You should probably base your calculations on post tax monies
You should probably base your calculations on post tax monies
AITA wrote:
PopeFrancis wrote:
+1
Is this a religious thing or something? Not really a concern for me
Otherwise, we've lived together 2 years happily and just wanted perspective on this on a fairness level.
People who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce. For some, that overlaps with religious criteria.
Who pays for the birth control?
Jimmy21 wrote:
You should probably base your calculations on post tax monies
This and also post student loans.
That said, no I do not think this request is fair at this point in time. By that I mean if she made this request when looking for places because you wanted a nicer place and she wanted to spend less, it would be a fair compromise request. A request which you could accept or not accept and lower your budget to match hers.
Making the request now is not fair. You and her committed to both pay X and now she is proposing this “fair” solution after the fact. Now your only choices are to accept or feel the jerk for making a fuss over $70. Honestly, the fact she is only requesting such a small amount makes it even more slimy as it’s harder for you to say no.
It smells like extortion to me.
Women want to be treated "the same", except when it doesn't benefit them. They also want to take advantage of any situation where being treated differently also benefits them. This situation falls into that 2nd category. Her line of thinking also sounds like a Elizabeth Warren / Bernie Sanders style where everything is proportional and that the people that make more must always subsidize those that make less for "fairness sake". Hope she isn't that type because you'll have a lifetime of headaches in front of you with respect to finances.
I'm sure you already pay way more than 50% of all the social / going out types of costs in the relationship. Right there that should basically balance things out anyways, without the silly proportional rent thing.
totally up to you. just know that it will not be appreciated in the end. she'll also still expect more from you.
AITA wrote:
So I earn 9k more than my girlfriend ($43k for her, $52k for me). We're both on the same banking graduate scheme, but she's in a department that pays less than mine - our work hours and difficulty are pretty much the same. The rent is 800 dollars each, and she thinks I should pay proportionally for rent (so 870, while she pays 730). She doesn't want to split other bills that way, just rent, so we would pay equal amounts for everything else. I think we should pay the same for rent because although we do the same level of work I do earn more so should be able to spend my extra cash on hobbies, races etc. Her argument is that this is just rent we'd do that way, and staying in the flat we're in is financially affecting her more than it is me.
What do you think?
You should both be paying 800, not sure how her taking $70/month from you for ?? could be viewed as fair. A better argument would be you paying more for utilities and food since you probably consume and waste more as a runner.
Bold - Tell her to make better choices next time
Maybe you should quit your job and get her to pay $1600/month
WhyRegisterHere? wrote:
This is what happens when couples don't pool their resources and consider it all one mutual stream. The 'my money' and 'their money' thing leads nowhere good. When it's all 'our' money it becomes much simpler to make it work without as many hurt feelings or score-settling.
this is a wise observation. she is already keeping score. paying more for rent also will not even the score.
LRHandle wrote:
AITA wrote:
So I earn 9k more than my girlfriend ($43k for her, $52k for me). We're both on the same banking graduate scheme, but she's in a department that pays less than mine - our work hours and difficulty are pretty much the same. The rent is 800 dollars each, and she thinks I should pay proportionally for rent (so 870, while she pays 730). She doesn't want to split other bills that way, just rent, so we would pay equal amounts for everything else. I think we should pay the same for rent because although we do the same level of work I do earn more so should be able to spend my extra cash on hobbies, races etc. Her argument is that this is just rent we'd do that way, and staying in the flat we're in is financially affecting her more than it is me.
What do you think?
You should both be paying 800, not sure how her taking $70/month from you for ?? could be viewed as fair. A better argument would be you paying more for utilities and food since you probably consume and waste more as a runner.
Bold - Tell her to make better choices next time
Maybe you should quit your job and get her to pay $1600/month
Best advice. Agree to spilt according to income all expenses, to be even more fair.
Then quit your job and start training for that otq.
Flounder wrote:
Who pays for the birth control?
The NHS
Put all of your money into one joint account and then you can't distinguish who pays more for rent.
I also support the quit job and let her pay idea
jk.ygj, wrote:
AITA wrote:
Is this a religious thing or something? Not really a concern for me
Otherwise, we've lived together 2 years happily and just wanted perspective on this on a fairness level.
People who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce. For some, that overlaps with religious criteria.
Not a religious thing at all. It's a common sense thing. If you're not ready for a full-time, committed, legally-binding relationship you should not live together for many reasons. Not the least of which is common law which makes you legally bound to someone after cohabiting for some years (which you have already). But yeah, you both should be functioning and evolving as individuals until such time as you decide to get married.
Yeah, it honestly seems like she‘s just jealous that you make more, especially in pointing out that you guys do the same thing and she makes less.
I honestly wouldn‘t mind paying for my gf if I were in your position, but the fact that is asking (demanding?) it would rub me the wrong way. If it were the other way around or she got a huge promotion, I doubt she‘d feel the same way.
NHS?
Not Having Sex. The cut off started young in this one.
Kick her to the curb.
another perspective wrote:
Women want to be treated "the same", except when it doesn't benefit them. They also want to take advantage of any situation where being treated differently also benefits them. This situation falls into that 2nd category. Her line of thinking also sounds like a Elizabeth Warren / Bernie Sanders style where everything is proportional and that the people that make more must always subsidize those that make less for "fairness sake". Hope she isn't that type because you'll have a lifetime of headaches in front of you with respect to finances.
I'm sure you already pay way more than 50% of all the social / going out types of costs in the relationship. Right there that should basically balance things out anyways, without the silly proportional rent thing.
Actually, OP should be embarrassed as his white male privilege is showing. The only reason he is making more money is because women are not treated equally in the workplace. If she was male, then there would be equal pay and no issue. But, that is not the reality of the racist, bigoted world in which we live. So, I support the GF in requesting that the OP atone for his privileged status and compensate for the unfairness of life. Pay the $70 and enjoy the fringe benefits.
Flounder wrote:
NHS?
Not Having Sex. The cut off started young in this one.
Kick her to the curb.
Not sure if you’re joking or not. NHS stands for National Health Service which provides free healthcare to everyone including free contraceptive pills to women
National Health Service sounds great. It makes more sense than National Medical Insurance. Where do I sign up?
AITA wrote:
The rent is 800 dollars each, and she thinks I should pay proportionally for rent (so 870, while she pays 730).
This makes zero sense. Even she sees how ludicrous it is in that she won't apply the same logic across the board to other expenses.
Unless she was traveling a majority of the time for work (therefore, not spending as much time in the flat), roommates all pay an equal split. I roomed with my best friend while I was in graduate school and he was working. His dad was a multi-millionaire (hundreds of millions of dollars) and he had a trust fund of $30 million. He was making mid-6 figures right out of college while I was scraping by with student loans and working 30 hours a week at Starbucks.
We both paid $500 a month for our apartment. I didn't b*tch and moan about it because it was fair, regardless of the fact that my roommate made more in one year than I can make in 5 years.
Then again, I wasn't banging my best friend, so maybe the rules are different for you.
AITA wrote:
we've lived together 2 years happily
No you haven't. She's been stewing about the unfairness of the rent situation for two years. Your relationship is doomed to fail. Today it's the rent, tomorrow it's ?
The truth has been said.