A solid 6/10 troll post, since you got many downvotes and plenty of angry responses with hundreds of upvotes, prior to being called out for your obvious trolling. If you had been less obvious, or pointlessly included an explosive political topic (think 'trans' 'Trump' 'dementia/Biden' 'abortion') it might have gotten you a solid 7-8/10. Work harder.
This post was edited 30 seconds after it was posted.
Wow!! So your asking us for permission to cheat. The funny thing is once you stop this platonic relationship and seriously start dating it won't be exciting to you anymore.
What you are considering doing is not a good idea, but I'm really surprised at the very judgemental responses! Maybe I'm an idiot for being surprised, but we all make bad decisions sometimes, behave selfishly, lose our cool, etc.
OP, by posting your question I think you know that it's a mistake.
Wow!! So your asking us for permission to cheat. The funny thing is once you stop this platonic relationship and seriously start dating it won't be exciting to you anymore.
He’s not asking us for permission to cheat. It’s not like we can grant that.
He’s asking if what he’s doing is ethical. Most say no.
And he’s asking what’s best here. Some say break up before pursuing this.
Not sure if anyone replied he should stick with his current relationship forever or until it falls apart for one reason or another.
There's nothing specifically wrong about going and doing stuff together as a hetero person with the opposite sex when both of you are in relationships such as a coffee, lifting weights etc.
The main problem is that from your side at least you are calling it a date with a view to being romantic down the line and a long term relationship. That's just straight up dating with less physical intimacy and therefore becomes trying out a relationship while already in one which is commonly defined as cheating.
Break up with your current partner and start dating the new person. You already have doubts about your relationship, and if you don't pursue this one, you'll always wonder about what could have been. But like other people have said, end the relationship first before pursuing a new one. Ask me how I know...
I will play ball. First, you know what you're doing is wrong and you're here not seeking advice but rather permission (you won't get that). Second, this is less about your mistress or current partner and more about who you are as a man, explore that first. Third, don't put yourself into a corner between someone you had a FAILED relationship with vs. someone you are having a FAILING relationship with, always think option "c".
Friendly advise; if you are lonely get a dog, if you are sad go to therapy. you are not in the right head space to be in a healthy relationship.
Okay. It seems the consensus is that I should simply hang out with my female friend but not call these times together platonic dates. Also, our intentions are now innocent. If love develops, it's God working in his mysterious ways.
To explain a bit more, her bf is military, and she is very unexcited about living the military family life (moving various places, etc), and my gf says she does not want kids, while I do want kids. Both relationships have a lot of positive but also pretty major downsides. My friend and I do not have any issues like these, so there is at least that.
I have a female friend I've known for about 3 years who I actually dated for awhile back when we originally met. Some major things happened in my life which caused that relationship to halt after only a pretty short time, like 2 months, but we remained in touch and then have reconnected some just over the last six months. We're both in relationships now, but through talking, it has come out on both sides that neither of us are thrilled about our respective relationships, and we both view each other as a potential long term partner, like with marriage and kids etc. We have agreed to go on platonic dates (lift weights together, have coffee and talk, etc) and see how they go with the implied understanding that if they go well, maybe we should form an actual romantic relationship and be together.
My question is, how ethical is this? We're technically not cheating because we're not being intimate, and both of us aren't very happy with the idea of marrying our current partners, but at the same time, obviously our partners would not be happy if they knew our true intentions. However, everyone is just trying to maximize their own happiness in life... What is best here?
This and many other reasons is why your generation is messed up!
Okay. It seems the consensus is that I should simply hang out with my female friend but not call these times together platonic dates. Also, our intentions are now innocent. If love develops, it's God working in his mysterious ways.
To explain a bit more, her bf is military, and she is very unexcited about living the military family life (moving various places, etc), and my gf says she does not want kids, while I do want kids. Both relationships have a lot of positive but also pretty major downsides. My friend and I do not have any issues like these, so there is at least that.
Thanks for the context. You probably know this already, but those are completely valid reasons to end a relationship. Wanting or not wanting kids is unlikely to change. Ditto for someone wanting a military career versus not wanting to be a military spouse. Each one is a valid choice, but these choices/preferences/whatever mean you're incompatible with your current partners, and that's totally fine. It's why we date. Be glad you figured this out before you were married. My advice is to part ways as amicably and kindly as possible. If you need time to grieve, take it before starting a new relationship either with your friend or with someone new. Good luck. I hope you figure things out and are happy in the future.
Break up with your current partner and start dating the new person. You already have doubts about your relationship, and if you don't pursue this one, you'll always wonder about what could have been. But like other people have said, end the relationship first before pursuing a new one. Ask me how I know...
How do you know?
I've been on both sides of it, and they are equally painful. Relationships require work, communication, and honesty. Love is never enough. Those are all things I knew when I was younger but didn't fully understand until I was much older.
Okay. It seems the consensus is that I should simply hang out with my female friend but not call these times together platonic dates. Also, our intentions are now innocent. If love develops, it's God working in his mysterious ways.
To explain a bit more, her bf is military, and she is very unexcited about living the military family life (moving various places, etc), and my gf says she does not want kids, while I do want kids. Both relationships have a lot of positive but also pretty major downsides. My friend and I do not have any issues like these, so there is at least that.
lol military spouses and girlfriends LOVE to have a man at home while their guy is away. This is the most basic thing I've ever heard.
Okay. It seems the consensus is that I should simply hang out with my female friend but not call these times together platonic dates.
No, the consensus is that you are a troll. On the off-chance that you are not, the secondary consensus is that you have already been unfaithful in a major way and should break up with your current gf.
I have a female friend I've known for about 3 years who I actually dated for awhile back when we originally met. Some major things happened in my life which caused that relationship to halt after only a pretty short time, like 2 months, but we remained in touch and then have reconnected some just over the last six months. We're both in relationships now, but through talking, it has come out on both sides that neither of us are thrilled about our respective relationships, and we both view each other as a potential long term partner, like with marriage and kids etc. We have agreed to go on platonic dates (lift weights together, have coffee and talk, etc) and see how they go with the implied understanding that if they go well, maybe we should form an actual romantic relationship and be together.
My question is, how ethical is this? We're technically not cheating because we're not being intimate, and both of us aren't very happy with the idea of marrying our current partners, but at the same time, obviously our partners would not be happy if they knew our true intentions. However, everyone is just trying to maximize their own happiness in life... What is best here?
Ehics? You're hilarious.
You want to bang her. She doesn't want to bang you.
You don't think it's cheating because it hasn't happened, yet.
As soon as she gives you the green light, you'll confirm it was cheating the whole time.
My brother told his wife after they had been dating about four months. I know I really like you because when I am on dates with other people I think about you 🤦♂️
I don’t have an ethical judgement for per se, but how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot and your girlfriend was pursuing back up plans?
Good relationships get better with time so it is in your best interest not to spend too much time with someone who isn’t the one even if the offer of regular sex and companionship is enticing.
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