Saddest/Toughest Day of your life?

It's called "The saddest/toughest day of your life." Other peoples saddest days dont affect what my saddest day is.

Also to answer the question "What made her not want to ever talk to me again?" was. My friend goes out with her ex bestfriend. Secrets were being told and stuff. Really just high school crap that doesnt mean anything at all.

I probably gave you enough to figure it out if you read closely. We got married when we were 20, neither of us had any idea who we were so early in life, especially me.

One of you are probably gay - not unusual when you marry young and don 't know who you really are. You have certainly made the best of it.

Divorced Guy wrote:

I probably gave you enough to figure it out if you read closely. We got married when we were 20, neither of us had any idea who we were so early in life, especially me.

Gotcha. You said enough. I believe my situation was quite similar.

My guess would be that he is either gay or transgendered and has come out. Marriage generally does not survive that, despite love for one another.

Nevertheless, OP, sounds like just a shit day altogether. Especially upon finding the stack of photos.

To the guy who lost a son: I went to a close friend's funeral once. He died at age 19. I don't even ever want to experience THAT again. I can't even imagine being on your end. My sincerest hopes that you will never experience anything even remotely close to that again.

My GF, another guy, and I were all grad students in the same program. She and I had been together for five years, and we'd been living together for four. She'd known him for one academic year. She had a fling with him over Christmas, spent the spring term oscillating between us, then decided to move out of our apartment when the term was over. To "find herself." To jump his bones, clearly, but it wasn't phrased like that.

The day she actually moved out, I ran a half-marathon up in Westchester so I wouldn't have to be there when all the hustle and bustle was going on.

When I came home to that suddenly-empty apartment, it was very quiet. Almost haunted.

I don't know if that was the saddest/toughest day of my life. I was only 26; just a kid. Half the age I am now.

But that was the last race I ran for 19 years. It would be fair to say that I lost my heart for racing for a good long time.

Love ends. Relationships end. Eventually, even with the best relationships, somebody dies. If you're lucky, you both get very old, you love each other the whole time, and then somebody finally dies.

The pain comes, often, from the fact that we're short sighted: we unconsciously freeze everything at right NOW and then say, "Woe is me! This is horrible and it will always be bad like this!"

But that's not true, unless we choose to make it true. Things keep changing. If you allow them, they keep changing in ways that may include great happiness somewhere beyond the present horizon of great unhappiness.

That's what happened to me: a second 5 year relationship--it ended because we simply couldn't stand each other's guts--and then, somewhat later, the wonderful woman I'd been waiting for all those years. Now I've got a 5-year old son who tells me to shut up, daddy, you big pootie-head.

I guess that's happiness.

To the OP: don't let your wife's apparent position of superiority--she's got a guy and a sparkling new house; you're having money troubles--fool you. Things keep changing. Give them a chance to.

My GF from long ago? She lasted almost two decades with the guy she left me for. They had a kid. Great kid! Then he pulled all kinds of crap and eventually she left him. She's happily married now to HER dreamboat. And we're friends.

Things keep changing. Take the long view.

Divorced Guy wrote:

The reason for our divorce, and the nature of our relationship and my life since would be an amazing book,

.

Probably not

To all the posters who wished me well:

Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts. It is actions like yours that makes it somehow bearable. My wife and I have been blessed to have wonderful friends, neighbors, and family to help us through. I paused a few times before posting my story, but I did want to answer the OP question, and to let you all think of your family and close friends - appreciate all of them every day. To those of you with teenage kids, please educate yourself and your kids about the dangers of "the choking game". There are a number of good educational web sites on this terrible activity, which is how I lost my son.

Dad died of a heart attack when he was 43, I was 17. It was tough.

Probably today because I clicked on this thread.

Did you read the subject line? Were you expecting Mr Happy Sunshine?

Its people like you OP that keep me motivated, lifting, running, and staying as alpha as possible.

