I actually think you're the villain here. That girl had a horrible disorder, and as her boyfriend, you didn't come to her support. Instead, you just left her right away, even that you are a major in psychology which might be of some help for her. Too bad she just wrecked your car.
This thread scares the crap out of me.
Sledge_hammer wrote:
I actually think you're the villain here. That girl had a horrible disorder, and as her boyfriend, you didn't come to her support. JInstead, you just left her right away, even that you are a major in psychology which might be of some help for her. Too bad she just wrecked your car.
Psychology and psychiatry are not the same thing.
violaharper wrote:
Simple - you are seniors and live hours away. Go to verizon and change your phone. She'll never find you. She has too many opportunities in her current old peoeple's home. Move on. You have limited time left. Its a rubbish relationship anyway. You'd do better on a 800 line
Thanks for the feedback. She lives in an apartment and I doubt that she messes around. I'll see what happens and keep your comments in mind.
I also dated a bipolar bitch, had to call the cops to get her out of my condo. Later found via court records shed been arrested twice for assaulting men in similar instances. Run, don't walk away.get a new phone and number, new locks, etc.
Out of curiosity I answered an online BPD screening test in the mind of my ex-GF. Apparently she was 50/50 on being BPD. Definitely was bipolar, but (mostly) under control with medication.
Sledge_hammer wrote:
I actually think you're the villain here. That girl had a horrible disorder, and as her boyfriend, you didn't come to her support. Instead, you just left her right away, even that you are a major in psychology which might be of some help for her. Too bad she just wrecked your car.
You're wrong. Bi polars can't be supported.
Those who have commented here about BPD (now) ex-girlfriends, what is the postscript? Have you heard from/about them since?
How did they turn out? You ever hear anything further about them through your network of friends/acquaintances?
Thanks in advance.
harry wales wrote:
Those who have commented here about BPD (now) ex-girlfriends, what is the postscript? Have you heard from/about them since?
How did they turn out? You ever hear anything further about them through your network of friends/acquaintances?
Thanks in advance.
Not much. I got as far away as I could from my ex. Deleted her on Facebook, and took a year off from dating.
Heard through the grapevine that she met someone soon after me (they always have a couple guys as a backup....a replacement if you will). I creeped her social media a year ago and saw that she got married and has a kid. Glad it wasn't me.
Like everyone here has said - they just repeat the same behavior over and over again with new people. You are lucky if get out and don't knock them up.
Never dated, but I did bang this Asian girl that was bi-polar. This probably dates me, but this was back when they still had party lines. Talked to her for a few mins and she told me she was bi-polar, Asian and invited me over. I had never banged a bi-polar girl before so I had to check that off my list. Called up my best friend to give him her number and address in case he didn't hear from me again. Drove an hour to her place. She opened the door and I had to "pat" her down for weapons. Made sure I checked her ample chest for any hidden weapons and then we banged.
I was married to a semi-diagnosed borderline for 3 years. It was a fusion of exquisite Heaven and tormenting Hell, with regular battles through purgatory on the way. Semi-diagnosed, as we worked together and separately for 18 months with an integrative psychotherapist, who made a provisional diagnosis without the necessary DSM-V tests as my wife refused - the therapist referred her to a psychiatrist specialising in Schema Therapy and DBT for testing and treatment, which was refused as I am "the one with the problem". The therapist was kicked to the curb, as were the other two therapists who were "siding with me due to my lies".
Don't go to joint therapy or counselling with them. They may suggest it, but their reason is to create a blame exercise to vindicate themselves. The therapist will be triangulated as best your partner can do to gang up against you. It will make things inestimably worse. The therapist will see through the lies within dozen sessions, but by then the damage will have been done.
