I’m going to tell you exactly what to do to become not only the fastest, but happiest runner you are capable of becoming.
1) Take your smartwatch and any heart rate measuring devices off and place them on a firm surface.
2) Find the biggest hammer you can and use it to smash the crap out of all of your useless little “devices”.
3) You can imagine these useless devices as literal chains that are enslaving and controlling you.
4) Now, get dressed to run, and go out on the first free run of your entire life. You can stop, you can chat with a neighbor, pet the dog, grab an apple from a tree, stop and eat it, go as fast, as slow, and as long as your body NATURALLY tells you to go.
5) You learn to listen to your body and what it needs.
6) You no longer worry about posting to Strava or comparing yourself to other runners. For the first time in your life, you don’t have to bow to peer pressure.
7) You no longer NEED to ask advice about anything running-related as your body will answer all your questions.
8) When you feel good, run as long and fast as you want.
9) When you are tired. Stop. You are also free of setting mileage goals or tracking and analyzing every step you take.
10) Use an actual calendar on the wall to track your runs. Entry’s like “Felt great, ran for about an hour…or so”. Or “Tired, went to the beach, took a few days off until I felt good again”.
Since this is April Fool’s day, I thought I would make a “fantasy” post. But, after writing it, it hit me…. hum…..it isn’t such a bad idea. But, you know, the reality is, most of us could never actually do this....which is kinda sad, actually.