I've been divorced after a marriage of over 20 years, and every single second of that 2 year ordeal was awful, awful, awful. But if you summed it all up, it wasn't as bad as the day my Dad passed away. I knew he was going to die for quite a while, but the day he died it might as well have been from a sudden heart attack. Still hurts today, and it's been over a decade. I miss him.

That being said, losing a child has to be the worst. Has to be. Divorce is bad and leaves a trail of devastation far and wide, but all parties get a chance to start anew and make a new happy life.

when I found out my dad sexually modested/abused my sisters and other close friends of theirs....yet no one believe it when it came out!...I guest it doesn't anyway, he died of Cancer shorty there after!...He ended up the Hero to so many.....I am confused to this day!

Hats off to the OP. What you are going through is very rough regardless of what any "tough" guys may say. I wish you only the best.

For me, toughest day of my life? That's a tough one (no pun intended).

I have four children. When the first one was born it was the happiest day of my life. Until she smiled up at me while I was holding her and started turning blue. She stopped breathing after only a few hours of life. She just stopped for no apparent reason. We rushed her over to the ICU where she was put on a respirator. After LOTS of tests we found out that she had massive bleeding in her brain and that a substantial part of her brain was just missing. Among other things we were told that she would never be able to learn to walk or talk.

That was pretty rough. She survived, though. Her name is Samantha.

After that things were not so bad for awhile until one day I came home and found my wife sitting on a table and staring at the back of her hand. For hours. What was going on? She couldn't say, she could only stare at herself. Turns out that she was suffering from bi-polar disorder. The next several years she got worse and better, worse and better. Sometimes I think that it would have been easier to deal with if she was just crazy all of the time. But sometimes she was her normal, beautiful self. And then the next day she was gone in some imaginary hell hole.

She tried to kill the children. It would have been like all those stories that you read about with a mother murdering her kids. But I intervened. None of the kids were hurt. Only one knew that something had happened. I had to have my wife committed, the most beautiful woman I have ever known and the only reason that I ever thought that made life worth living. She clung to me, begged me not to put her in the hospital. They had to physically wrench her arms from around my neck.

That was a pretty rough day.

She spent the next several years in and out of psychiatric units. When she was good she was great. When she was not she was very dangerous. One day she finally "succeeded" in killing herself (after many failed attempts).

That was a pretty rough day too.

A rougher day was three days later when I finally got up the courage to tell my children that their mother had died. Their crying will haunt me for the rest of my life - it was nearly perfectly silent. There was absolutely nothing I could do to comfort them. It tore my heart into a million pieces.

That was pretty tough.

I suppose I could tell you more but what's the point.

I will tell you this though. Samantha just went off to college on a full academic scholarship. She was all-county in soccer and her SAT's were over 2300. The doctor who delivered her and helped us through the first two weeks in the ICU saw her grow up. Every step of the way he said it was not possible.

I don't know what the lesson in any of that is. I only know that it is all true.

I was 11 when my mother figured out my dad was having an affair. The things she said at that dinner table that night I'll never forget. I remember her sobbing and screaming and then looking at my sister and seeing that the little 8 year old girl comprehended everything she was saying.

Unfortunate Truth,

after reading your post, I've gained some perspective. After all, I still have the most beautiful person I've ever met as part of my life and the two incredible children that she blessed me with as well.

Your story is gut wrenching and powerful. You must be an incredibly strong man.

I'm not proud of the way I handled every facet of my situation, but she forgave me and told me "If I can forgive you, you have no right not to forgive yourself." That is the woman I married, the one I love, the one I miss.

I don't care to be an alpha male in the purest sense of the term. I feel blessed that I possess the most intense versions of each human emotion, those emotions help me to take full advantage of what my life has to offer.

Samantha must be absolutely remarkable! I'm sure the stable, beautiful version of your wife is looking down with a tremendous amount of pride at what you have been able to accomplish as a father.

Thank you for your story.

The day the music died.

I don't know how many of you are Christian/religious, but here are a couple verses that really help me when I am feeling pain/loss. Even if you are not maybe you can find something in these words.

"You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness to light." -- Psalm 18:28

"Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?" -- 1 Corinthians 15:55