hmmmm, i'd def talk to him and ask, listen something is off, do you want some time apart or something? obviously, it seems like you still want to date him so tell him that you still want to be with him. if he says he needs time, which it honestly seems like he does, don't get down. you can get over him and maybe find someone who is closer and will put in the time. being single is much better than having a bf who you constantly have to worry about. trust me i know.
don't let him blame grad school and stress from it, ya da ya da ya da...
people on here bitch and bitch about how hard grad school is... whatever, half of them sit around staring at their computer wasting half their day on letsrun while they are there.
i'll give people an adjustment period for sure, but i ended up treating grad school like an 8 to 5 job. that left me plenty of time to study, write a dissertation, run and meet a wife and get married
You sound like a kind and wonderful man. It is so nice to read this sort of helpful and genuine post on a message board so fraught with meanness. I hope you find a woman who can love you the way you deserve to be loved!
TROLL ALERT
TROLL ALERT
TROLL ALERT
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You'd just shut him off anyway. See my "post nuptial shut off" thread elsewhere.
It's not your fault, that's just the way women are.
If your German Fernandez' girlfriend this would be extremely funny because I believe you two just broke up last night.
1. It sounds to me as if you're under 25 years old. So why are you in a relationship in the first place? Both of you are too immature to be in a relationship (at least there were no kids involved).
2. Long Distance Relationships don't work. And it's clear you don't trust your man, so why do you think it will get any better? Do you honestly think that your man can live weeks if not months without you and not have any urges?
3. It doesn't matter if you made a mistake and helped him financially in the past. The past is the past. If you loved your man so much, you would have moved with him. So why didn't you move with him? Again, you are too immature to be in a relationship.
Man, the more I listen to Tom Leykis, the easier it is to start sounding like him! Take me out Kobe style!!!
I love you all, guys :-) the troll alerts and jokesters included. So many great people here (I mean that).
Someone posted that I shouldn't ask for relationship advice here, but I disagree. I just don't feel like telling my friends, coworkers or mom about this (my mom loves my boyfriend and would be too sad about it anyway). I don't know...I would feel like a fool...Also I don't have brothers and it's nice to also have a male perspective. Finally I feel like people tell it as it is here since they don't know me and it's anonymous. I also enjoy how diverse letsrunnners are, girls, guys, young, experienced, married, single...but all very smart for sure.
In response to another post (sorry I don't have time to respond to every question, I'm at work and pretty tired--almost no sleep last night) the relationship was strained before he left. He was a little bit moody and stressed out...anxious to succeed and do well (he got accepted in a top, demanding school). So I guess that's why I am feeling a little bit insecure right now. He's not the talkative type (hates phone calls) and I feel like he shut me down, I guess. But then again I have to live my own life, and be strong, I know that.
On a final note I am sorry to have mentioned the money thing. I have a well-paid job and helped him last year, but he didn't ask me to do that. It's just normal because he's my bf and I could afford it. I'm really sorry I mentioned it because I don't regret it, no matter what. Somehow in my first post I just wanted to let you know that we had a serious thing going on (serious enough for me do that). Money is not the issue, and it's never that important in the grand scheme of things anyway.
Thanks everybody. Remember to be nice to your loved ones.
Have a great day.
Hey feelingdown,
Are you on facebook?
yes, I'm on Facebook.
You could do what my ex girlfriend did when I first went to college. She got on my computer which had my passwords saved for my online accounts (facebook, msn, aim, etc) and you can delete any female friends that try to contact him after sending them rather hateful messages from my name that would scare them off. It might also be helpful to tell him your pregnant even if you arent. Just my two cents.
Hey feeling down,
I wouldn't totally dispair. I'm going through a similar adjustment-- my boyfriend and I just started a long distance relationship when he went off to b-school. It's an adjustment, for sure, and life you've said about your boyfriend, he's not particularly good on the phone which adds to the stress.
My suggestions--- you need to define the expectations with your BF more clearly. It's only fair to you (and him) that you both clearly know what the other needs. Before my BF left, we decided that we'd talk every day on the phone, even if it has to be brief at times, and try to see each other every other weekend. It doesn't always work, sometimes we're both busy and can't catch up on the phone, but both of us know that it has to be a priority. And we try to plan the visits well in advance ....that helps me when I feel lonely or frustrated with the arrangement-- I know exactly when I'll see him next. It really helps. Those kinds of talks (setting ground rules, etc) aren't fun, but they're necessary....
I agree that it's hard watching someone starting grad school when you're not. I find myself getting jealous of him and all the new friends and experiences he's having, while my life seems like it's more boring than ever. I can't help but feel like he's having all the fun (although I know he's studying a lot) while I'm drudging through work. I think those feelings are natural.
Also, to deal with the fact that neither of us are great on the phone, my BF and I are trying to come up with other forms of communication. To me, exchanging a few light hearted emails during the day helps (we have a somewhat hard time keeping the humor going on the phone). I keep meaning to try webcams, just to have the visual connection (my sister and her boyfriend did this when they were long distance and it seemed to work).
I guess, just hang in there and try to keep the communication going....this stage is hard in any LD relationship!
I would get a dildo now.
Maybe he no longer has time to deal with needy attention whores.
just being honest wrote:
Maybe he no longer has time to deal with needy attention whores.
DING DING DING!
Same thing happened with me and my exgirlfriend of over 3 years. She was the one who went away and was acting like your boyfriend. She eventually broke up with me. In my case I should have known because even though she told me she loved me and she wanted to be with me and all that other bs, she could never say that she was truly committed. I guess I was committed and hoped one day she would be too, which was my mistake. I should have not depended so much on that "relationship" and ditched that girl sooner. It was hard though, because after that long, the thought of breaking up made me feel like I would be admitting that I made a mistake. But that's what she was and it would have saved me time and heartache if I'd just admitted it. If your boyfriend can't say that he's truly committed (not like asking him to marry, just to say that at least in the present he is committed) then I say forgot him. Tell him he has to make the choice: be committed to the relationship or end it and stop twisting around your emotions as he drags the relationship along with putting much of himself into it. And if he does decide to go the break up route, it'll hurt a lot at first but eventually you'll get over it and in the end you'll meet someone better (maybe not the next day or month or even year, but eventually). I wish someone would have given me that advice.
I wanted to add that every relationship is different, so my experience and the experiences of all the other people who responded will all be different from yours. So I'm not saying your relationship won't work, just that it sounds similar to my situation that didn't work. If you can get it to work, more power to you.
tell him you want date other people.
he'll snap right back into shape.
men love competition.
tell him you want to date other people.
he'll snap right back into shape.
men love competition.