Sounds like an adult temper tantrum. You should send her to her room with no desert.
Also she probably has daddy issues, start acting like her father and i bet things will improve...
Sounds like an adult temper tantrum. You should send her to her room with no desert.
Also she probably has daddy issues, start acting like her father and i bet things will improve...
We can all pine away and say how "heroic" you are by sticking by her side....BUT
I'm here to tell you - run away as quickly as possible.
You are not that vested in the relationship - "about a year" - and you've spent thousands of your own money trying to "save" her. Dude - NO.
Do you not respect yourself enough to see the writing on the wall? You say you can't "bounce" out - but what's the alternative? She will not get better because you are enabling her.
Yes, I get that you love her - but in this case, your love may be limiting her ability to get the help she truly needs. Seems to me that you may be in a co-dependent relationship, and you're both struggling with mental health issues. Solve your own issues before you try and solve hers.
As an adult, she has to take responsibility for her own recovery, not you.
Repeat - you need to get out, no matter how painful it is for her, or you.
She's your girlfriend, not your wife.
You are in a relationship that is crumbling. Her behavior is to lash out at you.
You need to accept that 1 year was fine and its time to move on.
Her agreement that she needs to get help is not going to help your relationship.
Move out and move on. Back away and see if her behavior changes. Its only a year. You sound like you've been happily married for a decade and you're looking to rescue her.
Not so. She's 32. Likely this isn't her first rodeo.
Get out of town. Get out before she shivs you. Her family is the one's who should be working with her.
If you hang around - which I am pretty sure you're going to, contact her family.
They seem pretty absent from your note
Distraught wrote:
My girlfriend has had mental health issues our whole relationship (about one year) and really her whole life (32 years). It's mostly anxiety, depression, mood swings/emotional instability, extreme irritability around her period, etc. It has been challenging to deal with for sure, but I've been able to deal with it because of how wonderful of a person she is most of the time. However, things have been really bad lately, about the past 3 weeks, and this last weekend they were so bad I thought she might be having a mental breakdown (a family member of mine has bipolar I and had a mental breakdown when we lived together, so I know what they look like). She said all kinds of nasty things to me, was mad and moody to the point she had to leave work, was not thinking straight, etc. She sort of came to yesterday, we talked, and she cried a lot and said she's really worried and doesn't know what's wrong with her, that she's been having lots of dark thoughts and feels empty and miserable every day and doesn't know why. She's already on an SSRI and an anxiety medication. I know a lot about mental health due to having had serious depression in the past and having a family member with severe bipolar I, but I am still feeling way out of my depth. Just keeping my girlfriend from imploding, losing her job, whatever, has felt like a full-time job lately. I can't go on like this, nor can she.
We talked and both agreed she needs to see a professional, but the problem is, she barely makes enough to cover her bills as it is, and I've already put thousands of dollars of my own money into helping her and this relationship. I desperately want her to get better, but I feel exhausted, and I don't feel like it really makes sense for me to continue with the relationship and pay hundreds or thousands of dollars more for her treatment when I'm not even sure things will get better any time soon. Just bouncing and not looking back is not an option though. I love her. I don't know what to do.
When she was young, did she ever have seizures?
If so, read about lamictal, a mood stabilizer originally developed for epiletics.
What time of the month (in relation to her period) does she feel best?
How long is the feel good period?
It may be helpful to monitor her hormone levels for each week of 1 month.
Are there life events (prior or present) that trigger her mood swings?
Does she use tobacco or coffee or alcohol
Is she an insomiac?
Does she eat mostly processed foods?
I'm not a doctor, but have experience with others.
That so many people actually read the OP's long rambling post is quite surprising.
Get out now been there done it the mental cost im still recovering from?
I defended the OP earlier, but he hasn’t been back, and it’s been awhile since his post. Troll??
Distraught wrote:
We talked and both agreed she needs to see a professional, but the problem is, she barely makes enough to cover her bills as it is, and I've already put thousands of dollars of my own money into helping her and this relationship.
She's faking it. She's pretending to have mental problems to avoid getting a real job and you're enabling her.
You are never going to "fix" her. This is going to be with her forever AND this is not the worst she will ever be. Can you imagine how she will act when a tough life event happens? What if she gets pregnant? Someone close to her dies? She loses her job? She had no reason to be acting like this and she is acting like a complete basket case. You cannot win here. She will suck the life out of you and make your life a chaotic mess. Save yourself before it gets harder.
