Violent thoughts toward motorists and hecklers

Running w/ my about 10 HS teamates and 2 or 3 wannabe punks at a bus stop call us f*gs or something to that affect expecting us to run by and take the abuse. He was sadly mistaken because we stopped and surrounded the kid and threatened to kick the everliving sh- out of him for being such a punk. He was so f'n scared out of his mind he stuttered his way through an apology. Good times.

How slow are you that all this crap happens to you on a 4 mile run? None of this would have happened if you used a heart rate monitor.

I'm a jerk anyway so it doesn't take much to set me off.

One time I was crossing an intersection with the light and the guy stopped at the front of the line of cars honked right as I went by. I was off in la-la land and it scared the shit out of me! I jumped about 6 feet in the air. Turned and looked and it was big fat man, big fat wife, and big fat kids in the car laughing at me for jumping at the noise of the horn. I stopped and flipped them off, then kicked the front edge of the car - the plastic pieces which cover the turn signal lamp just exploded into about 100 little pieces. Big fat guy tried to get out of the car but couldn't get his gut out from under the steering wheel fast enough. It was pretty funny.

Everyone gets the Gump thing, my best response was to a group of kids about 13-15 years old. Then yelled at me. I stopped, and asked them come along for a few minutes. The kid who said said "well, I can't..." to which I replied "well, then shut up" or something like that. The kids got real quiet and as I ran off one said to the other "Dude, that guy told you".

Anyone want to start a runners "fight club"?

I once killed a man, just to watch him die... oh, wait... that's another post, isn't it? Oh geez, what have I told!

I'm writing to this group from Folsom prison. I too was a pissed off runner. In 1978 I was out running, when these jackass marines drive by my yelling out the car window and tossing beer cans at me. Well I flipped them the bird and they ripped their car around and came after me. I was a Green Beret in the Nam so these jar heads were no match for my and unfortunately I killed both of them. So I honed my mile skills in prison, running around the yard. They even had a few meets here for me in prison. Yeah, I ran against the likes of Scott, Speirs, Lacy and others back in 79. But the US Oly Committee wouldn't let me try out for the team. So let that be a lesson to you guys and don't go killing no one.

I always wondered what it would be like to have to train in prison...did you get the proper athletic training care/facilities while you trained in the detention facility?

Ummm...any chance you can run someplace else? I've flipped off a few bozos in my day. Use that anger to hammer out a better workout. Getting insulted is one thing, but being forced off the road is something else altogether. If you really get hacked off, take down the license plate and call in a complaint. Turns out the cops will follow up on that shit if what the driver did was deemed dangerous.

True and sad story: One night (Oakland, Calif., Halloween 1982--when I was 18--a long time ago) we were out and this green station wagon comes barrelling around the corner, tires screeching all the way, half in the wrong lane, and scatters us. I got a weird, uncomfortable feeling because at the time my best friend (Troy Olds) was halfway around the block, test-riding a bicycle he was interested in. Turns out he was killed by this recklessly driving lunatic. We found him twitching by the road and hacking up blood with his last breath. The paramedics had to call his mother, none of us could bring ourselves to do it.

So you can imagine our rage and frustration, to put it too mildly, that we 'failed' to get this f***head's plate. At that age, how quickly would we have torn the driver to shreds if he had taken off and we had somehow found him, especially that night? No doubt it stayed with some of us for a long time. So if it's just some BS name-calling, blow it off, but if they get aggressive with you while driving, get their license plates if you can and get some of these muthaf***in' idiots off the road.

Dudes, i have a friend who once got run off the road by some idiot in a nice mustang. This would happen everytime he would cycle to work. so one day after this happened 3 or 4 times, he dicided to come prepared for once. At a stop light, he met up with the guys car, the next day, and when the guy started laughing at him cause he was in spandex, he preceded to dump a water bottle full of Paint remover all over the guys hood. Then he booked it on the sidewalk in the opposite way. Needless to say that guy never f***ed around anymore....

P.s. I always cycle with a few rocks in my back pocket just in case some motha f***a wants to mess around.

Peace.

me and a training partner last year were in the sticks at a track doing a 2 mile time trial. So these three early high school guys and one of ems gf are on the swingsets. and they are calling us gay, was wearin a heart rate monitor and the kids actually had some tape, taped their chests like a hrm and then taped gay onto their backs. So i finish, and im kinda jacked and a college runner, so slightly intimidating (to high schoolers)...i walk up to them and am like who said that, they all point to the smallest kid...i look at the biggest kid whose voice i recognized as the perpetrator. I told him to shut the f*** up and quit tryin to boost his ego in front of his woman...something about "im gay? how many times have you had sex with a woman kid?....none...then shut the f*** up". its amazing...they all shut the f*** up.

