Here's to breaking 20 for 5k (à la EddyLee)

Will do.

I think I can pull that off. My heart goes out to you and your family. But I think you already knew that. Good luck, whatever that may come to mean.

I'll be running at that time, and will send a prayer your way - even though I don't believe in that stuff.

I've been checking in on your story since the thread opened, and always try to learn something from you. About how to live my life to the fullest and find meaning. About how to pull myself out of depression and frustration and find happiness. Thank you for helping me.

Am I saying this out of pity or do I mean it? At the most I am sharing these thoughts out of pity, but I definitely mean it.

Praying for you.

Thanks all for helping out. Even if it's not your think, and, you just thought well of me, again, thank you.

Got word from one of my docs I probably shouldn't even be walking. I am about 50% on board with what all this guy says, but, he told me to reduce load bearing activities. Considering the broken leg, I am not to disinclined to agree.

CG, I totally forgot about the prayer service Tuesday night until I randomly looked at my phone and saw that it was 7:05 (Eastern time). I guess it's the impact your story has had on me but my only thought was of your request at that moment. I am NOT in any way, shape or form a sentimental guy. Hell, people I don't know or had no interaction with pass away (like celebrities) and I make fun of it with a "well, they didn't know me and I didn't know them, so this doesn't impact my life" mentality.

Anyways, I was sitting at a soccer match during an absolute downpour (they later cancelled the game due to unplayable conditions) when I checked my phone and in addition to saying a little prayer, my next thought was "you know, sitting here in this pouring down rain really isn't that bad".

Keep fighting!

I had to share this one. I do some freelance work on the with lightweight programming/scripting. This one customer had been asking for help and I had to tell him, "Look man, I can't keep doing this." Here was the exchange,

"I am sorry to have to end our relationship so abruptly. I have recently gone onto hospice and do occasionally help out, but, my energies are focused on things outside of _______________ these days. I can recommend some specific people if you would like, but I strongly recommend joining the ________________ forums. There are some EXCELLENT, very approachable people there who would be glad to assist you with these problems. Furthermore, they have specific forums for ALL sorts of _______________ questions.

Again, my apologies for not being able to help any longer, but, I feel extremely confident passing you off to the boards. As is said as a bit of a joke in the movies, "these are the best of the best" I say with all seriousness. These are the guys I look up to."

And his reply,

"Well, congratulations on the job but sorry to see you go. I will give the PowerShell.org forum a try. If you have any personal contacts that would mind me dropping them a note at times for assistance, I would appreciate that."

wow, the guy didn't even read the first sentence!

i've got no good words of help or wisdom here, but i can't tell you how many times i've gone to this thread thinking "maybe NOW it will be revealed that he is just a troll".

Thanks for sharing that. I know people may scoff, but, I look at stuff like that and think that is just "normal". God taps us on the shoulder all the time and we are often to busy to even notice. Imagine if we heard all the little "shoulder" taps. There is something awesome about living a fully spiritual life to which no action movie could compare. When everything you do was sparked by some improbably, unlikely, or, impossible event and suddenly, you wake up one day, realizing, you have been alive a year and a half longer than the doctors told you would you, and, are in touch with people from every corner of the earth sharing this story people couldn't even dream up if they tried. Yeah, I could reject God (I have at times only to come back) at all this, but, life is just so much more awesome with him in it than without him.

Hi CG (= the cool guy), I was also caught in all the little noise/drama of my life when I realized that it was time. I stopped what I was doing and just stood still then said a prayer aloud (while raised Catholic, I haven't been doing that in years). I thought of all the anonymous people who were also sending good thoughts and prayers to you and your family. That made me a little teary.

If that's not love, what is it?

You brought a lot of goodness out of us.

Crap, I can't believe I forgot to remove that one line referencing the forum. Crap, crap, crap. Mods, if you want, you can remove the line referencing the link I forgot to omit. Otherwise, egg on my face. Grrrrr.....

As far as wishing I were a troll. You have no idea how much I would wish that were true. Not for how great a troll it would be, but, man, it sure would have been a good one, but, because I might truly be alive to see my kids graduate. See grandkids. See all sorts of things. I wish I wish I wish. But, I am not a troll as much as I wish I could claim to be.

By the way, I'm including my email. Folks know who I am by now. Just please don't spam me.

God had big plans in mind with you, CG. I believe (and perhaps unconventionally so) that we consent to our life journeys before birth. We play out our karma- with a selfless devotion- to grow spiritually while the most evolved amongst us fill the spiritual buckets of others.

Your life's example is one that many can, have and will learn from. Thank you.

In the totally pretentious idea that I have some grand wisdom to pass on, I offer the following:

CG, I can say that you have been a piece of a great big puzzle that has changed and shaped my life into what, I believe, is much more in line with reality and what our lives should be like here and now. No one piece of a puzzle can be thought of as less than critical, so because you have been only one piece, that is not to say that piece is not all that significant.

Indeed, in one sense, the piece your story has helped me fit is more important, for you’ve helped me understand about something that is, for most people, very hard to get an understanding of at all. I’ve gained a much better understanding of myself. You had said before that we rarely see ourselves how others see us. That is very true. I’m sure I still am very far from seeing myself as others see me, and I don’t know that it’s desirable to know how others see me anyway. But, in as much as it is beneficial to know how others see me, a more accurate understanding of myself seems to be the best way to get a hint.

