did you play any sports? most people who actually did at a high level have some dings they have to manage.
second, some jocks are talented athletes but endured practices to get to games or meets. and used that activity to stay skinny. the games or meets end and they were "gamers," not workout mavens.
last, you sound like someone without kids. someone with kids workouts and how good you look become a tertiary concern for, shall we say, 18 years.
Will have them. And if you can’t take care of yourself how will you take care of your kids or your wife?
sorry but the idea that you still have to be attracting people is some mix of wanting to cheat, or conversely insecurity in your situation. and outwardly focused for validation. i have netted my limit, she likes me including my legs, but i doubt the relationship is riding on that because the relationship is healthy and covers 20 other likeable aspects too.
if you have to worry if you get old or gain 5 pounds -- we all eventually get old and put on that 5 pounds. now, i am not saying go eat boxes of hostess cupcakes, but you should be comfortable in your own skin.
and part of that comfort is, do you enjoy the workout thing or not.
to be fair, there is a balance to keep, but the long term balance is "health" more so than "appearances." you're kind of moving the goalposts in talking about "take care of your family." i thought 5 seconds ago it was be hot for your wife. those are actually 2 different levels of work. eg i run 3 days a week, do another 3 days of assorted other stuff, and occasionally do a race. but the focus is more cardio and fitness than being absolutely shredded.
Sorry it’s not fair maybe but unless you give birth to your child you can’t compare the two. It’s not the same thing. Also men don’t have the same societal pressure as women. Men can age women get ostracized for normal biological things.
I'm sorry but I don't think being pregnant is an excuse for getting fat. This is what is wrong with America today. Too many excuses. When my wife was pregnant with our child, I set a goal for her to only gain the weight of what the child weighed. So in essence, her body weight stayed the same, save some breast milk weight. She came really close to meeting the goal. But in the end it was all for nothing, because some years later she ended up getting fat anyway.
Why do middle aged married men often give up on staying fit? I am in my early 30s married and I primarily work out for myself. I love it and it keeps me sane. But I also want to look good for my wife. However it seems when men get into their 40s or 50s they often give up trying to look good for their spouse. Anyone here have any experience letting yourself go? I would be embarrassed if I became out of shape. I know there is more to physical appearances, but I believe you should want your spouse to still find you attractive. If you get out of shape the wife should push you to do better imo.
Why look good for your wife when she’s fantasizing about someone else anyway? Trust me, people cheat and it’s not always tied to looks.
I try my best to stay in shape - but primarily for health reasons and bc it’s one of my hobbies. In my 40s now, all sorts of pain have cropped up in places I didn’t think they would. Shoulder, hip, etc. I have to be kind to myself or will end up permanently injured.
Also, why do I have to look amazing? I’m an office worker, not a model.
I'm sorry but I don't think being pregnant is an excuse for getting fat. This is what is wrong with America today. Too many excuses. When my wife was pregnant with our child, I set a goal for her to only gain the weight of what the child weighed. So in essence, her body weight stayed the same, save some breast milk weight. She came really close to meeting the goal. But in the end it was all for nothing, because some years later she ended up getting fat anyway.
You are a terrible person.
Not an excuse but it changes your body and hormones. No one is saying become obese after baby, but all that “getting your body back” messaging is gross.
I’m always leery of men who are very fit into old age. Def not doing it for the wife.
Why do middle aged married men often give up on staying fit? I am in my early 30s married and I primarily work out for myself. I love it and it keeps me sane. But I also want to look good for my wife. However it seems when men get into their 40s or 50s they often give up trying to look good for their spouse. Anyone here have any experience letting yourself go? I would be embarrassed if I became out of shape. I know there is more to physical appearances, but I believe you should want your spouse to still find you attractive. If you get out of shape the wife should push you to do better imo.
Why look good for your wife when she’s fantasizing about someone else anyway? Trust me, people cheat and it’s not always tied to looks.
I try my best to stay in shape - but primarily for health reasons and bc it’s one of my hobbies. In my 40s now, all sorts of pain have cropped up in places I didn’t think they would. Shoulder, hip, etc. I have to be kind to myself or will end up permanently injured.
Also, why do I have to look amazing? I’m an office worker, not a model.
