One of the best lessons that I ever learned about running and training was to let go of other people’s outcomes. There will always be someone faster out there - all I can do is my best. Some days that means running faster than my normal training partners, and some days it means running slower.
runnergirl250 wrote:
i want to be mature and a team player
That's no way to deal with a tool like her. Take a giant dump in her gym bag,
Be careful of getting gaslighted.
G A S L I G H T E D
?
I know girls are weaker emotionally so be careful...
I was roommates in college with this fat turd who said straight to my face that he could beat me in a sprint and that if I couldn’t beat him, then I’m not worthy to be on the track team. This was when I was considering walking on. Anyways he denies ever saying anything like that.
He says: “I don’t remember says that. You’re probably overthinking, it happens to all of us.” However this happened multiple times while my friends were present and even they remember him gaslighting me.
That’s why it hurts and I take it, and I know he’s a piece of shite. They just want to dwindle you down, bro.
G A S L I G H T
You will do well to remember what that is.
???
I have been in a similar situation and some of the girls on my team have similar issues. What I would do is this:
1) don't worry about her on your easy runs. No matter what she says to you, just respond with "that's fine, I get it. You do what works for you and I'll do what works for me". That should be it, don't be a jerk or anything about it, but just nicely say that.
2) If your coach starts getting on you about it, you tell him that you don't recover as well when you run as fast as she is during the easy days and you tell him that you are obviously doing something right considering your are way faster in the 16/32.
3) Do not speed up with her on easy days. It will only ended up hurting your recovery and your performance in the long run. (Goes along with the first two points)
4) Do not cut the runs short with her or anything like that (it sounds like you know that). If she gets back way early and coach says something to you about it, then you call her out (especially if you have GPS watches that show time and distance).
Eventually, her hypocrisy and showing as a poor teammate will be know by everyone (if it isn't already) and you won't have done anything to throw her under the bus other than focus on yourself and minding your own business. I hope this helps.
Are we really going to ignore that the OP is half stepping and lying about workouts to her training partner, and that's just what she admits?
There's her story, the teammate's story, and then there is the truth.
You can't come in and complain about how dirty everything is when you don't have clean hands yourself.
Learn to deal with her. It's an opportunity for a growth experience for you, which is one of the points of high school sports in the first place.
She is leeching off you and dragging/slowing you down physically and emotionally.
You should run with people faster than you sometimes.
Just like a bad cop, you need a new partner.
runnergirl250 wrote:
Ok so this might be a little rant but i just need advice on what to do or how to get along with her, i want to be a team player and everything but being around her is AWFUL and toxic right now and i cant stand it.
So a little background me and my running buddy are both going into senior year, i've been on the team from 9th grade and she started in 10th because she played soccer freshman year (additionally we are both pretty good but i am significantly faster 15-20 sec in the mile and 30-40 in 2 mile,). so she has ran one year less than me (and always mentions it as a rational for why she is slower than me, like she will randomly bring up "i'm as good as you were when you had been running for two years", when that is not true at all UGHHH) This is really annoying to me because i feel like im always there for her after bad races when she whining and crying about how she deserves to be faster and im always trying to help her confidence and tell her shes a good runner and give her good advice, and then she says things like that and acts like shes better than me so it feels unfair and makes me dislike being around her.
Other things would happen like her complaining how at my milage no college coach would want me because it's too high, then her secretly upping her milage during indoor and being shady about it. Or I would tell her to slow down easy runs and she would tell other people im trying to sabatoge her. It is so frustrating to me and I know i have somewhat contributed by occasionally one stepping her or not being completely forthcoming about what workout paces i ran but mainly i feel like my tendency has just been to avoid her.
This sucks because practice is unpleasant and this whole thing feels so immature. We used to get along fine.
