Anyone dated a girl with a borderline personality disorder?

One more piece of advice I will give you....

When you break it off, never ever speak to them again. They will do and say things to you that will scar you for life. I made the mistake of trying to get back with mine at one point and I'll never forget the cruel, dark, cold look in her eyes. It was like looking at some demon.

Like I said in a earlier post, they are so broken. It is a mental illness.

DONT DO IT DONT DO IT MY MOM HAS THIS IT WILL RUIN EVERYONES LIFE

Kraftwelt wrote:

When you break it off, never ever speak to them again. They will do and say things to you that will scar you for life. I made the mistake of trying to get back with mine at one point and I'll never forget the cruel, dark, cold look in her eyes. It was like looking at some demon.

Like you I have so many stories. The build up to the car incident was when the elastic band we can metaphorically label my tolerance finally broke.

And you're right. The stuff that would come out of her mouth while she was raging was almost traumatizing. With all that emotion built up over a year's worth of a close relationship you really have to be able to trust that other person. Not just fidelity but with your guard down.

Field Good wrote:

One day she fell down drunk and hit her head,

I think I dated the same girl (Victoria?). Had this habit of blacking out and hitting her head on things, not always drunk. Was like a weekly visitor to the ER. Absolute nutcase in bed. But man, a nightmare of deception. After having a nearly medical-grade panic episode because I had to leave town for a couple weeks for work, she'd phone me 6-7 times a day to cry, beg me to come back, tell how she loved me, tell what she'd do to me sexwise if only I'd come back right now. That was the first week. The second week, she fell and "hit her head" and was put in the hospital for several days (I was told) and then I never heard from her again. Time I got back in town she'd resumed with her previous boyfriend and any time I saw her in public she'd act like we'd never met before. This did not stop her phoning me and leaving angry messages from time to time.

Fast forward some time and she wound up homeless and literally living in her car after she'd burned down essentially every friendship and human relationship she had in that city. Turns out she was a heroin addict the whole time too, stole her best friend's credit card and ran up 7 grand worth of debt on it, got kicked out of another friend's house because she was stealing the girl's spoons to cook up. I let her come by the house once during her car-living period just for the humour of it, but it wasn't funny it was just sad and pathetic. She was still a very pretty girl and it bummed me out to see such potential go to such waste. She hadn't showered in days, and wouldn't, when I offered her use of mine. It had rained the previous few days and all her blankets got wet in her car, and everything stank, sour cigaret and wet filth smell of poverty and psychopathy and emotional ruin. She was wearing a ratty bikini as underwear, I let her wash her clothes in my machine and am somewhat ashamed to report that in spite of her filth and obvious mental disorder she was still hot enough that I was hoping I'd get to ball her one more time. Bought her a meal at a chinese place, during which she tried to hold my hand on top of the table like we were lovers. I took my hand away, and immediately she blew up and accused me of helping her just to try and get in her shorts (guilty), expecting her to whore for this chinese dinner, etc. Made a giant scene at this restaurant, luckily like all chinese places it was empty. I muscled her out, drove her back to her car and she collected her wet blankets and drove off. I laughed my ass off the rest of the night, took two showers and went to bed in my clean sheets.

A month or so later I was again out of town for a while and I get a call from supposedly (I believed it at the time, no reason not to) some police department in New Hampshire. This officer saying a girl by name of her name had been found deceased of apparent OD in a bus depot, my number found in her phone, and they are hoping to get some information about kin, etc. I told them what I knew (not much), they thanked me and I hung up. Was kind of bummed to hear it but not entirely surprised. Anyway of course it was fake. I told, as you naturally would, some mutual friends back in home town about it. But a few weeks later she showed back up there, very much not dead in New Hampshire. She'd found some guy to call me up and impersonate an officer delivering this news. I have no idea why, it wasn't like I was looking for her or she owed me money. Anyway the last I heard was she was going around telling people she was going to get a restraining order against me for telling people she was dead when she wasn't. By that time I wasn't even on the same continent anymore, so I had a good laugh about it.

I think I heard she's at large in los angeles now. So watch out. The whole experience was a fairly traumatising one for me. It called up a lot of questions about how I could have so radically failed to properly assess such a bent girl and allow her such access to my life and person, not to mention the social shame one feels at getting clowned so hard by a diseased sociopath junkie. I have problems trusting anyone now, for any reason, as result of my experience with this girl, so complete was the failure of my early-warning system. I no longer live in the USA because of this. I can't say it was the whole and only reason I left, but I do believe it was the final nail in a very nail-filled coffin.

In spite of all, I feel lucky to have gotten off as easily as I did, after now reading some of these other stories.

Too many.

I found the following to be true. They are great in bed, but for the other parts of the day, wow!

Psychooooo!

My story is similar, one child but we were only married for a year or so. She ruined me financially with all the court costs. The legal battle lasted much longer than the marriage did. I'll be paying my attorney fees for the next 20 years. I've been lucky to keep my son very healthy. I had a very good therapist to advise me.

Between the thread and the other one about cheaters, there has been some really good relationship advice on lrc the last 2 days.

