EPO is my middle name wrote:
Its time that you settle this like a man.
First, you must have the proper equipment. All black and a turtleneck with the sleeves cut off will suit you nicely. Purchase a boombox and strap it to your back. Instead of a hydration belt, you can just have a kangaroo-like pouch in the front of the turtleneck to store various goos and fluids. When you're done you should look something like this:
http://cdn.concreteplayground.com/v3/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/boombox.jpgNow that you're prepared, CHALLENGE HIM TO A MARATHON ON THE TRACK, and when your starting cannon goes off, make sure that you're playing "The Best of Nickelback Volume 1" at the volume of UP TO ELEVEN,,settle in at around 9:00 pace, wait for him to lap you, then, as he slithers by, deliver a firm, but elastic, roundhouse kick DIRECTLY to the larynx.
Having nobly defeated him in this honorable duel, you now have rights to his kingdom, property, and vassals. Next, you must take his bike and lay siege to his home until they submit to your jurisdiction.
Only once you've stolen his wife, children, home, and bike, does the proper etiquette in these situations allow for you to call the police. Report that there is a hostage situation at the local track, and that there is a man dressed in cycling gear lying on the track armed with a Dragunov SVU. As the SWAT teams roll in, make sure that you aim laser pointers at their helicopters.
At this point you should still be wearing the boombox, and the album should be about at the song "Something in Your Mouth". A fitting tribute to your ultimate triumph, and an excellent soundtrack for him in his final pathetic moments.
