Girlfriend needs money for a car - should I help her?

Ooops...sorry didn't see the previous post..

is she black, inchworm?

if she is...

dam.

she better be hotter than Allyson. Thats all I'm going to say. Poor sums it up pretty well. You're f***ed.

I love peeps wrote:

is she black, inchworm?

if she is...

dam.

she better be hotter than Allyson. Thats all I'm going to say. Poor sums it up pretty well. You're f***ed.

She's latino. And I'm very attracted to her of course.

Inchworm, I will take you at your word that you are not a troll. Here's the deal though...do it if you want, but realize it does not buy her unending love and devotion. She's just 20 years old. The likelihood that you two will end up together long term is remote. Once you start to give her money, it won't end either. Since you are getting good sex from her, there can be no altruism attached to this. You like her and what she can provide you. That's why you are willing to part with some cash. A 26-year old guy who makes 80 large has enough to do that if he wants. Just know two things deeply -- 1) she will probably leave you at some point; 2) there's nothing altruistic about this.

I'm not saying this all to be mean. You can see that my opinion is the majority here. You are blinded by the sex. We can all see it clearly. I'm sure she's great -- no one is saying she isn't. Giving her money doesn't make you a good guy though, and it doesn't ensure she'll be with you longer. I'm always a little leary of some young woman who will already be to the point of "having great sex" with a guy just 4 months in anyway. If she's so ready to give it up to you so early on then she's surely ready to give it to some other guy down the road. I think a close guy friend of yours would tell you not to give her any money -- that's all we're all saying to you too.

Wouldn't hookers be a better value? You're up to ~$2,800 so far + the liability on the credit card. What's the credit limit on that? Another $5k? I'll bet she gets $5-10k out of you before she's done with you.

that was sound advice... i would concur with everything, except in the case that it won't affect the length of the relationship... if she is looking for a guy who will give her money and you don't then she will leave.. you'd be much better off though. i gotta say this doesn't look good though. i would never give any girl any money, and if they asked for it i would be looking for a new gf on the spot.

If she's just looking for money, then I agree that if he gives her money she will stay longer than if he didn't. He's got to really give her a lot of money over time though to keep her if she's just a gold digger. From what he says, it appears she's probably NOT a gold digger. If that's the case, then him giving her money won't keep her around longer than she was going to be anyway. There's just not really too many reasons I can think of to give her money or buy her expensive things. 4 months in doesn't deserve that kind of thing yet.

Why are you dating a 20 year old? There is a huge gap in life experiences. Mabey not maturity, as you are thinking about helping her out when you have only been dating FOR FOUR FREAKING MONTHS!

im saying the same thing as everyone else....

dude if she has to ask you for money, she is not a keeper. if you want a mature woman who can work for herself, dont date her. its rediculous that she has to ask you. you would figure she has enough respect for you if she might say, 'hey you dont have to pay even though you offered.' she sounds selfish.

and dude im guessing your friend didnt help pay for your car when you were younger, it was probably your parents. BIG DIFFERENCE. so dont say i feel like i gotta give money to someone else.

im guessing the only reason your giving her money is to keep her. stand up for yourself and tell her that you wont. she shouldnt get mad if she cares about you.

your really being too nice in this situation. being too nice in this world will f*** you over. because there are people out there that will eat you up, not saying she is one of them....

I've been told that people frequently play the role of victim or rescuer in relationships. (There might be another category, but I'm not a psychologist, and I really don't remember.) In any event, you are clearly enamored with the rescuer role in this relationship. Do you have a history of trying to be the knight in shining armor? You don't have to tell me, just ask yourself.

OldXCguy as therapist

Watch Judge Judy. You will find your answer there.

Sounds like you've got an inchworm.

girl who runs a lot wrote:

Why are you dating a 20 year old? There is a huge gap in life experiences. Mabey not maturity, as you are thinking about helping her out when you have only been dating FOR FOUR FREAKING MONTHS!

To answer your question, OP Inchworm is a classic example of a control freak. You see it all the time.

Gets a young naive girl into a world of indebtedness.

Also, the old guy/young girl relationship. Inchworm knows he couldn't control a woman his own age.

Fair assessment?

While you were sleeping the rules have changed.

Your credit card in her name will no longer be considered when her creditworthiness is evaluated by the credit people.

Keep your hand firmly on your billfold else we'll see you and her soon on the Judge Brown show.

Inchworm,

As you may have noticed, every poster with half a brain is giving you the same answer: NO!!

But you are clearly going to do what you want.

On another note, if driving 20 miles to see her is a hassle, she's not the one.

desert rodent wrote:

To answer your question, OP Inchworm is a classic example of a control freak. You see it all the time.

Gets a young naive girl into a world of indebtedness.

Also, the old guy/young girl relationship. Inchworm knows he couldn't control a woman his own age.

Fair assessment?

26 is old? :(

Yes, 26 is old. At that age neither one of them should have an attachment. If she is a poor college student working full-time, where does she get the time for this boyfriend indulgence?

Also, isn't it the FATHER'S responsibility to provide for his daughter; not the boyfriend's.

I can kind of sympathize--my situation is similar, but the girl couldn't be more different. I'm 24 making good money for the first time; she's 21 and still in school.

She won't let me buy her as much as a drink. One night she bought me 6 drinks on her cashed debit card and every drink bounced her empty account. She's living with me and I've been able to dissuade her from pawning her grandmother's jewelry to help me out with the rent (I don't need help with it). She also strips to make end's meet. Despite all of this every time I get home I find she's taken the bus to pick up a new 6 pack.

I think in The Prophet they said, "you should love someone more than you need them." While I'm far from sure about this girl, I think the maxim still applies and is, I think, applicable to your relationship as well.

You are probably going to continue feeding her money so atleast get something out of it in addition to good sex. Hire her as your personal assistant.

Example: Pay her $10 an hour cash for her to do anything and everything you tell her to do.

She will end up making more money than she is now and not get taxed. Hire her to cook, clean, tend to the garden, laundry, change the oil in your car, work in sexy attire, etc. You will be helping her, she will be helping you, you will spend more time together, and you will probably have more time to run. She will need to move in with you to do this but if you are really into her and she is into you it's cool.