Need advice on how to deal with spousal issues

wimpy advice?!?! How about this- you can be nice to ur wife and kids AND run fine if you stop crying about either running at noon or getting up early enough to run and then help with the kids. Maybe itll toughen u up a little. So its hot so what just drink more and run the proper effort and ull survive.

I'm absolutely shocked by all the well-balanced, well-intentioned, creative, rational solutions and advice being offered with very limited misogny.

Try wrote:

I think you need to start looking at this a little differently. It sounds like your wife is being pretty reasonable. You may be the one that needs to "get with the program." I know this from personal experience: treating your wife like she's a nag when she's making very reasonable requests can lead to disaster. Be careful, my friend, these are the years you have to prioritize your family. First figure out what's necessary on that front, and then fit the marathon training in on top of that, if you can.

I agree with that. Your first responsibility is t your family, and you should never take your wife for granted. Unless you make a living from running marathons, I think she's 100% right.

you're whipped, give that woman a piece of your backhand

Get your ass out of bed at 4 a.m. like me. I run 10 miles 5 mornings per week, 1 track session, and 1 tempo run the other 2 days. I skip the tempo run 2 x per month and substitute a 20 miler. 3 25 minute lifting sessions as well.

I'm finished every day by 6:45 a.m...the old lady is just waking up by that time and the kids are up at 7.

Dump her. She's no good. Spouses and children are what I like to call "dead weight." They will only slow you and your marathon times d-o-w-n.

Henpecked wrote:

Christ. What kind of wimpy advice is this? I thought this was a message board for SERIOUS runners.

Next time I need help, I'll post a question on lets-golf.com.

If you're such a SERIOUS runner, why do you have two young kids? What's more important, the running or the kids? If running was more important, you should have waited to start a family. You didn't. Now you have to do your part and help out your wife, who apparently just wants to share in the burden of raising a young family (big surprise there).

So you must think it's 1950 and you can do whatever you want and she'll raise the kids? After all, a SERIOUS marathoner who has done two marathons already can't possibly be bothered to raise the kids when he's pursuing a 4:00 marathon, right?

If you're a SERIOUS runner, you could get your ass out of bed before your wife gets up. Even a lot of non-SERIOUS runners do that.

Seriously, some women have more tolerance than others. My wife lets me get away with doing a weekend long run but I try damn hard to run very early in the morning the rest of the time. I'm happy she lets me do my long run and she's happy that I do the rest of my running while she sleeps.

Henpecked wrote:

Christ. What kind of wimpy advice is this? I thought this was a message board for SERIOUS runners.

Next time I need help, I'll post a question on lets-golf.com.

A SSRIOUS, non-wimpy, runner would just put up with the heat, or get up really early, or go at 10pm like Steve Scott did during the summers in Scottsdale.

They're your kids too.

dont know how old the kids are, but i have mine ride their bikes with me when i go for runs. we get to talk, they get some exercise and someone is with them to watch them.

I have a 4 yr old son, my wife's an attorney and I run on average about 80 mpw. I get up at 3:30 and if I could go to bed before my son does at 8:00 p.m., I would. You're a selfish, blaming, shit bag who is too lazy to get up early and stays up late watching sports. Sorry I said that - I got carried away.

HRE wrote:

They're your kids too.

Are we sure about that?

The other fella wrote:

HRE wrote:

They're your kids too.

Are we sure about that?

That would make a difference.

I have a wife and two kids and have done the Marathon training several times, to upwards of 140 mpw. The great thing is that my wife is a runner too.

1. Family first.

2. Try to get your wife into a hobby where she gets some time to herself or with her friends.

3. Get your runs when you can. It gets to 112 here were I live and I still run at 4PM because that's when I can do it without interuption to everything else. You will get used to the heat, it's just about getting your mind right.

4. Do the Saturday runs earlier, so it doesn't take away from the family time.

I agree with the others who say work your running in around your family.

I get the kids up and ready for school. In addition, I drive them there on my way to work. At night, my wife cooks while I do the dishes. I then help with the homework while my wife grades papers from her teaching job.

Try to work your running in around the kids' activities. I run while my kids are at soccer practice. That beats sitting around at a practice and then running later.

I often run at 5:30 a.m., and I'll throw in a 2nd run at lunch or during the kids' soccer practice. I prefer the morning time because there's less chance of losing a run to life events.

The person who suggested "mowing the carpet" more often is flat wrong. If you don't help out around the house, don't count on getting the goodies. I can promise you that the more active I am around the house, the more active she is in the bedroom.

I learned that you can make all of this work a long time ago. My wife was pregnant with the 2nd child while the first was 2 years old. My wife was put on bedrest, so I had to do everything. That meant getting up at 6 a.m., getting breakfast for everyone, getting the 2-year-old ready to go to daycare, and driving him there. I also made sure my wife had everything she needed, such as lunch, so that she didn't have to get up during the day.

After work, I picked up the 2-year-old, cooked dinner for everyone, did the dishes, did the laundry and cleaning, played with the little one, bathed him, and put him to bed. After spending some time with my wife and getting her settled down for the night, I would go for a run. I was putting in 11 miles/day, and I often didn't start until 10 p.m. After running, showering, and unwinding, I would go to bed about midnight. The whole routine would begin anew the next day.

It's all about priorities.

Speaking as a 40-something guy with a job and two kids:

Several issues here, one of which is balance. But this is going to be easier if you're a 40-65 mpw guy just wanting to run daily and qualify for Boston (me) versus someone trying to be more elite. I think in some way the toughest runners are folks who just squeeze under the Olympic marathon trials cut-off -- they're too slow to get money and support, but to run that fast they still do 80-120 mpw and have to be dedicated.

My advice: if you plan to run once a day, get a treadmill for "those days" when all else fails and you find yourself running on the treadmill at 10PM (which isn't ideal, but it beats not running -- and a 90-minute treadmill run can be a good workout, ask Christine Clark), but try to get up early most days. If I get out the door by 5:30 I can get a good run in before the kids are up. On the weekend, if I start running by 6:00 I can have a long run done by 8:30, and that doesn't inconvenience the family too much. Then everyone goes to IHOP and watches dad eat 3000 calories ( . . . runners, the last people in America who show no fear in the face of carbohydrates . . . )

Miles and Miles wrote:

I have a wife and two kids and have done the Marathon training several times, to upwards of 140 mpw. The great thing is that my wife is a runner too.

1. Family first.

2. Try to get your wife into a hobby where she gets some time to herself or with her friends.

3. Get your runs when you can. It gets to 112 here were I live and I still run at 4PM because that's when I can do it without interuption to everything else. You will get used to the heat, it's just about getting your mind right.

4. Do the Saturday runs earlier, so it doesn't take away from the family time.

Here's a thought. Maybe instead of trying to get the wife to do certain things, how about if you decide she has a brain of her own and can decide for herself what to do or not do! I suppose you want her to bring you the paper and rub your feet when you get home? This isn't 1950 anymore!

Henpecked wrote:

I'm training for my third marathon, and my wife...

Holy Shit man, YOU'RE COMPLAINING?! I'VE got three wives and eight kids. I'm lucky if I can get in 6 miles a week.

Show her how your pimp hand is way strong.