My bf away in college sounds so different just after a week

Show up unannounced at his crib. If he is pants around the ankles, then you know it is ovah.

First of all I am sorry you have to go through this. It hurts and I feel your pain. I just got done talking to a lady about relationships and I was telling her how guys in america are by no means anywhere as faithful as ethiopians just no where close as in running too. That is not to say there aren't faithful ones and no am not a racist but that is the overall truth I hate to say. She was telling me how she has a child but divorced. I was telling her in Ethiopia it is such a shame and embarrasment to divorce that everything is done to save a relationship before it gets to that level. That is not to say we don't have people who divorce but trust me on this one the rate is pretty pretty pretty pretty low. I felt sorry for her so young. My friend at least you don't have a kid. Your boyfriend is wrong 10000%. If your gf or wife calls you pick it up and let her hear your voice and tell her you will call back if you are bussy and do it not just say it. Your bf is obviously experiencing a high level of temptation by girls at his school if not cheating yet to be safe and not assume. He is struggling and fighting himslef and can't decide. Why do guys in med school dump their beautiful gf inside and outside look for an average girl just because she is in med school or in some sort of the same program? It is their right if they are single but if they are not they shouldn't start anything with someone to begin with. Guys get to know someone really well before you get involved deeply and really think or ask yourself could I live with this person forever. Be strong and the next time you talk to him ask him directly why he was not answering your calls for two days? There is no reason why he shouldn't call you it doesn't matter if he was bussy or anything there is no excuse for at least giving you five minutes and even letting you know he is ok or asking you if you are okay and everything is ok. Be hard, hear his excuse. Pressure him to get the truth out. He could at least call and say "good night I love you." He is going to say why are you asking all these questions whats wrong with you? Do you not trust me. Put it like this directly: Why did you not call me in two days? I called because I was worried about you and wanted to make sure you were okay and I missed you, but you couldn't even give me two minutes, don't you love me and miss me? forget this BS about telling him you went out with other guys to make him juelous. Just be direct and honost and ask him what he is up to? If he is not interested and wants to break up eventually he is going to say it. But at least you don't waste time with him. Ok guys all of you who reading this listen. A WOMAN IS A JEWEL, GIFT, AND PRECIOUS. If you don't plan to go towards marriage and you know 100% don't waste her time and use her especially if she is looking for a serious relationship unless she is like you who just wants a playmate. If you had a diamond with the highest quality and it cost 1/2 million dollars what would you do? (Safe Deposit)PROTECT YOUR WOMAN, LADY AND KEEP HER SAFE. she is more important and no material can be compared to your gf or wife. You are not renting her. Give all your energy and mind to your gf, vice versa. Protect your gf or wife the way you would protect an egg from falling and breaking. Most woman with of course some exceptions, when they love they love all out and give you their whole heart. So men remember they get hurt during breakups. Be real men and be serious. To make a long story short the lady I was talking to finalized her statement saying" I divorced my husband because I caught him cheating on me while I was pregnant and I was so mad and that probably triggered my labor" Sad story. So "feeling down" just know one thing, if he decides to leave, it just means GOD has someone better for you than him. Even if he was the one and decides to break it and leave, He will regret it and God will provide somebody ten times better than him. But I hope things will turn around and he will come back to his heart and wake up and not make a stupid mistake. But I am so sorry I know how it feels I don't blame you for feeling like that. For those of you who are going to say bad things to me about faithfullness, Trust me I am sure there are american guys more trustworthy than some ethiopians but with confidence I tell you that overall in the big picture by far the divorce rate in this country and even the amount of cheating that goes on even when they are not divorced unbelievable. I once ran into a businessman who was on his way to strip club and then a whore house for those who don't know what a whore house is, You go to one they bring out 15 girls for you you choose the one you like and you go to the back and do pretty much anything you want and you pay 200-300 dollars. Most who go there are businessmen, lawyers, consultants, judges, IT guys anyways long list of different professions who have the money to spend. I asked the guy why whore house when he has a wife and kids because you have sex there but not in most clubs unless the woman is breaking the law and she is agressive. His reply with very simple " Oh you know i am a bussinessman I travel so much I work so hard and deserve a break every once in a while you know better." Yeah I know better, in my heart I sympathized for his wife. But then again I wondered if his wife can kind of guess and she doesn't care? But she just doesn't have a clue I felt sorry. Anyways the guy was suprized that I had the courage to confront him and ask him that question. Some of you think I am crazy, that's okay. IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO TRUST YOU, YOU NEED TO TRUST THEM AS WELL. Good night.

Ethio-Man, that's so nice of you to take the time to write such a heartfelt response!!!

It's 4am and I couldn't sleep, but now I will get to bed feeling better thanks to your kindness.