Does she have family or parents? Call them and break up with her. She isn't your responsibility mentally or financially. Toxic people will bring you down with them. Cut the cord as fast as you can.
Distraught wrote:
My girlfriend has had mental health issues our whole relationship (about one year) and really her whole life (32 years). It's mostly anxiety, depression, mood swings/emotional instability, extreme irritability around her period, etc. It has been challenging to deal with for sure, but I've been able to deal with it because of how wonderful of a person she is most of the time. However, things have been really bad lately, about the past 3 weeks, and this last weekend they were so bad I thought she might be having a mental breakdown (a family member of mine has bipolar I and had a mental breakdown when we lived together, so I know what they look like). She said all kinds of nasty things to me, was mad and moody to the point she had to leave work, was not thinking straight, etc. She sort of came to yesterday, we talked, and she cried a lot and said she's really worried and doesn't know what's wrong with her, that she's been having lots of dark thoughts and feels empty and miserable every day and doesn't know why. She's already on an SSRI and an anxiety medication. I know a lot about mental health due to having had serious depression in the past and having a family member with severe bipolar I, but I am still feeling way out of my depth. Just keeping my girlfriend from imploding, losing her job, whatever, has felt like a full-time job lately. I can't go on like this, nor can she.
We talked and both agreed she needs to see a professional, but the problem is, she barely makes enough to cover her bills as it is, and I've already put thousands of dollars of my own money into helping her and this relationship. I desperately want her to get better, but I feel exhausted, and I don't feel like it really makes sense for me to continue with the relationship and pay hundreds or thousands of dollars more for her treatment when I'm not even sure things will get better any time soon. Just bouncing and not looking back is not an option though. I love her. I don't know what to do.
She should really go for a run.. or stop cheating on you.
CutTheCord wrote:
Does she have family or parents? Call them and break up with her. She isn't your responsibility mentally or financially. Toxic people will bring you down with them. Cut the cord as fast as you can.
I was planning on calling her dad. I'm sure he knows a little, but I don't think he knows more than the tip of the iceberg. She hides her mental health problems really well MOST of the time. That's actually part of what makes it harder for me: I'm the one who always sees and deals with the worst of it. She snapped out of things yesterday and felt totally great again today, back to her old self, and had a great time with friends. Meanwhile, I'm still sad and depressed, dazed and confused. She knows things are bad with our relationship right now... We decided to hold off a couple days to talk more about it in depth because we're both processing, and I'm feeling really bad right now. She really is great most of the time. Sometimes I feel like her 24/7 caregiver though, and with her being so awful to me this last go around, it's really messed me up. Yeah, I need to get out of the relationship. I do get that. Things just really suck right now.
Sorry I don't have anything more to say atm. I appreciate the responses.
I agree.
Check on youtube Dr Jordan Peterson How to help a difficult person.
And just listen to the professionals.
Distraught wrote:
CutTheCord wrote:
Does she have family or parents? Call them and break up with her. She isn't your responsibility mentally or financially. Toxic people will bring you down with them. Cut the cord as fast as you can.
I was planning on calling her dad. I'm sure he knows a little, but I don't think he knows more than the tip of the iceberg. She hides her mental health problems really well MOST of the time. That's actually part of what makes it harder for me: I'm the one who always sees and deals with the worst of it. She snapped out of things yesterday and felt totally great again today, back to her old self, and had a great time with friends. Meanwhile, I'm still sad and depressed, dazed and confused. She knows things are bad with our relationship right now... We decided to hold off a couple days to talk more about it in depth because we're both processing, and I'm feeling really bad right now. She really is great most of the time. Sometimes I feel like her 24/7 caregiver though, and with her being so awful to me this last go around, it's really messed me up. Yeah, I need to get out of the relationship. I do get that. Things just really suck right now.
Sorry I don't have anything more to say atm. I appreciate the responses.
Come on man - you need to care about yourself more. DO NOT CALL HER DAD - please don't do that. She's most likely been enabled by her parents, so they will be absolutely no help - and may guilt you into sticking around.
Here's what you JUST said: "I'm still sad and depressed, dazed and confused."
And this gem: "I feel like her 24/7 caregiver."
