Weirdo sayings from coaches

Okay, sorry for the narrative:

Back in the '70s, I decided that I would go to the University of Kansas and become the next Jim Ryun (a fairly lofty goal when you consider that my best mile in high school was 4:54). I ran as hard as I could for 10 weeks the summer before attemping to be a walk-on at KU - 70 miles a week for 10 weeks. I knew that I improved in ability because I began to continuously move up in road races around Connecticut.

At the first practice Coach Timmons loaded us all into his old pick-up truck and took us 8 miles off campus. He told us to run back. After 10 seconds or so, it was pretty obvious to me that I had gotten involved in a pure animal show - I was already 50 yards back and losing ground. Timmie drove down the road and I proceeded to run my guts out (while falling further and further behind). About 5 miles into the run, Timmie had swung around and was working his way up from the back of the pack. He pulled up along next to me, "Did you run this summer?"

Wasn't wierd, but it sure did hurt.

Coach Cantello speaking of a former recruit who blew off the Naval Academy for another school

".....that guy! I remember him. You dial D.I.C.K. on the telephone and that asshole answers!"

Coach Groves:

"Vo2 Max test! Bullshit.....there's only one test that matters - the BCT test."

dumb runner:

"uh, what's the BCT test coach?"

Coach Groves:

"that's the Balls Caliber Test!"

haha this is a great thread......funny stuff.

my fav from my coach which i catch myself saying alot now to rookies on the team is "suck it up buttercup!"

Act I: One day at swimming practice in high school, we were dogging it through a set of repeats and our coach threw a clipboard to the pool deck yelling the most brilliant words of wisdom I ever heard him say: "Goddammit, the only way to swim fast is to swim fast!"

Act II: Our team's Beavis/Butthead type looks at the coach with a shit-eating grin: "Yeah Coach, but the only way to take last is to take last".

Act III: Coach jumps into water fully clothed after Beavis/Butthead with intent to commit murder in his eye; fortunately our butterflier/state champ in the shot (same guy) got in between before homicide could take place.

He only lasted in coaching one year.

"Hey coach I lifted today"

"Yeah? I lifted too - lifted my dick outta my underwear."

NCAA's back in the day.....

My coach with 300 left in the 10k:

"man i was turning it on---with 300 left this S.O.B. passed me up and said "cummon ya fu@# face"

I just busted out laughing and dropped 5 places"

Sad but true, an all to common yell/instruction from coaches on the sidelines:

"Keep Going"

no shit sherlock!

All-time Throwing Classic:

Athlete asks coach, "What was wrong with that throw?" expecting to hear this type of response- "well, your angle of attack was too high, you got to get your leg underneath you, etc..."

Instead receives this response, " It didn't go far enough."

along those same lines...Steve Lemke from Yale, UTEP and later arizona State used to say to his throwers...."looks good.... it's just coming down a little to close to you"

Another classic...while at Southern CT back in the early 70's our coach got us all back early after the Christmas break and has us in the locker room for a team meeting.... obviously talking about our adherance to his workouts over the past 2 weeks he (Wil Wright) asks the question "What did you guys do...." One rather outspoken team leader says "well Wil...I did a married woman"

"You lose 10 seconds for every pound you gain, and you gain 5 seconds for every pound you lose."

I figured if I ever gained weight, I might as well quit right then and there.

El G's coach to El G:

"You're slower than camel dung in quicksand!"

"YOU'RE tired. What about Allah? You don't think he's tired, what with running the universe all night and day? You don't hear him complaining do you? Now give me 6 more 400's with 15 sec. rest in 51 and quite you're whining."

"Hicham! You are looking a little chubby. Been sneaking into the Medjol dates again huh? Fine I am instituiting the month of Febuary as another Ramadan torture for you. One meal a day!"

Hicham! 10 miles in 50 minutes!? Mohammed F***ing Allah! When I said an easy recovery run I did not mean American speed. You are slower than a Westerner on EPO. Give me 5 more miles in 21:30 then go eat you're precious couscous if you must."

"When he passes you, go with him!"

Doug Brown-Never bet on a racehorse with a hard-on. (keep your mind on the race)

Don't piss down your leg.(don't choke)

when u start getting tired.run faster.

and my all time favorite, dont go half assed go whole assed/

friday morning:

atlete; coach i think my foot is better.

coach: well ill let you race next weekend, just get through a week of training.

athlete hobbles a mile to realize that in fact...the foot is not better...athlete goes inside and sits down to stretch...coach walks by

sarcastically, : oh, glad to see the foot's better.

Can't make Chicken salad out of chicken sh** (talking about grades)

Don't blow your load too early (nationals meet)

I know a lot about shit (staying constand during the season)

Teammate: "Coach, do you think I will ever run 4 minutes?"

Coach: "Oh yea.....(pause)........but then you'll need to run the final 100 meters."

Me, upon learning I'm in the fast heat of a major invitational: "Coach, what kind of chance do I have against those guys?"

Coach: "Oh, you haven't a prayer, so at some point at least get up there, mix it up and let them know you were in the race."

A stud anchor of the winning 4 X 4 pulled up with 15 meters to go, limped off into the infield and did not finish.

Me: "Coach, what happened, did the guy pull?"

Coach: "No, his jock strap borke."

Me: "But he only had 15 meters to go. He couldn't finish?"

Coach: Without looking up from his clipboard and without speaking held his two index fingers 18 inches apart.

Heard a HS coach yell this to one of his girls one day:

\"They do time these things you know\"

Also a fav - a coach yelling to a distance runner at the end of a race

\"now become a sprinter\"