Sadly, we have young children together. We moved to Asia from Europe to be together for a fresh start, and after I left the family home again this year as I could take no more of the appalling behaviour, she bolted back to her native Russia, abducting my children, without even telling me. I haven't seen my beloved kids in months and I've been totally broken, although now starting to recover somewhat. She's in touch now and again with torrents of blame, which I mostly ignore. The main thing aiding my recovery is being away from the abuse, and seeing more and more normal and healthy interactions between healthy couples. My wife is mesmerisingly beautiful physically, and highly intelligent and educated, but she cannot hold a job down nor indeed live in the same place for longer than a few months at a time. She is a true lost soul due to her condition. I do not hate her, and I never will. I forgive her, although I hate what she did to me, our children, and our extended families.
Women with BPD will rip everything meaningful and wholesome in their lives to shreds, and cause the lives of you, your children, your family and possibly even friends to fall into the most egregious, fruitless, and totally pointless chaos. They will do it time and time again, for no reason that makes any sense to you or outside observers. The destructive power of their disorder knows no boundaries, and it will never change without years of treatment and a willingness to change on their part, which only a fraction of them are prepared to face up to. As others have pointed out, they base their decisions and memories on emotions rather than logic. To argue with them about anything is pointless. It will go round and round in circles and they will argue about the same topic until they collapse in exhaustion. They genuinely create false memories and narratives in their heads: they are rarely consciously lying, and this is the most dangerous aspect of the condition. Depending on their comorbidities, I believe that many BPDs are sincere in their emotions and feelings, they can feel love, and they can want the best things and to do well, but simply don't have the emotional capability to not destroy. Their labile emotions will trump logic, reason, empathy - every single time.
No matter how much you give a BPB, things which any sane woman would do anything within their power to protect (in our case, an incredible luxury lifestyle in Singapore, and an ever-present, faithful and loving father and husband trying to create a peaceful environment), their emotional tsunami will regularly escalate small disagreements into life-shattering conflicts until everyone is in shock, reeling, mentally razed, and sobbing in the smoking wreckage of their lives. After that, they will argue and blame some more. Once the pattern starts, it will happen with ever increasing frequency, near weekly. It will never cease, it will only lie dormant sometimes. Police, social services, courts, and other authorities are very likely to be involved. If that happens, you may be bankrupted by legal fees from cases they have started that they cannot possibly afford, and they will do this from an indignant, strident sense of self-righteousness. If they start multiple legal actions, they will change lawyers multiple times as their lawyers cannot cope with their bottomless demands, and they will possibly leave a trail of unpaid bills in their wake. They will never compromise.
In our case, 30+ physically violent acts in 3 years, resulting in multiple hospitalisations due to injury, were not even the worst of the legacy of the marriage.
As for me, I got through with my sanity, job and prospects intact but it was teetering on the brink for a while. I financially support my kids even at 5000 miles difference, and I know they will come back to me one day, and I will know them, even if it's a decade or more. I no longer love or pine for my wife herself, although I hold fond memories of the person she can be at her best, and I wish her a happy life if she find the introspection needed to make a change one day. I do dream of hearing healing words from her one day - "I hurt you, I am sorry", but I accept it's very unlikely. I'm not sure how long it would take me to truly allow romantic love into my life again, but I am sure it will happen one day. Explaining all of what happened to a new partner will be a difficult thing to do.
...replying to myself here, but there seems to be a REALLY common aspect of behaviour with these sorts of woman when it comes to doing incredibly dangerous things whilst driving or as a passenger in a car.
Once I was punched very hard on the arm whilst driving at speed, once I was attacked physically whilst performing a very dangerous reversing manoeuvre down a hill straight into a busy road, a time when great concentration was required, and the worst time, I had a full bottle of cola deliberately shaken and sprayed in my eyes whilst driving at speed. Kids were in the car every time. There were also numerous one-sided shouting matches whilst I was driving - actual top-of-lungs primal screaming fits - distracting and dangerous in itself.
It's sad and strange to learn that dangerous behaviour in vehicles appears to be a BPD type pattern.
