I was married for 25 years and had 4 kids to a woman who was not my soulmate. I found my soulmate but we are is so similar to each other it’s not as perfect as you would think. I mean, it’s like we are literally the same person and I’m not sh*tting you. When your imperfections are staring back at you in the mirror it can be unnerving. A true “soulmate” is far, far more complicated than you think.
While extremely rare, my cousin actually DID marry his best friend. In kindergarten he sat next to a girl and they 'decided' to be best friends. All through grade school, junior high, high school and college...got married. Now married 18 years, have two wonderful children.
As a female who married her second boyfriend. Men who delay marriage to play around will have less choice. Many of us are not searching for men to marry when we are 30 or 35 or even 26. We already are married, or know who we are going to marry.
There are so many married men out there who try to chat to us at races and just slightly push the boundary of what is appropriate. Its very tedious. They will try all sorts of tactics, offering ride shares to competitions, trying to "advise" you how to train, hanging around the finish line to check in on you and chat about your performance, which then extends into your race, contacting you on social media "to chat". Of course theres also married men who want affairs, who are even worse. All with a similar story to the OP.
Can I also say that there are a number of married men who choose the homely woman deliberately? The one who isn't their soulmate, or great love, or whatever. They do that to have a peaceful life or avoid competition from other men. The married men trying to do the chatting to us at races are ALWAYS in this category. They never seem to be able to marry a female runner, or a woman who shares their hobby, even when there many women who do that hobby. Increasingly, I see men at races with girlfriends from the far east (its never Germany, or Sweden, or France or similar) and they can barely communicate because the woman hardly speaks English, yet she hang around like a little dutiful maidservant. These are the worst men by far for trying the extra-curricular contact I describe above.
My advice to the OP is to date women who share your interests and values, who have a similar level of education to you and a similar background. You're more likely to form a strong connection with them based on shared interests and background than with random strangers. Your kids will then be less likely to grow up in a single parent family too.
Question in the title. Hard if not impossible to find someone who is an awesome match for you in every way. What if you find someone who is a "good enough" match for you in most areas but just okay in others too? Anyone here like that? Can you still he happily married to someone like that, raise a family, etc? Would like to hear personal experiences if possible.
There’s no such thing as a soul mate. That’s something we have made up. There’s several people in the world of billions that you could be happily marred to and compatible. Sounds like you have found one of them. It’s human nature not to be content and see the grass looking greener on the other side!
Men who delay marriage to play around will have less choice. Many of us are not searching for men to marry when we are 30 or 35 or even 26. We already are married, or know who we are going to marry.
Meh. Many are already divorced by 30, 35. What a fairytale. Then the female, generally, takes her newfound money and starts a new life. Shopping, vacays with the girls, and riding the carousel are all on the menu. I've seen it, after that they start looking for their next wallet. Seen that too. The man better not miss any payments or else, perhaps he won't get the "honor" of seeing HIS kids on the weekend. Frick all that. What you didn't mention is high value men, :), will always have plenty of choices. GF or roster only............
Men who delay marriage to play around will have less choice. Many of us are not searching for men to marry when we are 30 or 35 or even 26. We already are married, or know who we are going to marry.
Meh. Many are already divorced by 30, 35. What a fairytale. Then the female, generally, takes her newfound money and starts a new life. Shopping, vacays with the girls, and riding the carousel are all on the menu. I've seen it, after that they start looking for their next wallet. Seen that too. The man better not miss any payments or else, perhaps he won't get the "honor" of seeing HIS kids on the weekend. Frick all that. What you didn't mention is high value men, :), will always have plenty of choices. GF or roster only............
The clue was when I said marrying someone with a similar education to yourself. I run my own dental practice; my husband is a doctor. We can have conversations about everything from books to politics. The chances of me earning "newfound" money from a man were vanishingly small, unless I married a billionaire. While I do have some friends who married manual labour type males who earn less than them, those men make up for it by being unusually reliable and usually just as clever as us college educated types, often through self education through books and research. Two of my female friends have gotten divorced - one because her husband cheated and the other because her beat her up, more than once.
Are you even aware that there are many of us women around who have extremely well paid jobs and businesses? Have you ever met any of us? Or do people tend to avoid you because of your odd way of talking?
As a female who married her second boyfriend. Men who delay marriage to play around will have less choice. Many of us are not searching for men to marry when we are 30 or 35 or even 26. We already are married, or know who we are going to marry.
There are so many married men out there who try to chat to us at races and just slightly push the boundary of what is appropriate. Its very tedious. They will try all sorts of tactics, offering ride shares to competitions, trying to "advise" you how to train, hanging around the finish line to check in on you and chat about your performance, which then extends into your race, contacting you on social media "to chat". Of course theres also married men who want affairs, who are even worse. All with a similar story to the OP.
Can I also say that there are a number of married men who choose the homely woman deliberately? The one who isn't their soulmate, or great love, or whatever. They do that to have a peaceful life or avoid competition from other men. The married men trying to do the chatting to us at races are ALWAYS in this category. They never seem to be able to marry a female runner, or a woman who shares their hobby, even when there many women who do that hobby. Increasingly, I see men at races with girlfriends from the far east (its never Germany, or Sweden, or France or similar) and they can barely communicate because the woman hardly speaks English, yet she hang around like a little dutiful maidservant. These are the worst men by far for trying the extra-curricular contact I describe above.
My advice to the OP is to date women who share your interests and values, who have a similar level of education to you and a similar background. You're more likely to form a strong connection with them based on shared interests and background than with random strangers. Your kids will then be less likely to grow up in a single parent family too.
Half of all marriages end up with a divorce. I'm 57 and I'm married for the 4th time. All of my friends have divorced 1 or 2 times and all of their new wives have at least 1 divorce behind them. You're living in a fairytale dream that doesn't exist.
