I have been the cool guy at a lot of parties, including parties where I wasn’t invited (but someone thought it was a good idea we good or maybe I was a peripheral friend), and parties where I was not very much part of the crowd.
I use that opening to say that there is a way to be the cool guy at any type of party but you have to ask if you really even want to be at that party? Different people are impressed by different things so you have to be a bit of a well-studied chameleon for this yet, again, you need to ask are these the people you want to be around and do you want to impress them? I actually loved to be at a party where I didn’t fit in at times because I saw it as a challenge to remap the brains of those involved.
Those that say how you carry yourself are right on the money. I do happen to be a fairly attractive guy, but I know myself and am this confident on how I present myself. I’m not trying to be anything extra special, I just listen and get a sense for who the people around me are. Throw out a few compliments, ask people questions. I found it was easier not to feign curiosity and have genuine curiosity by keeping a log file in my brain of canned responses and generic human stories. I’d keep asking questions to see if these folks deviated from my expectation.
I also treated things like a movie at times, just play a role and see how people respond.
Being a self-reflective person will allow you to fine tune how to succeed in various social situations. Also, drink only enough to turn off any anxiety. When you doubt yourself, lots goes downhill. You can’t be thinking too much while it’s all happening, you just have to proceed if it’s going really well—a little healthy delusion.
Good luck. If it were five years ago and we lived in the same town I’d roll to some parties with you and help broaden your social spectrum. But it all gets old, so try it on for a while and then find the legit folks you can be “boring” with and have the best time.
Cheers homie.