I need help ` wrote:
I've been dating this woman for 4 years. Both of us are seniors. We live a few hours apart and have been seeing each other every other month. She is okay most of the time, but often goes off on angry belligerent rants, especially about mexicans, blacks, muslims, any other nationality, liberals etc etc, though she doesn't even know what one is. She didn't like Obama or Clinton and would stalk them on the computer and post endless drivel about them. Personally I didn't vote.
She used to go off on me about going hiking, and would accuse me of having sex with all the women on the hikes. One time we were out and she got mad because some woman was talking to me in a store, and she had another total meltdown. Recently she's been better as we've been seeing each other for awhile, and I haven't been hiking for awhile due to an injury.
Anyway I just got back a few days ago, we were on the phone a 1/2 hour ago, she started ranting about liberals and I said Trump is a liberal and she kept getting more crazy, saying did I call her president a liberal? etc etc. Then she said some mexican was parked in a handicapped spot by her place and she was going to tell him off, started to do that and I said "don't go out there, wait" but she went out the door and actually told the guy off for having a handicap sticker, that he didn't deserve it because he was mexican!!! Good grief. So I just listened, then she came back and accused me of dating a mexican 50 years ago.
I told her to talk with her granddaughter and to ask her for advice on how to not act so crazy (her granddaughter doesn't like her talking that way). But she kept talking over me and accusing me of dating a mexican (not that it's a bad idea), so I said hey get some help from your granddaughter, we are done, and she hung up on me haha. I sent her an email saying what a jerk she was, and she was really talking to me in that manner? And I told her to get help.
Now I need some help.
But you do dig mexican chicks don't you. You secretely lust over them chiquitas and she knows this, she's seen you pretending not to look at em. wadda you expect?
what to do? wrote:
I need help ` wrote:I've been dating this woman for 4 years. Both of us are seniors. We live a few hours apart and have been seeing each other every other month. She is okay most of the time, but often goes off on angry belligerent rants, especially about mexicans, blacks, muslims, any other nationality, liberals etc etc, though she doesn't even know what one is. She didn't like Obama or Clinton and would stalk them on the computer and post endless drivel about them. Personally I didn't vote.
She used to go off on me about going hiking, and would accuse me of having sex with all the women on the hikes. One time we were out and she got mad because some woman was talking to me in a store, and she had another total meltdown. Recently she's been better as we've been seeing each other for awhile, and I haven't been hiking for awhile due to an injury.
Anyway I just got back a few days ago, we were on the phone a 1/2 hour ago, she started ranting about liberals and I said Trump is a liberal and she kept getting more crazy, saying did I call her president a liberal? etc etc. Then she said some mexican was parked in a handicapped spot by her place and she was going to tell him off, started to do that and I said "don't go out there, wait" but she went out the door and actually told the guy off for having a handicap sticker, that he didn't deserve it because he was mexican!!! Good grief. So I just listened, then she came back and accused me of dating a mexican 50 years ago.
I told her to talk with her granddaughter and to ask her for advice on how to not act so crazy (her granddaughter doesn't like her talking that way). But she kept talking over me and accusing me of dating a mexican (not that it's a bad idea), so I said hey get some help from your granddaughter, we are done, and she hung up on me haha. I sent her an email saying what a jerk she was, and she was really talking to me in that manner? And I told her to get help.
Now I need some help.
But you do dig mexican chicks don't you. You secretely lust over them chiquitas and she knows this, she's seen you pretending not to look at em. wadda you expect?
Did someone say Ana Navarro?
I am a female who was friends with a bpd girl at school. This girl was nothing too special but she was funny and we got along great. Long story short, I started having "feelings" for her
Which is our in quotations because to this day I know they weren't real. Anyhow, she started opening up to me about her pass and problems and next thing you know she was telling me the day she was going to kill herself and all fucked up stuff. I just wanted to save her and I was thinking of her and caring for her 24/7. My life was no more and the focus was now all on her. My only role was to help this girl and show her love she never had.
I eventually cut her out of my life completely (which wasn't easy). I am writing hoping their are girls out there like me who aren't a lesbian yet this type of thing happened where I questioned so much about myself and was so numb and comfused. I had left my boyfriend of 6 years for this girl...it was ridiculous yet so fucked up at the time.