-Marie

3/10...would have been 1/10, but you seemed to fool a few people.

Feeling down: He has in fact dumped you. I know it hurts but accept it. You could ask his parents to pay back all the money you spent supporting him. Let them know they raised a jerk for a son. Start dating again, this is over.

go to the video store and rent "fatal attraction" - watch it over and over and over - till you get into that "zen-like" zone that some refer to as berserker, then go pay him a visit.

It sounds like most of your post is about him not really being available. Grad school is really busy and there is lots to sort out at in the first few weeks. I only really know about economics (have a look at The Making of an Economist by David Colander for info) but it seems that a lot of grad students work most of time and are very stressed and anxious. I imagine this would be similar in natural sciences (spend a lot of time in the lab, don't see natural light during the winter...) and a ton of reading in history, sociology etc. In economics, and probably other programs, a lot of studying is done in groups, so it is important to make friends and see who you get on well with.

So it should be pretty obvious that your boyfriend is busy studying and making friends with his study partners. There was something about a senior girl, but it seems she was more interested in him. Also it was ambiguous whether it was them out in a group or whatever.

So you should talk to him but I think there is little to worry about. He could be stressed but doing well in grad school (you can try to make him less stress, not take it out or you or just put up with - in the long run he graduates and you live happily ever after). He could be stressed because he is failing and will soon drop out.

realize that grad schools usually involove a lot of work especially in the beginning but then taper off or the student gets better at handling work after a week or more.

DONT CALL HIM. LET HIM GET HIS STUFF IN ORDER. WAIT FOR HIM TO CALL YOU.

looks like he found the senior, captain, and #1 runner for the girls team

Balmer wrote:

3/10...would have been 1/10, but you seemed to fool a few people.

I hate to agree with the troll meter, but I do. I've been to graduate school, and no one lived in dorms. It probably happens somewhere, but is very unusual. The real kicker was that he met a senior. What the hell is a senior in grad school? There's no such thing. I'm guessing the OP is really a high school boy whose imaginary girlfriend went away to undergrad and is having fun. He tried to throw some more "mature" sounding things but botched it.

"looks like he found the senior, captain, and #1 runner for the girls team"

im embarrassed for myself for picking up on this but nicely done

This is clearly an obvious spin off from the "help me negotiate rent with my bf" thread.

I would advise that you be the one to break things off with him in a non-dramatic way and allow him to discover what he wants. Allow him to grow and change. If you do not give him this freedom, he will think that you are holding him back.

Tell him you love him and will be available for support. If he wants you, he will come back to you. But then you'll probably find someone who treats you better and it will be his loss. Be strong. Don't allow your emotions to get the best of you.

you need to make a Powerpoint presentation and break up with your boyfriend asap before he makes one for you.

Yes, I agree. This situation is clearly a race to the powerpoints.

gorney wrote:

you need to make a Powerpoint presentation and break up with your boyfriend asap before he makes one for you.

What kind of graduate school is he attending? Some places, program and school specific, vary considerably in the work load, but I can tell you that my brother just started dental school and he is swamped with daily quizzes/tests; basically equating to nightly studying, not alot of time to talk, and only being able to go out and be social on the weekends!

Seriously, don't pressure the guy. Give him his space but let him know that you are there for him and you support him. Be positive on the phone. If the guy is down because he misses you, he is going to be even more down if you are not positive. Remember, he is in a new place and the drastic increase in his workload is probably making him a little depressed. You just have to stay positive when you talk to him, no matter how difficult it may be in the moment.

Hey Chris,

Yes, my boyfriend lives in a dorm. It's his first year in a 3-year graduate program (science, don't want to give all the details, sorry) and his dorm is mostly for graduate students. It's brand new, on campus, and (relatively) not too expensive compared to the area.

I said "senior" and in my mind that's how we call older students, but he met someone who is in 2nd year. For group projects and some assignments he told me that he will be paired with other students, and sometimes 2nd years (he is somehow between the level of 1st and 2nd year because of his experience).

I didn't go to graduate school myself and I appreciate having people's perspective about the work load, pressure and commitment. I will give him more time and space from now on.

You guys have been very helpful. Thanks for the jokes, too.

I liked the "senior, captain, #1 of the team" bit :-)

I dont care about how bussy he is. Quit fooling urselves .thats not a good justification for his action. So challenge ur bf before he starts doing things behind ur back thinking he has u as a back up and he will get comfy and think he can get away with it every time. Make him decide early. He knows in his heart what he wants and maybe he is wondering am going to hurt her. Tell him i will be okay if u leave me but as adults i need u to make a serious decision. Put him to the test and if he really loves u he will do the right thing. At the end of the day we are trying to clarify whether he has a long term plan with u or not. So dont waste time.

agree 3/10