The issue is that coach and her are really close and her likes her more (he was the teacher for 2 of her classes last year and none of mine), so he blames me for not working out with her or not training with her in the summer (so i recently had to start going to the teams optionally runs that she is at so he wouldn't be mad anymore), and it just feels to me like the two of them are a little team with the goal of having her beat me (i know that sounds ridiculous sorry). I don't know what to do, running with her is not whats best for me (or her) because we run to fast and it is too competitive, if i slow down and don't run with her coach says i'm slacking, even though she is the one who cuts runs short or makes me stop and wait for her when he isn't around (because she does easy days to fast lol). I'm mainly worried about in season once we start workouts (this is when she does the easy runs hard so she can beat me then goes 50 seconds per mile slower than me during the actually workouts!!)
sorry for the long post, please give me advice, i want to be mature and a team player and i dont want to be sucked into competing with a teamate but i just can't stand her!
runnergirl250,
Here is the answer, and I promise that if you embrace it you will have a more fun senior season than you would doing really anything else...
Just accept the situation as it is. She is very insecure, but that is the teammate you have been given, and unfortunately at the high school level especially, we don't get to pick our teammates. People your age seem to think that they deserve all situations to be perfect. I am not slamming you here, but just do realize that for people a generation older than you, these questions you have wouldn't have even come up...we would have just dealt with it. If you just accept it as it, it is freeing. You don't have to like her, but you don't need to manipulate your season, your workouts, exactly to your liking either.
I agree with another poster who said it takes 2 to be competitive in workouts. Do your workouts and easy days at your pace, and if the coach is unhappy that you aren't racing easy days or workouts, then so be it.
Also, a well-placed "I think you would be faster on race day if you didn't run the easy days so hard" to the girl would be helpful. Lets her know that you aren't trying to beat her on those days and so her "win" of beating you is empty.
As for your mileage and whether a college coach would be interested in you, we don't have enough info to comment on that. if you would like some feedback on that, provide your weekly mileage and your PRs.
Good luck.
Are there any deserted high cliffs that you run by that she can accidentally trip and fall off of while running? Asking for a friend.
runnergirl250 wrote:
sorry, my main question is how to avoid my bad teammate while without making coach hate me or how to have a better less competitive friendship with her (which i doubt is even possible at this point)
Just don't run with her anymore.
Stand your ground, do what you feel is best for you, and don't put up with any negativity, not from anyone.
As others have said, your “buddy” sounds pretty insecure and unpleasant. I would personally avoid trying to talk to her about her behavior. It takes a lot of maturity to really hear criticism and respond appropriately and it doesn’t sound like she’s there yet. There’s nothing wrong with feeling compassion for her, since she’s probably pretty miserable, but you can feel for her from a safe distance.
It sounds from your post like there’s already a danger that your season will become more about this friend and your dynamic w her rather than about enjoying yourself and achieving goals. What makes you run and compete? Try to direct your mind towards the aspects of XC you enjoy whenever you feel tempted to ruminate on the situation, and as others have said, during practices focus on your own performance rather than getting caught up in petty competition w her. Also, it’s natural for shifts to happen on a team and a decent coach will know that runners who were once well matched training partners won’t always be.
Finally, don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t always handle her perfectly. Just keep trying to direct yourself back to your own running and away from her issues without feeling guilty about it.
These rules are usually for men dating women, but they apply here. No uglies, mommies, fatties, feminists, lazies, and especially in this case, no crazies. Respect yourself and don't get into a relationship with anyone like that.
Hit the friendship delete (from your life) button and move on. Do not go out of your way to run with her. When you have to run with her, do not emotionally connect with her or converse on any level other than basic aquaintances. Let her run at the pace she wants to and do your own thing. Ditch her a few times to get the message across that you're not her buddy. Pronounce you're injured/fatigued and let her run ahead of you (to mess with her head) and then run your own workout. You should still be a good teammate and encourage her after races, but don't go out of your way to console or counsel her. Enjoy your newfound freedom. People like that suck. Be civil and a good human, but don't suffer through a crappy friendship. People who mistake kindness for stupidity make shitty friends and teammates.
Half-stepping your team mates on workout runs is awesome. It leaves them knowing who is the boss at all times. Run your own program in workouts, smile and say "great job" to her, and crush her in races and time trials. This is competition you know.
