I can't relate to anyone my age.

Umm... wrote:

Yes. We can tell, especially going by your posts about sex before marriage.

And to that, I still can't tell if you're just trolling. Seriously, eat candy and drink soda and late night snacking? That's gotta be a joke, right?

Well crap. The OP's personality sounds similar to mine, and you thought the two of us were the same person.

Geez...

I guess I'm not as unique as I thought.

"Candela" through this thread I have discovered while rare, there are in fact a few of us out that that share similar values.

We should be proud of who we are and not change for anything/anyone.

To the OP: For Christ's sakes dude, you sound like Ryan Hall striving to not commit a damn sin. Unless you're a superb college runner who isn't on a team, sacrificing your life won't do much for your career on and off the track. Either you picked a crappy college or can't seem to pull the stick out of your ass. Live a little.

It's strange how everyone so vehemently opposes my views though. I'm not trying to impose them on anyone -- I'm just sharing them. Drinking, premarital sex, software piracy -- they are easy to give into but I think participating in these activities leads to a hollower, less fulfilling life. And I find that hanging around people that do these things just isn't very enjoyable (regardless of what Letsrun says, there's plenty of people who don't do these things and I certainly enjoy hanging out with them).

Hang out with people who aren't your age. There is a world outside of college. Other than my team, I didn't relate to anyone my age when I was in college either. Surely there are other runners/people with common interests in your city(?).

[quote]Just going to be honest wrote:

My Life Consists of Wake up, Run, Eat, Class, Run, Study, Bed Repeat. I go to bed early and wake up early. This is rare in college.

join the schools team, that is pretty much the schedule of everyone who is on a team.

I'm going to respond to your thread in more detail in the morning when I am sober, but I know exactly how you feel. When I started college 6 years ago, I was in the exact same boat. Actually, right now, I relate better to middle-aged folks that other people in their mid-twenties. More to come...

If we’re going to be honest… I think this must be a troll attempt, as a lot of your responses seem to fit the cliché a bit too well. But I’ll take the bait and treat it seriously.

I had similar feelings as a college freshman. I was expecting kids to be more serious, interested in school, more (not less) responsible with partying in relation to class and athletics. I also felt judgmental, “mature,” etc. But here’s the thing. There is no perfect plan to follow in life. There’s not this strict list of foods to avoid and ones to eat, classes to take, miles to run a day, that will make you happy or successful. It just doesn’t work that way.

I had my best season of XC after a summer of lower mileage, 0 expectations, and once I began drinking and parting more regularly. Now did drinking cause me to be a better runner? No. But have an open attitude towards my fellow runners and college students, being relaxed and not worrying about things, and then still training hard but not obsessively despite not having the perfect build up, led to 1 minute prs and reaching goals I had completely given up on a few months prior.

Just to drive the point home a bit more. You’re going to die. Believe me that's a much bigger deal than underage drinking. Who came up with 21 anyway? Do you realize different countries and time periods have different laws and customs in respect to drinking? Lighten up.

You don’t need to start drinking but you do need to stop be so uptight and judgmental. The stress, loneliness and depression you admit you’re experiencing are probably worse for you than if you were happy and binge drinking every weekend. Or smoking some pot before your races. Running is mental. If you’re not happy, content, or at the very least relaxed you’ll never race to your potential or even current fitness for that matter. Good luck and learn to enjoy life.

i'll agree that you sound like a troll, but i will bite as well. i'm in a similar position. i go to a school that is VERY party-heavy. i knew that coming in, but i came here simply because we have a good cross country team. i would much rather go to an art museum or listen to a good orchestra on a friday night, but it's impossible to find other people our age who don't just want to get hammered. just tonight i got dragged along by my teammates to a lacrosse party (the epitome of collegiate parties) and had to walk out after about an hour. to be honest, there's not really much you can do, but here are a few options. hang out with the older guys on the team. most of the time they probably drink as well, but from my experiences, with them it's usually just sitting around in a house watching football and having a few beers. or, you can just bite the bullet and try to act like you're having a good time at some frat party with your teammates. who knows, you might even get the chance to bang some chick you have no interest in and who won't remember you in the morning.

casual commentary wrote:

learn how to enjoy drinking or at the very least give it a try. you never know you might enjoy yourself

What sh*tty advice.

If you have to resort to mind altering substances as the only way to have fun, then that is your problem, but don't try to give this guy the same one.

I've never known drinking to actually help anyone.

