I've seen this exact story posted before. Verbatim.
Why do this?
I've seen this exact story posted before. Verbatim.
Why do this?
Renewed Marathoner wrote:
I've seen this exact story posted before. Verbatim.
Why do this?
Apparently it keeps happening. Poor guys…
justanotherstat wrote:
Hello all, before I talk with a lawyer and as I still try to process everything I've come here for advice. I'll keep it short and sweet.
After 9 years of marriage my wife has asked for a divorce. I first realized how bad things were about a year ago. We've tried working through things but she isn't happy. She asked me to change certain things about myself, which I have done and she has recognized that I have done, but says she still isn't happy and wants to move forward with her life without me. I still love her very much, but over the last 3 months I've come to realize that our marriage is over. Neither of us have ever cheated or been involved in a domestic dispute or anything wild, we've simply grown apart.
I'm more introverted than my wife probably realized when we were dating (I had stopped running then). When I picked up running last year to help deal with all this stress it just pissed her off more as she only saw it as more time away from her. My wife wants a man that's going to sit on the couch all weekend and watch musicals and love stories, and that just isn't me.
Here's my dilemma....we have lived in Colorado for the past 6 years & my wife wants to take the kids and move back "home" to be near her family in Nebraska. I have a great job here and recently got my 2nd promotion. I make enough money to live comfortably which has (since we got married) afforded my wife the opportunity to be a "stay at home mom." In the last 4 years my wife has started her own business (she's an "artist") and makes about $25k a year (zero of which she contributes to any bills or living expenses).
I'm TRYING really hard not to be a jerk, but there is ZERO chance I'm letting her take our kids out of state, not a chance. Everything we own is in my name. I told her that I would sign her vehicle over to her so that it's in her name and that I will pay for a place for her to live for 1 year while she gets on her feet on her own for the first time in life. I also agreed that I would give her 50% of my 401k as of today, which would be about $15k (am I overreaching here?).
We are trying to do this WITHOUT spending a ton fighting in court. I'm trying to do the "right" things while at the same time not screwing myself over. The only debt we have is our mortgage. I make about $85k per year and save as much as possible. Really just looking for some guidance and where to start as my whole life has been spinning out of control lately and sadly, running is the only thing keeping me grounded right now. I'm 34 years old and my wife is 29. Never thought I'd be "starting over."
Lol, you think you’re being generous with what you’re giving her? It doesn’t matter that everything is in your name right now. If what you wrote is where you’re going to start to negotiate, your ex-wife will definitely lawyer up and take much more from you as well as cost a lot in legal fees. You need to be ready to give up half.
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She's almost certainly seeing another guy, or was seeing him and it broke off hence her desire to move away. Women lose interest in their husbands because we become too boring, predictable, and compliant. Be the opposite of those things and perhaps she'll come back around. Flirt with girls when you're out and about. You may be needing those skills again soon.
justanotherstat wrote:
Hello all, before I talk with a lawyer and as I still try to process everything I've come here for advice. I'll keep it short and sweet.
After 9 years of marriage my wife has asked for a divorce. I first realized how bad things were about a year ago. We've tried working through things but she isn't happy. She asked me to change certain things about myself, which I have done and she has recognized that I have done, but says she still isn't happy and wants to move forward with her life without me. I still love her very much, but over the last 3 months I've come to realize that our marriage is over. Neither of us have ever cheated or been involved in a domestic dispute or anything wild, we've simply grown apart.
I'm more introverted than my wife probably realized when we were dating (I had stopped running then). When I picked up running last year to help deal with all this stress it just pissed her off more as she only saw it as more time away from her. My wife wants a man that's going to sit on the couch all weekend and watch musicals and love stories, and that just isn't me.
Here's my dilemma....we have lived in Colorado for the past 6 years & my wife wants to take the kids and move back "home" to be near her family in Nebraska. I have a great job here and recently got my 2nd promotion. I make enough money to live comfortably which has (since we got married) afforded my wife the opportunity to be a "stay at home mom." In the last 4 years my wife has started her own business (she's an "artist") and makes about $25k a year (zero of which she contributes to any bills or living expenses).
I'm TRYING really hard not to be a jerk, but there is ZERO chance I'm letting her take our kids out of state, not a chance. Everything we own is in my name. I told her that I would sign her vehicle over to her so that it's in her name and that I will pay for a place for her to live for 1 year while she gets on her feet on her own for the first time in life. I also agreed that I would give her 50% of my 401k as of today, which would be about $15k (am I overreaching here?).
We are trying to do this WITHOUT spending a ton fighting in court. I'm trying to do the "right" things while at the same time not screwing myself over. The only debt we have is our mortgage. I make about $85k per year and save as much as possible. Really just looking for some guidance and where to start as my whole life has been spinning out of control lately and sadly, running is the only thing keeping me grounded right now. I'm 34 years old and my wife is 29. Never thought I'd be "starting over."
