Anyone hate your spouse and stay in marriage for kids?

Quit Pushing wrote:

Letsrun Guru wrote:

I put a spoon in the fork spot

Who the heck does this? I'd yell at you, too!!!

Spoon knife, both 5 letters, on right, five letters. Fork, four letters, on left, four letters. Remember that.

Just cheat on her. Revenge sex will make you hate her less.

madsad wrote:

I was cheated on and hate my spouse. I love my kids and can't imagine not seeing them every day. I have faked forgiveness and never fight or argue. No one knows. I'm bitter inside. Has anyone else been in this situation? Advice?

I not aware of any cheating between myself and my wife but after 10+ years of marriage I just find her to be insufferable to be around. The stonewalling, the PNSO, the mood swings the constant whining, the way she yells at our 5 year old. She does not even make an effort to pay the bills around the place even though she works full time with a similar salary to mine. She has indeed turned into someone I just hate to be around.

However, for now I just put up with the situation and keep communication to a minumum between us both. I would love to just leave but I do think it would be tough on our kid if I did that and financially it would also be tough on the family with divorce costs etc. I just make sure that I get in a solid 10 miler each day and that helps me forget about the generally shitty life that I have to live.

Sorry not much advice in my post - just saying how I cope with my situation.

marital bliss wrote:

However, for now I just put up with the situation and keep communication to a minumum between us both.

Did you ever bother to think how this might affect your kid? It sets a pretty clear picture of what "marriage" is supposed to look like and how a partner treats the other.

You can do what you are doing, but, it's not your best choice.

wow- lots of sad sacks on LRC

My wife left for another person. Her reason was that I wasn't as exciting as I once was, and that she no longer was in the love with the person I have become. For a while I thought I could stay with her for the kids, as it turns out I have the kids after the divorce, and I get child support from her. It is amazing though how much stress was gone from my life once she left. I will admit it does get a little lonely at times, but I hope that changes in the future.

madsad wrote:

I was cheated on and hate my spouse. I love my kids and can't imagine not seeing them every day. I have faked forgiveness and never fight or argue. No one knows. I'm bitter inside. Has anyone else been in this situation? Advice?

After reading all the replies my mind wandered but when I come back to your original query I would advise you to get out. If you truly HATE your spouse it's not likely to get better and faking forgiveness while carrying that hate will ruin you.

pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:

marital bliss wrote:

However, for now I just put up with the situation and keep communication to a minumum between us both.

Did you ever bother to think how this might affect your kid? It sets a pretty clear picture of what "marriage" is supposed to look like and how a partner treats the other.

You can do what you are doing, but, it's not your best choice.

I take your point but as she just looks for an argument at every opportunity I prefer my kid not to have to see that. I know that my situation is not what "marriage" is supposed to look like but all I can do is damage control for now as it could look a lot worse.

Stick a fork in it.

It also makes a difference if your kids are girls or boys. I would be more likely to advise leaving if they were boys.

Start documenting it all. The cheating, any emotional abuse, withholding of intimacy, etc... Who's to say she doesn't file for divorce before you do and take the kids. She obviously has one foot out the door already. Scrub your online presence of garbage like this post. I've had a friend have all his facetious MB posts get dragged in to a custody suit. Stuff doesn't sound as funny when a lawyer reads it back to you. If you think you hate her now, wait till her lawyer makes it all about you and your emotional negligence. Wait till her lawyer questions how good of a father you are. Wait till she takes all your money and turns your kids against you. Even a divorce after your kids are grown will be a nasty thing.

Or figure out a way to get over the cheating and learn to love your wife again. It won't be easy and may not be possible, but the alternative will suck even worse, regardless of how long you put it off.

But if you can't, don't live your life in limbo because you think it will protect your kids. It won't. And get a vasectomy (the reversible kind) if your wife is still young enough to have kids. No sense in adding 18 more years to your sentence.

I stayed ten years too long in a 20-year marriage. I used the kids as an excuse, and it was stupid, stupid, stupid.

Get out. Take care of yourself. Rebuild your life and your life with your kids the way you want.

My friend has two kids and got divorced a few years ago. His wife was a miserable b!tch and was hell to live with. The problem is that she is even worse as an ex-wife. She is always trying to keep the kids from him and turn them against him. He says he wishes he had just stayed with her and built himself a man cave. What she has done to those kids is truly sad.

Done wrote:

Stick a fork in it.

Fork you.

Running away with the spoon wrote:

Done wrote:

Stick a fork in it.

Fork you.

I spoon your mom.

I hate my kids but I stay in marriage for my wife.

Man up and get out wrote:

I stayed ten years too long in a 20-year marriage. I used the kids as an excuse, and it was stupid, stupid, stupid.

Get out. Take care of yourself. Rebuild your life and your life with your kids the way you want.

I did the same thing, man. Hung in there way longer than I should have, but finally got out. It sucked for everyone involved for a couple of years but like you said I rebuilt everything and I think we are all better for it. I'm remarried now and I have a great relationship with my kids, I'm a better dad now than I ever was when I was getting beaten down by their mom all the time.

I was talking to my divorced friend about this thread and he wishes he stayed together until his kids were older. He feels like he lost bonding time with them. He split when the kids were 3 and 5. He's okay with the 5 yo, but the 3 yo doesn't even want to go to his house. From what I can tell he's a great dad too.

pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:

How about avoiding all the long term passive aggressive B.S.

No. The cheating spouse must suffer as the OP has suffered.

OP, seek revenge Count of Monte Cristo style.