Nothing wrong with drinking sociably, but if that is your escape, or your only way to have fun, you've got some serious problems.

candela wrote:

It's strange how everyone so vehemently opposes my views though. I'm not trying to impose them on anyone -- I'm just sharing them. Drinking, premarital sex, software piracy --

Exactly. At first people say "we don't care what your views are, just keep them to yourself and don't impose them on us."

You do that, and then they take it a step further and make fun of you for having your certain views, and try to pressure you into changing them.

They say it is about policy, and that they do not want your views imposed on them, and otherwise it is ok. In reality, it is about changing the way you think. They don't like and can't tolerate those who think differently from them. They are just as bigoted as anyone else is.

You should just get a boyfriend.

To OP - why not consider transfer if you are lonely and your lifestyle doesn't mesh with that of most of the others at your school? I'm not religious but I don't drink except maybe a glass of wine if I'm a guest at a dinner. I came from a family with an abusive alcoholic father and I guess I somehow developed a deep aversion to binge drinking from an early age. There are plenty of college students who don't binge drink. If drinking is pervasive where you are, why not go somewhere else where it isn't? I know a lot of kids at BYU. I am not LDS but most of these kids are pretty normal, lead healthy lives, and not everyone there is Mormon. You will have friends.

Just going to be honest wrote:

Thank you for your post "Honest Answer". I appreciate it. I do also play basketball and swim. I will try to add things in addition to this.

You need to add something which is more socially orientated. Say a book club or hiking group where you have more chance to talk to people

I'm also guessing you are the sort of person who does not like or is not good at small talk. But you need to realise that mundane conversations are the way into getting to know someone on a deeper level. Kind of like an introduction

In a social situation when I was at school, I would always hide in the corner. Then I realised it was not getting me anwhere and decided to switch tactics. Say at a party I would head straight to the kitchen at the start. Look for the the first person not engaged in coversation and ask them how they know the party host how they got there, etc

It's actaully easier if you are proactive than sitting back. I was not more confident but I would act it and it worked. If you think of something funny say it don't hold it in out of shyness. If they don't laugh who cares!

Being good socially is something you can improve at just like training for running if you get the practice in

dj_run wrote:

There are lots of people like you and I out there.

You mean who can't speak English?

The OP might be a troll with the canned responses, but who gives a shit. There are plenty of people on this message board in need of advice to overcome their social deficiencies, and I love to give advice because it makes me feel important.

The way you are is going to affect how people react to you. Often it might seem like other folks are incredibly boring and stupid (which may be the truth sometimes), but if you appear miserable and grumpy and non-interesting than nobody is going to enjoy being around you, and as a result, you will continue being miserable, alone, and non-attractive to members of both sexes.

You must master the ability to engage in meaningless small talk when you first meet people so you can make each other comfortable and open them up to discuss more meaningful topics. I used to think everybody else was the problem. Learn how to show interest in other people and become less insular, and a whole new world of possibilities might open up. Finding non-alcoholic ways of meeting people might help. Once you are in a more comfortable element, meeting people becomes easier.

Actually, I planned on writing more, but you need to read a book and understand it's timeless brilliance before I ramble any further. Read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." I will repeat again: Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." However this book neglects a couple key tips: Be real and interesting. Those help.

Keep the advice flowing, troll or not. Every young man and woman needs to understand the importance of social skills and communication before they head out into the world. My lack thereof crippled me for countless years.

He's like a troll, but if not:

Your issue is very common among athletes entering college. In a few years, you're going to realize you weren't as mature as you thought. The people that had a broader perspective and lived a more balanced life actually had it more figured out than you were willing to give them credit for. Just because someone doesn't appear outwardly serious all the time doesn't mean they don't care about running or school or whatever.

PS, if you are worried about empty calories, then you are oblivious to what really matters. Until you put the nonsense behind you, you will struggle to reach your full potential in running.

By the way, I used to be this person. I thought I was so much more serious than everyone on my team. It wasn't until I let go that I started to really run well. I've seen so many young runners with this attitude, floundering and obsessing about the wrong things. Getting so worked up for the easy run the next day that by the time the championship race has come, you are too mentally burned out to perform. There's really nothing anyone can say to make you change your mind. You'll have to experience it for yourself over the next year or two.

I was the same way all through high school and the first few years of college. I just bored myself to death writing out the details so I'll spare you.

To your points regarding social skills and relationships. Have you talked to your coach or a counselor on campus? I assume your school has counselors available. Give that a shot. Talking to someone in person should help.