You've gotten some sh*tty advice above from people who are demeaning your former wife.
I don't know how old your kids are, but they are about to go from a SAHP situation to a No Parent at Home situation since I assume your soon to be ex-wife will need to find a job. Likely this is why she wants to be closer to her family, and I find myself wondering if she is tired of carrying the childrearing load by herself. As a working woman married to a working man with two mutual children, when the sh*t hits the fan, I still bear the burden of caregiving, so having family nearby is helpful because sometimes I have literally no one else - and I am MARRIED with a healthy and able-bodied spouse. (Sick kid? I take the day off. Kid needs to go to an appointment? I take time during the day to do it, even though I am a senior leader in my organization. Child care fail? Guess who leaves early, because it ain't my husband.)
So congrats to you for having a "great job" in Colorado, but this is about your family and not you. Think more about what your kids' lives are going to look like when they no longer have a permanent home and a full-time SAHP, what co-parenting truly means for two *single* parents, and who has been and will either now be or will continue be responsible for keeping them fed, schooled, athletically and artistically engaged, medically connected, etc. If you stay and live in Colorado and try to force her to do the same, are you going to be willing to miss work and pick up the slack, or pay out the *** for nannies and sitters?
I advise you to get an attorney, but I also advise you to get a neutral advocate who will look out for the best interests of your children, because they seem to have been forgotten in this.
mswlisw wrote:
You've gotten some sh*tty advice above from people who are demeaning your former wife.
I don't know how old your kids are, but they are about to go from a SAHP situation to a No Parent at Home situation since I assume your soon to be ex-wife will need to find a job. Likely this is why she wants to be closer to her family, and I find myself wondering if she is tired of carrying the childrearing load by herself. As a working woman married to a working man with two mutual children, when the sh*t hits the fan, I still bear the burden of caregiving, so having family nearby is helpful because sometimes I have literally no one else - and I am MARRIED with a healthy and able-bodied spouse. (Sick kid? I take the day off. Kid needs to go to an appointment? I take time during the day to do it, even though I am a senior leader in my organization. Child care fail? Guess who leaves early, because it ain't my husband.)
So congrats to you for having a "great job" in Colorado, but this is about your family and not you. Think more about what your kids' lives are going to look like when they no longer have a permanent home and a full-time SAHP, what co-parenting truly means for two *single* parents, and who has been and will either now be or will continue be responsible for keeping them fed, schooled, athletically and artistically engaged, medically connected, etc. If you stay and live in Colorado and try to force her to do the same, are you going to be willing to miss work and pick up the slack, or pay out the *** for nannies and sitters?
I advise you to get an attorney, but I also advise you to get a neutral advocate who will look out for the best interests of your children, because they seem to have been forgotten in this.
It’s not real bro
You only make $85k and have $30k in your 401k? She's leaving because you don't make enough.
mswlisw wrote:
You've gotten some sh*tty advice above from people who are demeaning your former wife.
I don't know how old your kids are, but they are about to go from a SAHP situation to a No Parent at Home situation since I assume your soon to be ex-wife will need to find a job. Likely this is why she wants to be closer to her family, and I find myself wondering if she is tired of carrying the childrearing load by herself. As a working woman married to a working man with two mutual children, when the sh*t hits the fan, I still bear the burden of caregiving, so having family nearby is helpful because sometimes I have literally no one else - and I am MARRIED with a healthy and able-bodied spouse. (Sick kid? I take the day off. Kid needs to go to an appointment? I take time during the day to do it, even though I am a senior leader in my organization. Child care fail? Guess who leaves early, because it ain't my husband.)
So congrats to you for having a "great job" in Colorado, but this is about your family and not you. Think more about what your kids' lives are going to look like when they no longer have a permanent home and a full-time SAHP, what co-parenting truly means for two *single* parents, and who has been and will either now be or will continue be responsible for keeping them fed, schooled, athletically and artistically engaged, medically connected, etc. If you stay and live in Colorado and try to force her to do the same, are you going to be willing to miss work and pick up the slack, or pay out the *** for nannies and sitters?
I advise you to get an attorney, but I also advise you to get a neutral advocate who will look out for the best interests of your children, because they seem to have been forgotten in this.
I cannot believe anybody voted this up. taking children hundreds of miles from their father is an absolute NO GO
justanotherstat wrote:
Hello all, before I talk with a lawyer and as I still try to process everything I've come here for advice. I'll keep it short and sweet.
After 9 years of marriage my wife has asked for a divorce. I first realized how bad things were about a year ago. We've tried working through things but she isn't happy. She asked me to change certain things about myself, which I have done and she has recognized that I have done, but says she still isn't happy and wants to move forward with her life without me. I still love her very much, but over the last 3 months I've come to realize that our marriage is over. Neither of us have ever cheated or been involved in a domestic dispute or anything wild, we've simply grown apart.