Run, as fast as you can OP. And that is not an exaggeration a single bit.

You sound like a real a-hole.

Just thought you should know.

I'm pretty sure under borderline personality disorder in the DSM-V it says "female".

cluster b wrote:

gilbertsasnfrun wrote:

I'm interested in any stories. I think the girl I'm been dating for a year does...

But just a small view into that world: there's the fits of rage, drastic mood swings, the picking of fights, being set up to rival other males (exes, flirts, etc.), extreme highs and lows of the relationship and so forth.

.

Wow that sounds a lot like my mom.

She was physically draining 80% of the time and emotionally draining the other 20%

It went undiagnosed for a long time. Like the others said, if I was going to meet her at her apartment at 10:00 by 10:05 I'd missed 15 calls, and she was frantic when I arrived. Almost to the point of tears. It's really a sad disease.

Thread summary:

Armchair psychologist's diagnosis of BPD = jilted, pining boyfriend

gilbertsasnfrun wrote:

I'm interested in any stories. I think the girl I'm been dating for a year does...

Well, I see a lot of horror stories about this. I understand that the people with horror stories are the ones more likely to post, but are there ANY cases where the relationship works out? All this stuff described is pretty major, what happens when it's only a minor version of the disorder?

Fortunately, I've never dated a girl with BPD, however my sister-in-law is a text book case for the disorder.

She's 42. Been engaged 4 times and going through her second divorce (married the guy after 5 months of dating and marriage lasted a solid year). Is prone to massive mood swings. When she's not sad, depressed and locked in her room with the lights off, she's letting the world know via instagram and twitter that she's so happy and blessed and has everything. Manic doesn't begin to describe her behavior.

Being around her is torture. She's moody, unpredictable and toxic. She feeds off drama and turmoil. Under no circumstance will I go to a restaurant with her because she treats waiters / waitresses so poorly that it's embarrassing and uncomfortable to be around. It was so bad once that after dinner, I privately apologized to the server because my sister-in-law was so offensive.

I could go on and on and on, but you get the point.

So, long story short, if you find yourself dating a person with these characteristics, run - don't walk - the other way and do not look back.

Dated a girl for 3 years that was bi-polar and had an eating disorder. She was a good runner (finished 9th twice at nationals in track, d3), but was never happy. She was a year older and moved away after graduating. Then I had another year left and we stayed together. Two days before she was supposed to fly back for my graduation she called and said she wasn't coming and that she hadn't loved me for two years. I already had a job where she lives and was heart broken.

I ended up still moving across the country and now live close to her, but have not talked to her. I could not be happier. When you are with someone that has emotional problems it drains you. You are to close to the situation right now to realize how much stress is added to your life. I no longer have to worry about her eating, if she is just going to start yelling at me (or anyone), or if she is going to be in her room crying for an entire day. While dating her I spent countless hours with her as she cried and I tried to help or get her to go to help. I thought I was doing the right thing, I was just thinking of her.

Let me tell you what I have learned in the short time since this has happened. 1. Its not my cross to bear. No one should have to deal with the others emotional problems. An occasional difficult time are to be expected, but it should not be constant. 2. Its really hard making friends in an area you know absolutely no one, but you can and you can make it work. 3. There are negatives always trying to get into your life, keep them out at all costs. This includes people, keep negative people out of your life. They are only vacuums sucking out all of your energy causing issues in other areas (for me I was exhausted from dealing with her issues and I treated my family like shit).

Get out, get out, get out. You will suffer for a while, but do you want to be dealing with these issues in 5, 10 or 30 years? When/if you have kids, would you want your kids to be exposed to this behavior?

My 80 year old mother had BPD. She died recently after 3 horrible marriages, endless emotional abuse and manipulation of her kids and friends (most of whom she lost eventually, hardly anyone who knew her well or longer than a year or two came to her funeral). She became an alcoholic and a geriatric sex addict who was into all kinds of kinky porn at age 80 with her next door married neighbor. To those who didn't know her well, she was the life of the party, never met a stranger, blah blah blah and obviously all the men in her life loved the sex addict part. To those of us who knew her best, she was mean, self-centered, and manipulative. The entire world revolved around her and all she could talk about was herself. I could go on and on. CRAZY and sad. Run, far, far, away...

Well, I see a lot of horror stories about this. I understand that the people with horror stories are the ones more likely to post, but are there ANY cases where the relationship works out? All this stuff described is pretty major, what happens when it's only a minor version of the disorder?

The minor version is every other girl that exists.

Seriously, how do you measure the relationship having worked out? We've heard from several people who were married for years with these women. I dated a girl or two like this, and the relationship always worked out, until it didn't. Like any other relationship.

I think the basic definition of the disorder is an indication that the affected are only capable of relating to others in some sociopathic way. In other words if they are not doing some thing to actively destroy the relationship and / or alienate the other person, then you're dealing with some other disorder. It can't "work out" with a borderline person the same way you can't have a square ball. If it's square, it ain't a ball.

Why is he an a-hole ? You have no clue if you think he is the a-hole.

Read this :

http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?thread=5115443&page=0

Oh, and please get out now before you knock her up and ruin your life.