So she's prettier than you but you're faster?
You're both equality annoying and self obsessed.
vivalarepublica wrote:
Perhaps a letter to the editor of Teen Vogue?
I'm just cringing at the middle aged men giving advice to a teenage girl over the internet.
I wonder what their wives/girlfriends/parole officers would think?
ex-runner wrote:
vivalarepublica wrote:
Perhaps a letter to the editor of Teen Vogue?
I'm just cringing at the middle aged men giving advice to a teenage girl over the internet.
I wonder what their wives/girlfriends/parole officers would think?
Well, the coach prefers the slower girl, so she must be cuter?
ex-runner wrote:
vivalarepublica wrote:
Perhaps a letter to the editor of Teen Vogue?
I'm just cringing at the middle aged men giving advice to a teenage girl over the internet.
I wonder what their wives/girlfriends/parole officers would think?
Nobody on here has a wife or girlfriend. What does your PO say?
runnergirl250 wrote:
Ok so this might be a little rant but i just need advice on what to do or how to get along with her, i want to be a team player and everything but being around her is AWFUL and toxic right now and i cant stand it.
So a little background me and my running buddy are both going into senior year, i've been on the team from 9th grade and she started in 10th because she played soccer freshman year (additionally we are both pretty good but i am significantly faster 15-20 sec in the mile and 30-40 in 2 mile,). so she has ran one year less than me (and always mentions it as a rational for why she is slower than me, like she will randomly bring up "i'm as good as you were when you had been running for two years", when that is not true at all UGHHH) This is really annoying to me because i feel like im always there for her after bad races when she whining and crying about how she deserves to be faster and im always trying to help her confidence and tell her shes a good runner and give her good advice, and then she says things like that and acts like shes better than me so it feels unfair and makes me dislike being around her.
Other things would happen like her complaining how at my milage no college coach would want me because it's too high, then her secretly upping her milage during indoor and being shady about it. Or I would tell her to slow down easy runs and she would tell other people im trying to sabatoge her. It is so frustrating to me and I know i have somewhat contributed by occasionally one stepping her or not being completely forthcoming about what workout paces i ran but mainly i feel like my tendency has just been to avoid her.
This sucks because practice is unpleasant and this whole thing feels so immature. We used to get along fine.
The issue is that coach and her are really close and her likes her more (he was the teacher for 2 of her classes last year and none of mine), so he blames me for not working out with her or not training with her in the summer (so i recently had to start going to the teams optionally runs that she is at so he wouldn't be mad anymore), and it just feels to me like the two of them are a little team with the goal of having her beat me (i know that sounds ridiculous sorry). I don't know what to do, running with her is not whats best for me (or her) because we run to fast and it is too competitive, if i slow down and don't run with her coach says i'm slacking, even though she is the one who cuts runs short or makes me stop and wait for her when he isn't around (because she does easy days to fast lol). I'm mainly worried about in season once we start workouts (this is when she does the easy runs hard so she can beat me then goes 50 seconds per mile slower than me during the actually workouts!!)
sorry for the long post, please give me advice, i want to be mature and a team player and i dont want to be sucked into competing with a teamate but i just can't stand her!
You deserve better then this. You sound like a great runner and a really nice person. I bet she is jealous and threatened from you. I think you are progressing better then her and are also more clever then her. If you are ever near Tulsa I would be happy to run with you. We can go for coffee. I enjoy going for coffee after training.
Banana Bread wrote:
You deserve better then this. You sound like a great runner and a really nice person. I bet she is jealous and threatened from you. I think you are progressing better then her and are also more clever then her. If you are ever near Tulsa I would be happy to run with you. We can go for coffee. I enjoy going for coffee after training.
Uh huh, I bet you do.
I've been in simular situations in high school and college. Runnermom1981 and runner68 have some really great advice! A few things that also helped me through those years: using any pent up feelings to motivate me to be the fastest on team/district/state; having friendships outside of track; and playing other sports. Good luck on your upcoming XC season!