Exactly. I stay in shape so I'm the "someone else"
After the kids (wife will probably stay married for them), funding everything, and the inevitable smash shutoff what's the point of staying in shape? Sounds terrible. Marriage is an archaic custom. GF or roster only.
You sound awful honestly
He just sounds like someone caught in terminal adolescence. Kind of like Steve the addict. They don't know what they don't know yet. Perhaps in time our little boy will grow up.
He just sounds like someone caught in terminal adolescence. Kind of like Steve the addict. They don't know what they don't know yet. Perhaps in time our little boy will grow up.
When you spend most of your day pushing a giant rock up a hill and come back the next day to find the rock at the bottom of the hill again, you are going to want beer and pizza for dinner instead of tofu and brown rice.
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." - Henry David Thoreau
Why do middle aged married men often give up on staying fit? I am in my early 30s married and I primarily work out for myself. I love it and it keeps me sane. But I also want to look good for my wife. However it seems when men get into their 40s or 50s they often give up trying to look good for their spouse. Anyone here have any experience letting yourself go? I would be embarrassed if I became out of shape. I know there is more to physical appearances, but I believe you should want your spouse to still find you attractive. If you get out of shape the wife should push you to do better imo.
I don’t judge you for being on your phone 14 hours a day. Early 30’s and you think you understand anything about a middle aged man.
Yes but why quit something because it’s uncomfortable. That’s a baby mindset. Lots of things I do make me uncomfortable. Taking care of my hygiene could be a pain but you still do it. Why would you give up on your spouse?
For.habitual exercisers with intrinsic motivation, doing it when it is uncomfortable is neither a virtue nor a sign of toughness and discipline. If they had to stop training for various reasons they would soon develop a baby mindset and quit resting. Anything for the high of exhaustion and feeling of superiority and rightousness indignation at the world of lazy as MFs.
I'm sorry but I don't think being pregnant is an excuse for getting fat. This is what is wrong with America today. Too many excuses. When my wife was pregnant with our child, I set a goal for her to only gain the weight of what the child weighed. So in essence, her body weight stayed the same, save some breast milk weight. She came really close to meeting the goal. But in the end it was all for nothing, because some years later she ended up getting fat anyway.
You are a terrible person.
You'll have to excuse him. He really likes making excuses to be rude to those who make excuses that are not required and that they are perfectly entitled to.
It's easy to not be fit. I'm in my 40's and about 15lbs overweight from when I was a decent runner. I still run 30mpw and do strength training 2-3x per week. My excuse is I just have more responsibilities and time feels tighter from when I was running 100mpw and taking mid-day naps in my 20's.
Cringeworthy and wise words here already. Let me try to put it in simple terms for OP.
When you are 10, some things are very important to you.
At 15, different things will be important.
Come 20s it’s something else again.
Just because you are considered grown up, that doesn’t mean you don’t change any more. A 30yo one asking why some 50yos stop exercise is like a 10yo wondering why 30yo ones don’t have sleepover parties in pjs with their friends any more.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t exercise obvs but you also shouldn’t stop progressing in your life.
I remember my wife being upset with me for running (taking time away from her and family). In my second marriage, I told my fiancée that there were two things she needed to know about me BEFORE she agreed to marry me: 1) I am going to run, 2) I don't buy jewelry. We have been happily married for 24 years, and I routinely run over 60 miles a week at 60 years of age. Maybe we need prenups....
This post was edited 33 seconds after it was posted.
When you spend most of your day pushing a giant rock up a hill and come back the next day to find the rock at the bottom of the hill again, you are going to want beer and pizza for dinner instead of tofu and brown rice.
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." - Henry David Thoreau
Not all of us men can end up with a wife worth having. I’m super lucky that I fell in love with a 25yo that isn’t a dope now years later. We’re a team so I get the opportunity to run and breath hard and fill that gap in my life. If your wife isn’t pulling half the weight, you won’t have the time to “stay fit for her.”
Great thread. Seriously. So far, this reminds me of 2000-2005 LRC. I love that people are leaving politics out and talking with honesty and respect (for the most part). OP may be a troll, but he started a solid discussion.
I haven't "given up" on staying fit but it's definitely getting harder in my late 40s. Running feels like torture. It doesn't help that I was injured for 12 years and gained 30 pounds. Now I'm trying to run with 30 extra pounds and my ankles hurt. It's just harder.