I can now happily say that my boyfriend and I are together still and doing well. But I still struggle with what I went through and like others have said...it changes you and I feel like I'm not the same since all that happened. I feel bad because these are people too and it is too bad that they have this illness but I really do think that it's a toxic relationship and it's better to have no contact with them at all in order to live a "normal" and decent life
train-ride home wrote:
Never dated, but I did bang this Asian girl that was bi-polar. This probably dates me, but this was back when they still had party lines. Talked to her for a few mins and she told me she was bi-polar, Asian and invited me over. I had never banged a bi-polar girl before so I had to check that off my list. Called up my best friend to give him her number and address in case he didn't hear from me again. Drove an hour to her place. She opened the door and I had to "pat" her down for weapons. Made sure I checked her ample chest for any hidden weapons and then we banged.
i just came... twice.
gilbertsasnfrun wrote:
Here is why I think so...
When drinking, she has been very violent. She gets mad at me no matter what when we drink. Just like you said, her facial expressions change dramatically. She will hit me, push me, and not let me leave the house. If I just push her to get out of the way, she will fake fall and start crying. She yelllllls so loud when we fight, saying I'm not a man, and just saying the worst stuff possible.
However, she will wake up in the morning and say sorry...say she did not mean it.
One time I picked her up drunk at the bar and we started fighting. She opened up the car door going 30mph and said she was jumping. I stopped the car and she acted like I pusher her out, started crying, call her dad that I hurt her, and almost called the police.
Once she made up a story about the cops picking her up and almost giving her a DWI when I would not come get her from the bar. Turns out it was a lie when I spoke to another girl
80% of the time, she is bubbly, so amazing. However, when things are bad, THEY ARE BAD. I have honestly been scared. I have a bunch of other stories. I just wasn't sure if this was BPD or what? How do you get diagnosed? I wonder if she would be willing. She kind of knows she has some issues.
Freaky man, almost sounded exactly like my ex-gf that I just broke up with, I had to stop and double check to make sure I wasn't reading my own post that I forgot I had made or something.
She is so insecure and a narccisist, she constantly posts those pics on facebook with the quotes on them regarding dumb crap about her being a queen and deserving this and that from a man..etc. she needs constant attention, I can't even be on my phone for 30 seconds when she's around, she can go from smiling and laughing to a complete paranoid biatch in the snap of the fingers.. I can't argue with her because she will raise her voice to the point she's screaming and cutting me off every second, I feel embarrased because it's an apartment and I wonder what the neighbors gotta think.. Then if I try to leave she will either tell me not to come back again or block the door.. If I try to push her out of the way she exaggerates and tells ME to quit being physical and then she gets more physically aggressive and has hit me in the head a few times..
I'm not even going to go into anymore because just talking about it disturbs me, I'm just glad I'm out of that toxic, deadend relationship. I feel ashamed that I stayed with her as long as I did because there were plenty of red flags that I ignored.
gilbertsasnfrun wrote:
I'm interested in any stories. I think the girl I'm been dating for a year does...
I don't know.
What exactly are the "symptoms" ?
We are always putting labels on people.
There's no such thing as "normal" anyway.
Are people supposed to go to a doctor and asked to be given this label?
I actually have concern that I am and this thread really scares the hell out of me. Crazy emotional outbursts, terrible parents and childhood, I'm always at fault, the only thing missing is the self destructive behavior in regards to sexual issues or self mutilation. Everything else lined up and I'm starting to think I'm the one with the problem.
I need help ` wrote:
I've been dating this woman for 4 years. Both of us are seniors. We live a few hours apart and have been seeing each other every other month. She is okay most of the time, but often goes off on angry belligerent rants, especially about mexicans, blacks, muslims, any other nationality, liberals etc etc, though she doesn't even know what one is. She didn't like Obama or Clinton and would stalk them on the computer and post endless drivel about them. Personally I didn't vote.
What's her name on here?