robert paulson wrote:
jc123 wrote:Look the thing is that when he initially asked, he put it in a way that made me empathize and agree since I thought "poor guy, plus moving across the country.." upon reflecting about why we broke up etc. I realized this could be awkward.
I don't want to make assumptions- are you a female or gay? People are writing as if you are female but I don't think you said.
If you don't want to make assumptions, then it shouldn't matter.
jc123 wrote:
I'm afraid that there's too much attachment on his end and I feel bad about it. Anyone ever been in a similar situation? Was it awkward? I don't really want to go to a nice place, just keep it as casual as possible...
My impression is that you're the one with attachment issues, and are a poor communicator, imposing thoughts into the situation that didn't actually happen, possibly that being the reason you broke up with him, due to the stress you created. Plus you're being a drama queen.
If you really don't want to meet with him, then tell him that and don't go.
[quote]jc123 wrote:
I know this post is going to get lots of trolls but there's some good advice on here so I might as well try...
I was dating a guy for some months and broke up with him around 1-2 months ago for a number of reasons, but I think we ended on good terms (even if it hurt him more than it did me, because he was more invested in it). Anyway, I didn't recontact him and we were out of each others lives until he messaged me 2 weeks ago wishing my happy birthday, and then told me that he had gotten laid off at his job and was going home (across the country) indefinitely in December.
[quote]
You say 1-2 months. Which was it? Because if it was one month and he contacted you two weeks ago then you really haven't been out of his life at all.
It was just starting to be fall
now it's Thanksgiving
almost XMas really
the green leaves are browned
mostly gone except under the shade tree
It's been a long long time
Broke up about 7-8 weeks ago, he contacted me about 2 weeks ago
he got laid off, he has to move back with mom and dad.
you were the only good thing he had going - is dinner with him so difficult?
Don't do it. This cannot end well for either of you. Why open old wounds?
So?
Old wounds? It was a couple of months ago.. This is just scab picking.
Uh, scab picking IS opening old wounds. Try to keep up.
I've read every post in this thread. I think almost everyone here is being way too dramatic.
OP, it was good and decent of you to agree to this. Don't listen to these other people. He is leaving for good and will likely not be back. You will likely never see him again. Despite the fact you guys are done, you were important in his life, and he was a significant person in your life. Life is short. Meeting one last time just to chat and say goodbye is not a big deal and is the least you can do, especially if he's buying. Given you are not crazy about the idea, lunch is a great idea as it's more casual and generally quicker. If he tries to get sentimental, be kind, but don't allow too much of it. If it gets awkward, just remind yourself you're never going to see him after this, so hopefully you can endure 5-20min of awkwardness.
Others, you guys are being either Aholes or idiots. Do not encourage girls to do things for guys out of pity. That's pathetic. And guys, NEVER attempt to get a girl's attention through pity. It makes you look terrible and makes the girl uneasy. This girl should go and see the guy just out of common decency. I broke up with my last girlfriend a year ago and have no desire to ever speak to her again (not that she was a bad person; we just weren't right for each other), but if she asked me to meet with her I would oblige. Meeting with someone a single time is not asking much, especially given the circumstances.
Please do let us know how it goes.
Thanks Guppy for this great reply, especially after back and forth advice which is to be expected on a message board. Always been a fan of many of your posts on this website.
I did want to do it out of common decency and you put everything in good perspective.
I'll let you all know how it goes.
They guy is being overbearing by insisting on a nice dinner and making sure it is known he is paying. By asking if lunch is the only time you are available confirms he is looking for a final romantic date. He has a scenario in his mind that is more than just a "hey thanks, see you around." He is acting like a stray wounded puppy playing on your pity. He is weak. He wished you a happy bday hoping you would create a safe communication for him to share his situation and ask for a meeting. Once you said yes he pushed for more. This relationship hasn't ended for him. He's been thinking about you all along and has continued his feelings for you while you were out living your life. You already know he was more into you than you were to him. This is actually a role reversal. He is acting like women often act when they don't want a relationship to end.
Simply tell him given his most recent communication you have changed your mind and wish him luck. When he asks why, tell him you thought he wanted a quick goodbye, but subsequent communication has made it clear he is making more of this encounter than you are comfortable with.
As others have said, be clear, decisive, and be done with it. He won't recognize it now, but it is best for him too.
Meet him for dinner. Be nice, cheerful, light-hearted and squash any sort of sentimental wallowing on his part. Hopefully it won't happen. The guy obviously cared about you and knows it's highly unlikely he will see you again so he wants one last meeting in order to have a good memory. It means something to him, so indulge him with this. As long as you keep things strictly on the side of friendship, it should be fine. It won't be awkward if you don't let it be awkward. On another note, I would have maybe one glass of wine or cocktail...tops. If he tries to order a bottle, say that you don't feel like drinking that much. Or just have water. Bottles of wine tend to bring a more romantic note to a dinner and you want none of that.
You are! wrote:
Uh, scab picking IS opening old wounds. Try to keep up.
No. The wound must be healed before it can be re=opened..
Trust me. I'm a doctor.
Smell each others farts
It sounds to me like you don't deserve this guy at all. You are playing games with him. Just tell him no and move on....
Good grief girls like you are why guys go psycho, drag him around and then crush him again. Please do society a favor and become a lesbo.
Thanks
Wounded knees wrote:
You are! wrote:Uh, scab picking IS opening old wounds. Try to keep up.
No. The wound must be healed before it can be re=opened..
Trust me. I'm a doctor.
A doctor would know that a scab is a sign of a healed wound.
You need to let Brandon know it's over a so that running marathons as workouts (especially with 10+ min positive splits) is bad both physically and mentally.
In all seriousness, is he good looking?
I don't get people. He is moving across the country. There is no chance at having thing guy bugging you to get back together. Not to mention, it doesn't sound like he wants that either. Soooo... go to dinner and then get in one last freak session.
Why would you not?