy because they have similar interests, do guys take that as 'she's into me'? I like this guy and we have a good time when we talk or hang out. We've both had bad relationships with other people and sometimes it feels like if I get too close he pulls away. We are good friends. Would it be best to give a guy like this some space?

are you giving off a weird, uncomfortable vibe because you secretly like him

"it feels like if I get too close he pulls away"

it's because he hates getting hurt by your constant rejection, which you characterize as a "friendship". a girl who has this type of relationship with a straight man (who has ever had feelings for her) is likely breaking his heart. when you "get too close" he knows it's going to hit him like a train once again when you decide to go on to someone "better". your haughty noble justifications make him feel no better.

because everytime you say "I like you" he hears "I don't love you". unfortunately, if you can't tell, i have extensive experience in the subject.

Here's the thing, I really *do* like him. As more than a friend, but I'm afraid he'll get scared. Lame, I know.

AuroraXCgurl wrote:

Here's the thing, I really *do* like him. As more than a friend, but I'm afraid he'll get scared. Lame, I know.

Wow, I just went through a very similar situation here. It's worth a shot, I think. Just be prepared for the emotional consequences if he does not feel the same way.

So, is the general consensus don't date a good friend? If a guy tells you all kinds of stuff about his personal life and never asks anything about you, he's just using you or being selfish - yes? Just trying to clear things up. I'm in a similar situation at the current moment.

gopherCC wrote:

So, is the general consensus don't date a good friend? If a guy tells you all kinds of stuff about his personal life and never asks anything about you, he's just using you or being selfish - yes? Just trying to clear things up. I'm in a similar situation at the current moment.

While it sucks that it didn't work out, I knew what the potential consequences were when I decided to ask her out and I have no regrets.

No, I haven't dated my best friend, but if I were gay I'd consider it.

you know how i know all you guys are gay? cuz you're talking about being best friends with chicks.

I dated my best girl-friend, and it was the best relationship that I've ever had. We clicked on pretty much every single level. I was crazy about her.

We broke up once we went off to college and the long distance thing didn't really work out for her.

I liked her for a long time before we dated, although I never thought anything was going to happen. I always had this kind of hidden desire that we would eventually date.

It eventually worked out and it was worth every second. Had I not dated her I would probably still be sitting here thinking about what could have been, that's a worse feeling than going for it and not having it work out in the end. gG for it... you're an idiot if you don't.

Things are a bit awkward now, but I think that with time it will get back to how it used to be (really good friends) and I hope that I do. It's also tough to have a friendly relationship when we go to different schools. However, I wouldn't have changed a thing that ever happened.