Cut the cord NOW. You are being mentally and emotionally ABUSED. You are aware - I hope - that they counsel women that when they get physically abused the FIRST TIME to get out of the relationship, because it will only get worse. That works for being mentally or emotionally abused as well; and applies to you right now.
You don't need to worry about her anymore, just get yourself out of that relationship as soon as possible and into some kind of counseling. Stay out of relationships until you figure yourself out and become more independent and strong. You'll start seeing with clarity, and understanding your own needs - and will no longer compromise yourself or your well-being.
I have been in your position - and in hindsight, I should've cut it off WAY sooner than I did.
Man up....get out wrote:
Distraught wrote:
I was planning on calling her dad. I'm sure he knows a little, but I don't think he knows more than the tip of the iceberg. She hides her mental health problems really well MOST of the time. That's actually part of what makes it harder for me: I'm the one who always sees and deals with the worst of it. She snapped out of things yesterday and felt totally great again today, back to her old self, and had a great time with friends. Meanwhile, I'm still sad and depressed, dazed and confused. She knows things are bad with our relationship right now... We decided to hold off a couple days to talk more about it in depth because we're both processing, and I'm feeling really bad right now. She really is great most of the time. Sometimes I feel like her 24/7 caregiver though, and with her being so awful to me this last go around, it's really messed me up. Yeah, I need to get out of the relationship. I do get that. Things just really suck right now.
Sorry I don't have anything more to say atm. I appreciate the responses.
Come on man - you need to care about yourself more. DO NOT CALL HER DAD - please don't do that. She's most likely been enabled by her parents, so they will be absolutely no help - and may guilt you into sticking around.
Here's what you JUST said: "I'm still sad and depressed, dazed and confused."
And this gem: "I feel like her 24/7 caregiver."
Cut the cord NOW. You are being mentally and emotionally ABUSED. You are aware - I hope - that they counsel women that when they get physically abused the FIRST TIME to get out of the relationship, because it will only get worse. That works for being mentally or emotionally abused as well; and applies to you right now.
You don't need to worry about her anymore, just get yourself out of that relationship as soon as possible and into some kind of counseling. Stay out of relationships until you figure yourself out and become more independent and strong. You'll start seeing with clarity, and understanding your own needs - and will no longer compromise yourself or your well-being.
I have been in your position - and in hindsight, I should've cut it off WAY sooner than I did.
This. Move on. I know it's hard, but you just need to do it.
What is her diagnosis? It’s probably not depression. Maybe bi polar, borderline, or narcissistic. Or a combination.
She may only understand consequences and may not realize the effects her actions have until there are consequences.
Take a few really good pictures, where she looks her absolute best. Then pack up your bags. Screeeeech!!!! As your tires pull out, and you drive off to live a better life.
Dump her!
Learn from your mistake....don't get involved with a goofy #$%^$
Life's too short.
First thing to know is that you personally cannot fix her. You don't know what you are talking about, even though you know more than most. You can help and encourage her to help herself.
First things first, she needs to get herself to a psychiatrist. A doctor (not a nurse practitioner) who specifically practices psychiatry (not a general practitioner). As other people have said, she sounds like a complicated case, who really needs attention from someone who knows their stuff. Someone who will spend the time to understand her case and make a complete and accurate diagnosis. Without the correct diagnosis, they are guessing. From there, they will tweak her medicine slowly and methodically. She should also see a counselor to help her cope with this, right now she is afraid and doubting her own mind. That is traumatic. At some point, she will be able to recognize her mood swings and react before they get too bad.
You don't need to run away, but you do need to realize that this will be a long, long road before she is better. If you don't have the stomach for it, talk to her family about it, and then hand it off to them. She sounds worried about herself and She needs help to get help. If you are going to end the relationship, at least be man enough to let someone know she is struggling. Its not that hard and won't take more than 30 minutes.
good luck, I've been there and it is difficult, more difficult that most people can ever understand.
Unfortunately, we all face this problem, but it can be prevented. The Internet describes the most common symptoms in the progression of this problem, which can be eliminated in time. My therapist advised me to use pills, which you can read about on the official website https://femadata.com/genbrain-reviews/. They helped me get rid of many problems, including stress, and I also became much more productive. Your mental health should be monitored from childhood as these problems can become fatal in old age.