Don't stop there! A hasty apology and millions in foreign aid should cut it.
Don't stop there! A hasty apology and millions in foreign aid should cut it.
I would need a left handed smoke shifter.
Going with a shoty, also works for zombies.
Bat is no good unless you are sneaking up behind. You will be disarmed in seconds in a straight up confrontation if the chimp is intent on attacking you or he will be inside of the effective range of the bat too soon. Knife is also very iffy because you have to get in too close.
At a minimum, it needs to be something long and sharp - spear, sword, ax - with sword being best because it would be hardest for the chimp to grab and disarm you - so you can keep the chimp at a distance while doing some damage. Bow and arrow or crossbow maybe, if you have a lot of distance to begin with, but you'd better make the 1st shot count.
Firearms, at least repeating firearms, are more than the minimum needed to make the fight even, but of course I wouldn't want to have to fight an enraged attacking chimp on an even basis.
dartmoth graduate wrote:
Don't stop there! A hasty apology and millions in foreign aid should cut it.
You'd better check with Israel first. They have first dibs on american taxpayer money
Any adult man could probably kill a chimp easily with a well-swung baseball bat, a strong blow to the head or body would be just as incapacitating as it is to a human. There is nothing magic or special about chimps; they just have stronger upper bodies than the average human but their skulls and brains are injured just as easily.
Ventolin's tables
I agree and really the baseball bat is probably the correct response. Keep in mind the task is to make the contest even, so 50% of the time the chimp would win and 50% of the time the man would win.You have to assume both contestants are ready so there is no surprise charge. The man would need some instruction on how to use the bat and the bat can't be too big and heavy. Bats can easily break bones and skulls.
dumb wrote:
Any adult man could probably kill a chimp easily with a well-swung baseball bat, a strong blow to the head or body would be just as incapacitating as it is to a human. There is nothing magic or special about chimps; they just have stronger upper bodies than the average human but their skulls and brains are injured just as easily.
dumb wrote:
Any adult man could probably kill a chimp easily with a well-swung baseball bat, a strong blow to the head or body would be just as incapacitating as it is to a human. There is nothing magic or special about chimps; they just have stronger upper bodies than the average human but their skulls and brains are injured just as easily.
It is true that a strong blow to the head would be incapacitating. It is not true that one to the body would be. More importantly, the odds of landing a clean hit to the head on the first shot are not good (<20%). And a first shot is all you've got. After that, it's game over.
You would need a 170 lb chimpanzee on your side to make it even.
Once a chimp clamps down on any part of your body, it's sayonara to that body part. They can rip your face, hands, or feet off. Short of a firearm, shotgun, uzi, etc, you don't have a chance.
Conundrum wrote:
I agree and really the baseball bat is probably the correct response. Keep in mind the task is to make the contest even, so 50% of the time the chimp would win and 50% of the time the man would win.
You have to assume both contestants are ready so there is no surprise charge. The man would need some instruction on how to use the bat and the bat can't be too big and heavy. Bats can easily break bones and skulls.
Chimp would have the bat out of your hands so fast you wouldn't know what hit you....because you'd be dead.
1. Bring Bugs Bunny along with you
2. Dress Bugs up as a chimp hooker
3. ???
4. Profit!
nil chance wrote:
Once a chimp clamps down on any part of your body, it's sayonara to that body part. They can rip your face, hands, or feet off. Short of a firearm, shotgun, uzi, etc, you don't have a chance.
Not exactly, but soft body parts without any bones, lol you get the idea, would get ripped off pretty easy. Sex organs, tounge, fingers, nose, ears, etc.
They can't just rip off your arm, that takes insane amounts of strength even chimps don't have.
brass knuckles
At only 170 lb I'd grab it by a foot and spin it around repeatedly in circles until I found a cliff to throw it off or a moving truck to throw it into the path of.
I can hit a hard ball with a bat in the fastest batting cages and they are moving at 70 to 90 mph, so I would have a fighting chance of landing a hard shot to its head. And, the chimp would also have to plan to take the bat away. It might just plan to attack without trying to disarm me.I think I would plan to charge the chimp. The psychology of the attack would give me an additional edge.Again the task is to identify the weapon that gives a man a 50% chance to beat the chimp.
Brian Wave wrote:
Chimp would have the bat out of your hands so fast you wouldn't know what hit you....because you'd be dead.
Interesting question: chimps don't usually get that big, but it is possible (typically average 90-110 lbs). It is hard to think of a weapon that doesn't give one side a decided advantage. I would guess Bowie knife; however, I'm guessing this based on having a 50% chance of winning and possibly quite wounded.
Dave Wottle wrote:
The chimp would need some sort of blunt object, maybe a knife. Anything less and hes in trouble
Bravo. +1
LOL I love the chimp threads that pop up every few months.
A baseball bat? Really? Chimps are amazingly agile and fast, you'd get maybe one solid swing in (and would miss by 2-3 feet) before the chimp got up on your ass and annihilated you.