so my "buddy" (who wears vibrams) and i just did a easy run, and he decided to SPRINT the last 50 feet of the run. i almost kicked him in the face. there should be a rule against that. an easy run! and he "out kicked" me?!?! (he's not a real runner btw)
* Never, ever, ever reveal your real secret identity on LetsRun.
* Never post your PRs on LetsRun, or you'll get skewered like those slow guys Hall and Rupp.
If a runner shows up at your front door and needs to come in and take a sh*t, let 'em in!
Unspoken rules wrote:
The Runner’s Code
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ARTICLE III
An absolute truth: ALL FAT PEOPLE ARE GROSS.
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ARTICLE XV
A runner must respect swimmers and bikers, for they are also children of endurance sports.
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Know they place on the starting line.
This was very amusing but I'm sorry, under no circumstances, are cyclists entitled to respect. Some are fat. In this case I think you should refer to article III.
You are of course right, Il fix that. If you spot any other inconsistences then just holler.
I like the list. In particular the article about exaggerating PR's to non-runners. Though to be honest it isn't necessary because 99.9% of non-runners will be amazed at any 5K time under 20 minutes or won't care about anything other than whether you have run a marathon.
My humble contributions:
1. Race with sincerity. Anything less insults your opponents.
2. Blow snot rockets away from your fellow runners.
3. Don't brag about your mileage. Race performances are all that matter.
4. If you get "girled" in a race, she better be a professional.
5. Always bring TP on the morning run.
6. No half stepping on easy days.
Unspoken rules wrote:
ARTICLE XI
When a runner is about to pass gas, the runner must move to the back of the pack.
ARTICLE XXXVI
In the presence of other people , a runner may exaggerate their PRs by no more then 5 seconds.
I disagree with these two. In my opinion when a runner is about to pass gas, they should attempt to catch the fart in their hand and release it in the face of someone else in the pack.
And never lie about your pr's. The closest you can come is to truncate the decimal, offer an equivalent performance (ie, 1500 to mile conversion), or give a relay split. The margin of error on all of those is less than 1 second, not a big deal. It's much more of a pain for the rest of your life to explain why your true mile pr is slow because they don't offer it outdoors when you're peaking and the 1500 to mile conversion is 1.08 blah blah.
"as you run by"....duh.
Really attractive runners don't need those sports bras so take them off.
Runners should never worry about what other runners are wearing.
You are all total gay birds. WTF is wrong with you?
No wonder our sport is the gay sport.
88as wrote:
Never brag about going sub-3 in a marathon.
2:03:59 is sub 3. Just sayin'.
Really doesn't seem to matter whether our football team is winning or losing - they've had good seasons the last couple years, but according to some of the older guys in CC/track, this has been going on for years, even when the FB team was losing. So, I guess we just have a bunch of insecure football players....seems to be part of their "culture" to make fun of the runners.
Obviously, there are a lot of inside jokes there, but I like what you're onto here.
May I suggest a slight alteration to the organization of these rules?
ARTICLE I - Training rules. These would be rules that apply to training circumstances, such as move to the back to fart, move to the side to spit or blow snot rockets, no heel clipping, no half-stepping, no "kicking" at the end of easy runs just to be a douchebag, must wear short shorts, must cross streams on adventure runs, etc etc.
ARTICLE II - Racing Rules. These would include rules such as stay the f--- off my heels, have a stride lead before you cut in to lane 1, don't puke on the track, if you and a friend/team mate are leading a race then take turns sharing the lead (if a hated rival, then sit on him and kick like a jerk), etc, etc.
Organizing it like this gives it a structure much like the US Constitution, which is
Article I, Section 1,
-----------Section 2(1),
-------------------2(2),
-------------------2(3)
and so on
Actually, since I don't have shit to do today, I'm working on this for you. I'll be back in a bit.
OK, here you go kid. I put the rules into Articles and Sections, grouping those together that belong together, imho. I used your rules with a couple small edits, and added one rule of my own, although I had no idea where to place the Scoo Scoo rule. I'll leave that up to you and your cohorts. I also included a Preamble that I think you will enjoy:
PREAMBLE
We the runners of Allendale Cross Country and Track, under the guidance of the Universal Truth that All Fat People Are Gross; in order to form a more perfect team, establish camaraderie, insure endurance development, provide for a kick ass team, promote generally good times, and secure District, Regional, and State titles, do ordain and establish this Constitution for Runners.
ARTICLE I. General Knowledge of Running.
Section 1. A runner must read at least one book about running.
Section 2. (1) A runner must know more than one running world record.