I'm more introverted than my wife probably realized when we were dating (I had stopped running then). When I picked up running last year to help deal with all this stress it just pissed her off more as she only saw it as more time away from her. My wife wants a man that's going to sit on the couch all weekend and watch musicals and love stories, and that just isn't me.
Here's my dilemma....we have lived in Colorado for the past 6 years & my wife wants to take the kids and move back "home" to be near her family in Nebraska. I have a great job here and recently got my 2nd promotion. I make enough money to live comfortably which has (since we got married) afforded my wife the opportunity to be a "stay at home mom." In the last 4 years my wife has started her own business (she's an "artist") and makes about $25k a year (zero of which she contributes to any bills or living expenses).
I'm TRYING really hard not to be a jerk, but there is ZERO chance I'm letting her take our kids out of state, not a chance. Everything we own is in my name. I told her that I would sign her vehicle over to her so that it's in her name and that I will pay for a place for her to live for 1 year while she gets on her feet on her own for the first time in life. I also agreed that I would give her 50% of my 401k as of today, which would be about $15k (am I overreaching here?).
We are trying to do this WITHOUT spending a ton fighting in court. I'm trying to do the "right" things while at the same time not screwing myself over. The only debt we have is our mortgage. I make about $85k per year and save as much as possible. Really just looking for some guidance and where to start as my whole life has been spinning out of control lately and sadly, running is the only thing keeping me grounded right now. I'm 34 years old and my wife is 29. Never thought I'd be "starting over."
If this is a real post, I would get a lawyer immediately. I had a friend in CO whose wife literally took the kids to NE and filed for divorce there as her family lived there. He often had to drive halfway if he even wanted to see his kids. And they would cry every time he started driving back home. Real witch that ex-wife. I don’t know what the law is anymore, but just be alert to that particular situation. The sooner you get legal advice, the better.
Thought you might like a women's view on this. As long as you aren't some bad assed guy, you can do better than this. I've no idea why men do this - marry women they have nothing in common with and who don't enjoy sport. But the thing that stands out is that your wife doesn't really have a proper job or career to go back to once your kids are raised. It is possible she is a golddigger, and because of that risk, I'd get an attorney right now if I were you, as it will save you $$$$$ in the long term. But because your wife is basically a non earner with few employable skills, its likely you will have to support her and pay child maintenance if you do not get joint custody.
Good luck!
I feel like I've read this a couple times here, for years.
Maybe so, too. You make 85K and your wife doesn't work, and you're doing great? In Colorado, and can pay for her to live a year in another state, and half your 401K is $15K? You are 27, bought a house for $124K somehow ten years ago?
mr38 wrote:
Wonder what old threads will get posted again next time. I hope its the Irish Runner novel, but since this is letsrun, we will probably get the Script.
I haven't read any of the other responses, but I'm sorry, my man, but ya dun goofed big time here. A middle America, stay at home wife who blamed you for her unhappiness coupled with your good natured, but ultimately misguided efforts to appease her has set you on an irrevocable course for a state sanctioned mugging. Good luck and I'm sorry you're going through this.
Star Keeper wrote:
Thought you might like a women's view on this. As long as you aren't some bad assed guy, you can do better than this. I've no idea why men do this - marry women they have nothing in common with and who don't enjoy sport. But the thing that stands out is that your wife doesn't really have a proper job or career to go back to once your kids are raised. It is possible she is a golddigger, and because of that risk, I'd get an attorney right now if I were you, as it will save you $$ in the long term. But because your wife is basically a non earner with few employable skills, its likely you will have to support her and pay child maintenance if you do not get joint custody.
Good luck!
I always enjoy an honest woman's perspective on these matters. I have a bunch of friends who married women like the OP's wife. I think it generally stems from unrealistic expectations of marriage from the male perspective and a scarcity mindset. Think of how many men will do whatever it takes to marry the first kind of cute woman who returns their texts, to the point of changing fundamental parts of who they are to accommodate the woman. Pretty sad.
Bump.
divorce that isnt a product of 1)sexual infidelity 2)physical abuse 3)criminal activity is for complete losers. work it out.
Assuming that you’re really not abusive towards the family, warn your wife that no judge (with any sense of decency) will ever allow her to flee the state with the kids. Tell her straight up that once the kids turn 18, everyone can go their separate ways. Until then, you’ll work with her to make the best of the situation (especially for the kids). Divorce is hardest on children and separating them from either parent for long periods will only cause irreparable harm. If she brainwashes your kids into thinking you're the bad guy, it's hard to denfend yourself from out of state. Finally, remind her that dragging the divorce out through the courts will cost lots of money that could otherwise be better used for raising the kids.