As a female who married her second boyfriend. Men who delay marriage to play around will have less choice. Many of us are not searching for men to marry when we are 30 or 35 or even 26. We already are married, or know who we are going to marry.
There are so many married men out there who try to chat to us at races and just slightly push the boundary of what is appropriate. Its very tedious. They will try all sorts of tactics, offering ride shares to competitions, trying to "advise" you how to train, hanging around the finish line to check in on you and chat about your performance, which then extends into your race, contacting you on social media "to chat". Of course theres also married men who want affairs, who are even worse. All with a similar story to the OP.
Can I also say that there are a number of married men who choose the homely woman deliberately? The one who isn't their soulmate, or great love, or whatever. They do that to have a peaceful life or avoid competition from other men. The married men trying to do the chatting to us at races are ALWAYS in this category. They never seem to be able to marry a female runner, or a woman who shares their hobby, even when there many women who do that hobby. Increasingly, I see men at races with girlfriends from the far east (its never Germany, or Sweden, or France or similar) and they can barely communicate because the woman hardly speaks English, yet she hang around like a little dutiful maidservant. These are the worst men by far for trying the extra-curricular contact I describe above.
My advice to the OP is to date women who share your interests and values, who have a similar level of education to you and a similar background. You're more likely to form a strong connection with them based on shared interests and background than with random strangers. Your kids will then be less likely to grow up in a single parent family too.
Half of all marriages end up with a divorce. I'm 57 and I'm married for the 4th time. All of my friends have divorced 1 or 2 times and all of their new wives have at least 1 divorce behind them. You're living in a fairytale dream that doesn't exist.
Hah, it definitely exists. 50% is far from nonexistent.
Half of all marriages end up with a divorce. I'm 57 and I'm married for the 4th time. All of my friends have divorced 1 or 2 times and all of their new wives have at least 1 divorce behind them. You're living in a fairytale dream that doesn't exist.
Half of all marriages end in divorce - Facts. Some of us don't want to bet our finances/assets/peace on a coin flip.
I'm 57 and I'm married for the 4th time - Why? Forget about wife #1, you definitely didn't have to marry wife #2. GF, living together is enough and if she doesn't like it then Next...
All of my friends have divorced 1 or 2 times and all of their new wives have at least 1 divorce behind them - Crazy. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, Men are the gatekeepers of relationships. Stop getting married! Archaic custom.
Half of all marriages end up with a divorce. I'm 57 and I'm married for the 4th time. All of my friends have divorced 1 or 2 times and all of their new wives have at least 1 divorce behind them. You're living in a fairytale dream that doesn't exist.
Half of all marriages end in divorce - Facts. Some of us don't want to bet our finances/assets/peace on a coin flip.
I'm 57 and I'm married for the 4th time - Why? Forget about wife #1, you definitely didn't have to marry wife #2. GF, living together is enough and if she doesn't like it then Next...
All of my friends have divorced 1 or 2 times and all of their new wives have at least 1 divorce behind them - Crazy. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, Men are the gatekeepers of relationships. Stop getting married! Archaic custom.
Sounds like your agenda is irrelevant to half the male population and almost all of the female, but you dole it out as gospel for all men. Even among the never-married or divorcees, a significant fraction of them don’t care to regularly have multiple partners. And the majority of the human population wants children.
I don't want a soulmate the idea of them are so wrong. Soulmate is an emotional decision based on the ideal that there is only 1 other "right" person for you in the entire world. If this was at all true the majority of people would be getting married to people not from their part of the world. This would mean there is over a 25% chance everyone's soul mate is either Chinese or Indian despite 75% of them being from another country.
If you go into marriage thinking this is the only person that can satisfy x y or z for me you will be way more likely to cheat on them when you realize someone else can satisfy x y and z for you hell a lot of people can that aren't your SO. If you go into marriage decide this is the one no matter what than it'll way more likely work out and the love will last longer because it's not based on any tic for tack system that is doomed to fail as you age and change
Question in the title. Hard if not impossible to find someone who is an awesome match for you in every way. What if you find someone who is a "good enough" match for you in most areas but just okay in others too? Anyone here like that? Can you still he happily married to someone like that, raise a family, etc? Would like to hear personal experiences if possible.
People romanticize romance too much.
Having a partner who is a great friend, entertaining, attractive, supportive, good at teamwork and is responsible is a huge win. That alone is a pretty big ask and if you have that you’re winning in the relationship department.
My partner is trustworthy, my best friend, and is an extremely caring/gentle/nurturing person that will make a fantastic mother someday. She has her issues, I have my issues, WE have our issues, but that’s the human experience. Both of us being willing to navigate the negatives of the relationship has been one of the most rewarding parts of being together.
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Some people get it right the first time. Pretty lucky but mostly due to knowing themselves and their desires for their future relationship and sticking to the plan with open eyes. 2 people willing g to be honest and communicate have a good chance.
Many others need at least 1 trial run, maybe 2, to narrow down their personal, basic needs and a reality check of who they are and want to be. Are they willing to put others before themselves first. This is prime "twin flames" period. No kids involved, even better. Not a lot of time for being a poor communicator. Still a lot of life to be lived at it's fullest with real life experiences to draw on to avoid problems. Pretty easy to detect fraud/manipulators. Again, honesty about knowing who you are, having your own $hit together, knowing what to look for and finding someone similar but free of their own baggage can result in a soulmate effect.
Some (many) people just settle for best of averages and deal with trouble as it comes. Some deal well if they are willing to repent, forgive and work together moving forward with trust.
Some never really figure out who the person in the mirror is until its too late...or ever, but just complain.