Starting to fall for a married woman

you are a weirdo wrote:

uh oh wrote:

I'm not after her just to get physical.

Why the hell were you after her at all, then?

"emotional connetedness"...or some b/s on the oprah show/oxygen network/in O magazine.

does the answer change if she is engaged instead of married? Is it a wrong to break up said engagement? When I did that I felt it was better for the guy to find out before marriage that potential wife is a kiniving cheating whore.

Nope, always better to find out sooner than later.

I think you mean "conniving."

Seriously man, try to bang her! You may as well get some payoff for all the time you've wasted feeding her ego.

ciclista wrote:

Also... don't think anyone has mentioned the potential for Sexual Harassment to be mentioned if he takes this one a little too strong. Some companies REALLY don't mess around with that ish.

I agree. If anyone even whispers "sexual harassment" most companies won't wait to find out who is right or wrong. You'll be out the door with no job references and a ruined career. That's not even the worst case scenario. If her husband finds out, she could try to save herself from embarrassment and claim the "R" word. Try fighting that one. Just back away.

Well good news and bad news. I agree with the previous poster. If you are in your 30's and single there is something wrong....with you. However, the good news is it is probably fixable.

1) Get your head right. Good to Amazon and buy "The Way to the Superior Man" by David Deadra (sp?) Another LR poster suggested this to me and it was an awesome book.

2) After #1 (which is the main advice) improve your social skills. Honestly, if you are in your 30's, a runner and hanging out with married women and posting on LR, you are a social misfit. Get some hobbies and make some guy friends. Don't be needy and desperate because everyone hates those kinds of people. Running club, Church group, bowling league, whatever fits your style. The main thing is same sex friends.

3) Stop being a running dork. Most women are turned off by 135 pound "men". Stop running so much, drink some protein drinks, get into a good weight lifting program and gain some weight. Running too much can isolate you and make you too weird. For example, when I was running a lot I was always tired, didn't want to stay out late because I had a big workout the next day, or I was pissed off when I was injured etc.

4) After you get your head right and develop social skills and a social life you are almost there. Like the other poster said get your teeth fixed, wear contact lens, get a decent hair cut, wear good clothes and shoes (amazing how women check out a guys shoes). Plenty of pros out there that can give you some advice on clothes, hair etc

Finally, women really are over rated. Don't count on another person to make you happy.

OK. Refer to the post nuptial cut off thread. Married women are really not that into sex. Maybe when they were younger they were horny but, man, once they bite into wedding cake they lose interest. Guaranteed she is not into sex, so why bother? Get your slack self some bro's and head out on the town for some good old fashioned binge drinking and you'll find a babe.

she is using you to get out of the relationship.

I have been down this road.....don't follow me. Walk away...

Dude - chicks are meant to be banged! "Girlfriend" is an oxy moron. Her mouth is not meant for having lunch with you or responding to your endless babble. Grow a pair and take this "relationship" to the next level!

Off the Grid wrote:

she is using you to get out of the relationship.

I have been down this road.....don't follow me.

Reading a lot of the replies it sounds to me like there have been a lot of male posters. Anyway, this is a woman's perspecitve on the situation: My gut feeling on your situation would be something similar to the quote above. I don't think your situation is hopeless but it may very well lead to heartache for you. I also think that it is likely that the lady's relationship with her husband is over and she is realsing this more and more because of the fun and laughter she is having with you. Should she decide to walk away for him then she may still not be mentally ready for a relationship with you. It's hard to know what's right. My opinion on love and relationship is generally not to play it safe. If you always play it safe and try to protect yourself you will never find love. So I would dive in, follow the road you have started to go down BUT be aware that you could come out hurt at the end of all this. If you don't want to risk being hurt you're better to walk away.

Just another woman's opinion (BTW, wasn't it already established that thread was started by a troll? Anyway...)

This woman may be THINKING about the sex and the OP as much as he thinks about her and yet at the same time have no intention of leaving her husband. Ever. Women, especially ones that have been hot their whole lives and are feeling the effects of aging, still enjoy male attention. Husbands, while they may love their wives dearly, are not fawning over them anymore and even start to take them for granted. (Sometimes the reason for post-nuptial shut-off, perhaps?) At the basic level of love and support, the marriage may be going well enough to not want to mess it up. Some women just like to be reminded that they still got it going on. And yet still want to remain married and faithfully married. So they accept the attention of a male friends and enjoy the fact that this men wish they weren't married. Cruel, but that's the way it goes.

On the other hand, there are lots of men out there, that are only attracted to woman they can't have. Some sort of commitment problem. Sure, there are women like this too. It's just easier emotionally to get involved with someone that it's never going to really work out with, anyway. Love is messed up.

Rest assured, if she likes you, she will tell her husband about you. It's a chick thing.

Lilian wrote:

Should she decide to walk away for him then she may still not be mentally ready for a relationship with you. It's hard to know what's right. My opinion on love and relationship is generally not to play it safe. If you always play it safe and try to protect yourself you will never find love. So I would dive in, follow the road you have started to go down BUT be aware that you could come out hurt at the end of all this. If you don't want to risk being hurt you're better to walk away.

Agreed.

There sure are a lot of replies on here about jumping from talking, to getting married, and them divorcing. That sure is a huge jump! There is a whole rest of the world out there in between.

As long as you are close to her then there is no reason to change that. There is no more or less chance of getting married to her than any other woman you are attracted to. Forget thoughts like that as it's too much of a leap from where you are now. Live in the present and enjoy your relationship with her. You enjoy her company so enjoy it.

old married fart wrote:

OK. Refer to the post nuptial cut off thread. Married women are really not that into sex. Maybe when they were younger they were horny but, man, once they bite into wedding cake they lose interest. Guaranteed she is not into sex, so why bother? Get your slack self some bro's and head out on the town for some good old fashioned binge drinking and you'll find a babe.

Yeah, go get yourself some bro's:

When I clicked on this thread, I assumed it was going to be about Sarah Palin.

I was going to say "Me and you both brother".

We went out for drinks after work on Friday, and I asked her why she never talks about her husband. She got really uncomfortable and didn't have much of an answer. She finally asked if we had to talk about it right then. I said we didn't, but given the setting it seemed like as good a time as any.

I think I have to talk with her about how I feel. I realize it puts us both in an awkward situation, but I'm literally losing sleep over this and I don't think I'm alone here. Even if we decide that I need to spend less time with her, at least she'll know where I'm coming from when it happens.

Just felt the need to follow up on this as I continue to try and sort things out in my head.

RLT wrote:

When I clicked on this thread, I assumed it was going to be about Sarah Palin.

I was going to say "Me and you both brother".

To that I would say that you have pretty low standards and are embarrassingly easy.

uh oh wrote:

We went out for drinks after work on Friday, and I asked her why she never talks about her husband. She got really uncomfortable and didn't have much of an answer. She finally asked if we had to talk about it right then. I said we didn't, but given the setting it seemed like as good a time as any.

I think I have to talk with her about how I feel. I realize it puts us both in an awkward situation, but I'm literally losing sleep over this and I don't think I'm alone here. Even if we decide that I need to spend less time with her, at least she'll know where I'm coming from when it happens.

Just felt the need to follow up on this as I continue to try and sort things out in my head.

This is complete bull and not a surprise at all. So much for you trying to "distance" yourself.

And what I said before bears repeating.

"You are looking for permission to help a married woman cheat on her husband. You are looking for someone to tell you it is OK. Stop pretending that you are "wondering what your next move is".

The only thing worse than someone who does something that's clearly unethical is someone who tries to pretend it isn't or that they cant help themselves. Be a man already."

You bang her yet?