Anyway, part of the process of you helping me to see myself more clearly has also shifted my thoughts on both life and death. Of course, how can one’s thoughts be shifted on one and not the other? As has been said, the number one cause of death is life. The best way to never die is to never be born.

"Meaningless! Meaningless! . . . Everything is meaningless."

I used to fear death. I used to be paranoid and do everything I could to attempt to control circumstances in an effort to be safe. This was done on behalf of my family, especially my children, more so than for myself. I couldn’t bare the thought that they may have an accident and die. But now, if that were to happen, though it would be devastating to me emotionally I’m sure, in as much as it is a matter of fact that, one day, they will die, young or old --- this will sound cold --- it’s no big deal. I don’t want them to die, but, they are going to. I don’t want them to have to endure my passing some day, but, they most likely will. And the universe will go on; without me, without them, without us.

I recently had a mini debate with a fellow about the reality of objective morality. He had an interesting analogy of what a non-transcendent, yet non-arbitrary morality would be like. He had a point that may be somewhat persuasive if not given much attention. The analogy suffered from at least two problems, however. One, he had an unspoken underlying moral foundation implicit in the analogy that pointed to an objective morality after all. And though that was the main defeater for his argument, the other problem was a very interesting one. What he was trying to show is that, even absent a transcendent source, morality isn’t just arbitrary. But his analogy rested on constricting the circle of importance very narrowly. Once the circle was enlarged to take in a bigger picture, his example did indeed become arbitrary. His example relied on an arbitrary drawing of a circle which made it look as if a moral decision was moral for the simple fact that the impact on the lives of those affected was very great. But in the grand scheme of things, life just kept on going, and the seeming significance of the choice was quickly swallowed up by the mass of other insignificant, meaningless choices.

This fellow’s analogy didn’t concern life or death (at least not directly or explicitly), and yet the same can be said about matters of life and death. Ecclesiastes is in the Bible for a reason! And, the reason that it’s hard for our senses to empathize with Solomon stems from the same arbitrary drawing of a circle. Once the circle is enlarged, the insignificance of our lives, and deaths, on this side of eternity become vanity of vanities, meaningless . . . arbitrary.

But it should be pointed out that my bigger point is to say that significance isn’t to be found in any drawing of circles, big or small. Significance and meaning comes from God, and Him alone. Real significance comes because there is no circle! There is eternity. There is death; or life. Forever.

You being separated from your family, and them from you, is insignificant in eternity. The circle is too small; all circles are.

And with that, I say thank you, brother. You’ve run with more endurance than all on this board have, combined. You’ve fought the good fight probably better than you yourself think. Keep fighting, keep living.

Love in Christ,

B.

Well, we have a new wrinkle in the story. A few days ago I ate a salad and took too large a bite. The salad was covered in vinegar and oil, so, as it say in my throat it irritted the back of my esophogus. No big deal, right? It's been killing my throat, no sleep. You know. Just another annoyance. Turns out I had been working off of bad information. So what. I have had lots of bad/misinformation along the way.

What we discovered, however, was a lot more serious than either of us had known about. My wife had been on the phone wiht hospice nurse. The nurse expressed concern because she thought it was one the tumors acting up. My wife, not knowing there was a tumor behind the tongue, asked her what she was talking about. As it turns out, MD Anderson did not tell us of literally dozens of tumors they have known about since last summer in a variety of places which we were not informed about. There are active lesions in the brain, throat, lungs, etc. In other words, we had no idea how severe my actual condition has really been.

When hospice came in they were worried about balance issues, falls, slurred speech, etc. They had been acting with a completely different set of information than we had. Both my wife and I were under the impresision I had a few active tumors. Turns out they are all over and we had no idea. So, I am in a completely different state of health than I thought. The hospice folks assumed we were aware of all this and that explains the vigilance the hospice folks have been approaching me with. They thought, when I started, I had two weeks to live. As I get more details I will post. Wow, this was not what I expected to hear on a Saturday morning. I can't drive any more and have to be careful because there are tumors on my frontal lobe.

CG - Your situation saddens me but I want you to know that we all on here will die at some point. Some maybe before others. My grandfather lived to be 93, while my father fell over while seemingly in perfect health at 54 while walking out of work.

None of us are promised tomorrow so we must all make the best of the time we have.

If we confess that Jesus is our Lord and Savior we have a glorious heaven awaiting. Still praying for you and your family.

You are hundreds of times stronger than I, or anyone else reading this, could ever hope to be. I am in awe of you. I hope you can finish the things you need to finish.

There's not much anyone can say to you except that we support your fight, the non-religious as well as the religious.

As a Catholic, I'll leave for Sunday mass in about an hour. I'll pray for your soul, for you to have strength to wage your struggle, for your suffering to be eased and for our Father to give comfort and support to your family and friends.

We all understand that our lives are only temporary. Your time frame is possibly just shorter than most of ours, but there is great nobility in being faithful to God and your family to the last breath.

I don't know you, CG, but I admire you very much. Thank you for your humble, honest posts, and for inspiring me and others to have a greater appreciation for our lives.

CG--That sucks, but do you have any idea why you weren't told, and would it have mattered to you?

Good to hear that you're staying true to a healthy diet of salad with oil and vinegar dressing, though! Staying with what you've been doing up until now seems to validate that it was the right way to have lived all along.

I'm pressed for time now, but my wife wants me to let you know that even she has prayed for you, and she very rarely does anything of the sort. Heck, she's now prayed for you just as much as she has prayed for me!

1 mile walk