Never been on a plane before. Please tell me everything I need to know about flying.

this is true wrote:

One thing you should know is that if you hear a chime or a bell shortly after takeoff, this means the plane is about to crash. The pilots use this system to alert the flight attendants without alarming the passengers.

lol nice

RussianBear wrote:

Is always best to have the number of landings equal the number of take-offs. Da!

Flying is great, enjoy it!

I have many, many more takeoffs than landings (with the plane).

The train is much better, if domestic. You can go from New York to Oklahoma city in only 48 hours and you can walk around, eat in the dining car, and have tons of leg room, all for about 500.00 one way. Go trains!

Josh Hamilton's Addiction wrote:

2 or 3 wrote:

Standard response is arrive two hours before flight takes off for domestic flights, three hours for international flights. If you aren't checking in anything, you can probably arrive a bit earlier.

Check flights on cheaptickets.com, expedia.com, etc and fly on Tuesday/Wednesday in general for cheapest flights. Most airlines charge about 25 for each checked bag. Southwest Airlines is famous for having the first two checked bags free and I think Jet Blue gives you the first one free. I'm assuming that you did an internet search on this right?

This is better than an internet search because I know the people from Letsrun. Thanks for the advice so far. Question: How big can a carry on be? I have a medium sized dufflebag that will be more than enough for carrying clothes. Can I carry that on?

Dude, an official government or airline website>>>>>anonymous poster on letsrun.

TrainsInsteadMan wrote:

The train is much better, if domestic. You can go from New York to Oklahoma city in only 48 hours and you can walk around, eat in the dining car, and have tons of leg room, all for about 500.00 one way. Go trains!

Wat? I like taking Amtrak, but a one way ticket cross country costs more than a round trip flight. And it takes several days.

3/10. I laughed for a few seconds until the troll lights went on. Nice try!

If you get some chatty fooker beside you who won't stfu, interrupt them with the following: "look, I have to warn you, I have this weird medical condition, when I fall asleep my eyes stay open. Please don't be alarmed if this happens" A few minutes later, let your head slowly loll to the side until you are motionless, staring staring straight at them. Maybe drool a little.

If you want recipes for delicious in-flight treats, I suggest renting "Alive" and take notes!

this is a great thread, whether it was started with sincerity or not, the sarcastic answers are pretty strong.

in case you were serious...

- when you've gotten to the terminal and are waiting to board, go up to the counter (well before it's time to board the plane) and ask if you can upgrade your seat to have more legroom. it's usually possible, costs about $50 and will make the flight feel much shorter and you'll be way more relaxed when you get to wherever it is you're going.

- if it's a long enough or late enough flight you think you'll be sleeping at all, bring one of those pillow/cushion things that goes around your neck and acts as a support for your head to fall to the left or right. otherwise, sleeping on a plane can be tough.

- the earplugs are definitely a good idea.

- i know you like yourself a beer or two, so be sure to have a drink once they start serving them.

- unless you are flying out of an extremely busy airport, 2 hours before domestic or 3 hours before intl is about triple the amount of time you'll actually need, so don't stress if you're running late.

domestic pro wrote:

- i know you like yourself a beer or two, so be sure to have a drink once they start serving them.

This is a point I was going to ask about. Beers on a plane obviously cost money, right? About how much does a beer cost? Probably not allowed to bring a flask onto the plane, right?

re: deucing mid-flight - or just taking a leak. If you don't think you'll make it though the whole flight go as soon as the "fasten seat belt" sign is turned off, a few minutes after take off. Don't wait until it's an issue. Flight attendents will be blocking the aisle with drink carts for good portions of the flight.

Tell them you have a bomb, IN YOUR PANTS.

My one piece of advice for all air travelers, not just new ones, is be relaxed and go with the flow. The nature of air travel is some kind of disruption or inconvenience. Yes, your flight could be delayed. You may have that fat guy sitting next to you. If a baby is in the row behind you it will probably cry the whole trip. The flight attendant may bust your balls and make you check your bag. You may get felt up by TSA security. Don't be high maintenance or stress out about disruptions. Remain calm and don't get upset. It's a few hours out of your life and it's possible it will suck.

The fact that I am a dumba$$ withstanding, I always seem to forget something in that pocket on the back of the seat. Carry on as little as possible and be sure you have everything while taxiing. Don't wait or you may get rushed getting overhead bags and forget something.

Mr. Obvious wrote:

RussianBear wrote:

Is always best to have the number of landings equal the number of take-offs. Da!

Flying is great, enjoy it!

I have many, many more takeoffs than landings (with the plane).

Me too, former paratrooper. Nothing is more exhilarating than standing in the open door of a plane in flight, then stepping out and having the blast from the aircraft blow you away from the plane. Geronimo!

1 oz or less. Be sure to put your flask in a plastic baggy. Might be better to put it in a travel size shampoo holder.

What if the plane is mounted on a treadmill? Will it still take off?

Seriously:

Remember where you park your car. Consider writing down the lot and section number and putting it in your wallet.

Don't say the word "bomb". Ever.

Wear loafers or flip-flops - they're easier to take on and off in the crowded security line.

Dress light. I've never gotten cold in a terminal or a plane but sometimes the inside of those planes can reach 80 degrees+ with no air circulation while you are on the ground. This is compounded by being packed in like sardines.

If you check a bag, don't forget to pick it up at the baggage area after the flight (duh).

When you pick a line to go through security, choose a line with Asians and no little kids or elderly. Asians are efficient and little kids and elderly are not.

If you are as cheap as me, take along an empty water bottle (Dasani, etc). Once you pass through security you can fill it at a water fountain to take on the plane. Otherwise you might sit in a delayed plane for a couple hours with no drink. I hate to pay $3-$5 for drinking water.

Take some reading material like Readers Digest or a novella. There won't be as much to see on the plane as you expect.

Try to get a window seat for your first flight.

Practice posing like a banana. That's the shape you will need to maintain in your seat throughout the flight.

+1

especially on the security line, water bottle, book, and banana posing.

this is true wrote:

One thing you should know is that if you hear a chime or a bell shortly after takeoff, this means the plane is about to crash. The pilots use this system to alert the flight attendants without alarming the passengers.

lol.

Also scope out what elderly and infirm passengers you'll have to step on to have the easiest route out of the inferno if the plane goes down.

Or just sit near a door.

Avoid fatties between you and the door, it'll be tough to negotiate around them when it all goes wrong. As it likely will.