One time last year I was running on a bike path and some dipshit is sitting there smoking with his girlfriend and a buddy, I see them and they see me comming, I knew something was going to happen, well this guy just blows a big puff of smoke in my path and say the infamous "run, forest, run" line, I'm just like "great havn't heard that one before asshole" then he's like "f*** you man" and I'm just like "suck my dick buddy" and he says "how about I strangle you instead." At this point i'm about 20m away and I pick up a rock throw it at the guy, hit him in the arm or something and say "yeah try catching me first" then I take off he chases me for about 100m I dust the f***er, look back and yell, "Nice job bitch" then continue on my merry way.

It is sweet becasue if you are both on foot then you can act tough because they'll never be able to catch you.

i was on an 8 miler and i had just started and i get about a half mile away from my house and some car turns a corner about 200 meters in front of me and peels out coming right at me so i jump in a ditch(literally) and he yells something at me while im lying in the ditch. i was so f***ing pissed that about 4 miles later, some 14 year old girl yells run forest run. great. the funny thing was she was fat. very fat. so i yelled hey fat bitch, looks like you could use some running, and not more ho-hos. her friend stopped the car and turned around but by then, i had already turned the corner and was gone. what are some good things to say to people when they yell stupid shit at you? i would like to know so i can use them. i get yelled at on every run. no joke.

My vulgar yet coherent demeanor has led to some interesting f***in' encounters in my 40 f***ing years of running.

My favorite story unfolded about fifteen frigging years ago, when I was on a business trip in the historic and butt-cold shitpile of wasted humanity known as Boston, Massachusetts. I did not know that East Coasters would find my attire unusual (biking shorts, no shirt, earmuffs) but within a quarter f***ing mile of my setting out along the river (Charles?) the hecklers beset me from all sides. Shit. First it was a bunch of Irishmen (I assume) with red, bulbous f***ing noses and boozy frigging breath, calling me a queerbait and waggling their unwiped freckly asses in my face. Then came the homeboys, riding in huge pimpwagons and all f***ing hopped up on crack cocaine (then a novelty) and quoting lines of doggerel and dialogue from "New Jack Fucking City" (also a novelty at the time). Later in the run, which was only a four-miler(!), whores in the Combat Zone taunted me with views of their private parts and even the businessmen in the financial district were giving me loads of f***ing guff, whistling like construction workers. I felt like the whole f***ing city, this so-called cradle of America, was out to get me so I said the f***ing hell with it and ditched the f***ing biking shorts. I was now mincing and prancing along Storrow Drive (where I don't think f***ing runners are supposed to be) with my ample manparts crashing and bouncing against my thighs. Time and again gangs of toughs would stop to challenge me and with a big f***ing grin I would hoist them over my head and, ignoring their terrified cries for mercy, would toss them in front of oncoming f***ing trucks. Eventually Paddy the Irish Constable came after me with about 45 of his f***ing friends and tried to take me into custody, but after they beat me about the head and face for a few minutes I clambered to my feet and brought my manhood crashing down upon the noggin of the biggest f***ing cop, a man named O'Flaherty I believe. As the cops regarded their fallen comrade with fear I escaped and took the next f***ing plane back to Chicago.

All part and parcel of being a f***ing runner. Get used to it, boys.

Simple solution to all this...keep a rock in one hand for that one annoying sonofabitch who decides to be a hero in the automobile throwing, cursing, or simply driving way too close (in that event, key the car with the rock). Like I just said, if the car is close enough, stick the rock out and use it to key the car, if the car is far away just reach back and hurl that muthaf***er as hard as possible at the rear window!

After reading all these messages, I'm going to go for a run and beat the shit out of the first car I see!

Actually, I have to carry a cell phone with me when I run (work thing), and the other day, some dumbshit driving a van with his company's phone number on the side tried to run me off the road.

I called his boss, told him what happened, and told him that I could either work it out with him, or he could work it out with the police. He said he couldn't do anything since his boss wasn't around. I told him to f*** off and the next call he was getting was from the police.

The cops arrested the guy in his office that night. They called me, said they had him in custody, and would I like to press charges. I talked to the boss, who was now there. I asked the boss how it felt hiring someone so stupid that he would do something like that with his phone number in 24" letters on the van. The boss fired the guy right there and thanked me for "cleaning his gene pool."