(2) A runner must know and understand how fast times really are for different distances.
(3) A runner must know how far kilometers are and be able to explain how far a 10K or 5K is.
Section 3. (1)A runner will respect other runners, unless said runners are in fact joggers , or just very slow.
(2) A runner can mock runners who don’t wear spikes during races.
(3)any runner has completed a marathon without walking they deserve respect no questions asked.
(4) A runner must respect FIT swimmers and bikers, for they are also children of endurance sports.
(5) A runner reserves the right to mock sprinters, unless they openly admit that distance running is harder then sprinting. Example: Bryce Brown.
Section 4. A runner must know the difference between different types of shoes.
Section 5. (1)A true runner must know of and have a favorite professional runner.
(2) A runner must know who Steve Prefontane is.
Section 6. (1)A runner must take offense to “run forest run”.
(2)If yelled at during a run, the common method of retaliation is the middle finger.
Section 7. In the presence of other people, a runner may exaggerate their PRs by no more then 5 seconds.
ARTICLE II. Training Rules.
Section 1. (1) A runner must own and wear short shorts.
(2) A runner will try and get the smallest pair of short shorts and singlet available. (SEE ALSO: Corollary in Article IV).
(3) If the temperature is above freezing then a runner will wear short shorts. If the temperature is above 40 degrees, then a runner will wear a t-shirt or no shirt.
Section 2. (1) When a runner is about to pass gas, the runner must move to the back of the pack.
(2) If a runner must go number 2 during a run, the runner must go very far off the trail before going.
(3) Under no circumstances can a runner half step another runner on an easy day.
(4) Under no circumstances can a runner “kick” at the end of an easy run. If he does he will be labeled a douchebag by all others in the group.
Section 3. Stay out of lane one if you’re slower then dirt.
Section 4. (1)A runner must make time for adventure runs during the base phase of running (winter/summer).
(2) During an adventure run, if a runner comes across a river, then said runner must cross it.
EXCEPTION: unless said river is giant.
(3)During the winter adventure runs, frozen rivers and lakes are not off limits for crossing.
(4) In the running group, one runner must be nominated for “river tester/jumper”, or the person who goes first.
Section 5. A runner reserves the right to complain about all the miles they have run, even if they secretly love it.
ARTICLE III. Team Structure and Governance.
Section 1. (1) The order of the running chain of command is determined by the following: race times and team seniority.
(2) Race times hold sway over seniority.
(3) Seniority of more than two (2) years holds sway over race times.
(4) Captain status is valued above race times and seniority. (Article amendments act of 2011.)
Section 2. (1) In the running group, there must be at least one, but no more than one, nick-named Caboose.
(2)When said caboose graduates then another Caboose must be selected from among the Freshman.
Section 3. A runner must, at cross camp, give freshman crap. (but nothing that could end up like West Catholic).
Section 4. If you don’t think this Code is Law then Nick, Thomas, Grant, and Brandon have the right to mock you mercilessly until the wrong has been righted to the satisfaction of said runners.
ARTICLE IV. Racing Rules.
Section 1. A runner must understand that running is actually a TEAM sport, don’t believe what everybody tells you.
Section 2. Know they place on the starting line.
Section 3. (1) During Cross country races, a runner will be quiet and respectful to their opponents until they get into the woods.
(2) But, if you really don’t like the other runners, then just wait until the gun goes off.
Section 4. The food after meets is to be eaten by only runners who ran a race. No exceptions.
Section 5. If a runner qualifies for the state meets, that said runner will do something crazy to their hair to celebrate.
SUB XXXV: Girls are exempt.
Section 6. A runner may only make excuses for bad races for the following reasons:
(1) The runner was sick,
(2) The runner has run more than one hard race in a single meet.
(3) The runner had no sleep. This rule is only to be called on for no sleep pertaining to medical disorders, illness, kick ass parties, or achieving coitus. “Nerves” don’t count.
(4) The runner is still in heavy base phase training.
(5) The runner has a family issue.
Section 7. A runner will try and get the smallest pair of short shorts and singlet available. (SEE ALSO: Corollary in Article I).
One of your rules is you reserve the right to mock sprinters?? Just get over yourself.
A runner shall arrive on time for a group run - or within ten minutes thereof. After 10 minutes, the group is no longer obligated to wait for expect-ees.
Mos Def wrote:
One of your rules is you reserve the right to mock sprinters?? Just get over yourself.
These are not MY rules. These are the rules of the kid who posted this thread, and his team mates. I simply organized it into a coherent Constitution.
They shall not race the workout.