Homer Simpson's All-Time Best Lines

Terminator X wrote:

txRUNNERgirl wrote:

"No beer and no TV make Homer go something something."

"Go crazy?"

"Don't mind if I do!"

Marge: C'mon, Homer, Japan will be fun. You like Rashoman.

Homer: That's not how I remember it.

and

Homer: Mmm, sacrilicious.

Lisa: It's better to remain silent and let everyone think you're a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Homer's brain: What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're an idiot!

Homer: Takes one to know one!

Homer's brain: Swoosh!

Shut-up brain, before I stab you with a Q-tip.

Homer: Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs

This one was mentioned, but needed correction:

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.

truest advice wrote:

"When a woman says nothing is wrong, it means EVERYTHING is wrong.

And when a woman says everything is wrong, it means EVERYTHING is wrong."

And when a woman says something isn't funny you'd better not laugh your ass off!

I can't beleive you forgot that part jackass. It's the best part of the line.

Homer (pretending to be Mr. Burns): "Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me"

Postal Worker: "Ok, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?"

*pause*

Homer (still pretending to be Mr. Burns): "I don't know"

Mmmm... free goo.

“It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.”

Homer at the breakfast table ....

Homer: Well, time to go to work.

Homer's brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.

Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.

Homer's brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing.

[camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything]

Well, off to the plant.

Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.

Homer's brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?

Homer: [panicky] I've got to think of a lie fast!

Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?

Homer: Aah!

[Runs off]

The only things Im going to use this hotel bed for are to eat, sleep, and maybe make a little fort.

"The Alien has a sweet Heavenly Voice … Like Urkle, And he appears every Friday night … Like Urkle."

"Marge has only been gone one day and I'm already filthy as a Frenchman"

"Nothing hard is worth doing, son"

"With the internet and TV, kids practically raise themselves, these days.

Homer: Let's go watch TV, son.

Bart: What's on?

Homer: It doesn't matter.

He didn't give you gay, did he? Did he!?!?

or

..but I don't even believe in Jeebuz.

"Remember boy, the first step to failure is trying. "

"Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals... except for the weasels".

Ralph Wiggam when all the kids are stranded on an island and they find berries and tell Ralph to try them:

"They taste like burning!"

Willy: "If you're not Scottish.. you're CRAP!"

Homer: Oohh, half my paycheck goes to Bart, half to my Vegas wife. What's left for Moe?

Marge: Homer; have you been drinking?

Homer: PPFFFFFF No!........well ten beers.

in nyc after eating kokalosh from a vender:

homer-what do you have to wash the disgusting taste out of my mouth?

vender-mountain dew and crab juice.

homer-eewwww..ill take a crab juice

homer attempting to bust marge out of the AA clinic:

Homer: Hello, im here to deliver a package to Marge Simpson.

Receptionist: Where's the package?

Homer: (looks around quickly)...DAMNIT!

(Running from the cops, while trying to beat the train across the tracks.)

Marge: Homer your gonna kill us all!

Homer: Or Die Trying!!!