Quit HS Coaching

Great advice Stan. The one additional piece of advice I would add is the following. Now that you have solicited the advice from internet strangers, I would remove the post. It’s no longer needed.

It’s done. Thank you everyone for the advice. It had been increasingly painful to balance home, work and coaching for a couple years and I now realize it’s a blessing that I don’t feel obligated to keep doing it but instead have the freedom to walk away with the program intact

Quit. it's not worth it. If you want to stay involved, just move to a very low key assistant role and make a few practices a year or something.

Better idea: wait until your kids are old enough to participate in youth XC or track and coach them and their friends. It's a lot of fun and your time involved in the sport is still time involved with family.

if you're financially stable without the coaching and concerned about your family life the rest is noise. you had a good run and accomplished things. if your family is fine then your heart is telling you, you want to leave the nest and be a head coach someplace. you'd hoped it was your alma mater but it's not always how things work. if you leave on good terms you can always watch if the job comes back open.

What if the previous head coach was being considerate by naming you co-head coach, so that the commitment wouldn't be as much of a burden on you?

Would you be able to take your children to practice and meets?

I coach and my kids come to every practice and meet. It is awesome. They love it. The team is like older siblings to them.

I was in a similar situation (though coaching in college) and saw how unfair it was to expect my spouse and others to carry that load. So I stepped away from coaching for 20 years and returned after the kids were grown and gone.

Best of luck to you, your team, and your family, whatever choice you make.

I've known other coaches who were able to do this. But in some situations this is entirely impractical. Different things work for different people/teams/families.

everybody needs to follow their heart on this, but there are a lot of people painting a picture that it is impossible to make this work when you have a family. it's hard, but it's not impossible. I have spent a lot of time with cross country and track coaches over the years, and the great majority are married with kids, and they make it work. they most certainly don't have a lower marriage success rate than those outside of coaching. at least not in the part of the world where i work.

I also know a small handful of people who have stepped away from coaching because of the family thing.

you just have to follow your heart. and if it's not your own heart you are listening to, there is a very good chance you will be filled with resentment, in one direction or another. The truth is that what one person can make work, is a path to misery for another.

but just get out of here with the blanket statements of "if you are working a job, coaching, and being a parent at the same time, you are being selfish"

that is crap.

This goes beyond coaching. Always choose the path that involves self-denial or sacrifice (in the service of a greater good, particularly loved ones).

Unless your runners can do 12:35 I would quit and redirect programme funding to the homeless.

Great decision, HS XC Coach. You'll never regret it. When your kids are grown, get back into coaching, it will be waiting for you. In the meantime, you'll have great memories of time spent with your family. You won't have to miss their afternoon and weekend activities for XC. You made the right choice imho (been there and done that, very happy with the choice I made, you will be too, I'll bet).

Tough call. It sounds like you have experience in another field, so you kind of understand the cultural landscape of the professional class who teach or coach in American high schools.

A lot of really big hearts and a lot of really, really low IQs. (This combination never ceases to amaze me.) This part will not change, but if you can reach some compromise with yourself where you feel like you are adequately devoting yourself to your team and your kid, then stay where you are.

Was in a similar situation. From reading your post I think you have already made your decision and it's the best one for you and your family. You can always return to coaching at a later date. All the best to you in the future and Happy Holidays!

"I got my feelings hurt because I didn't get the job title I wanted."

When I was younger I always wanted to spend more time teaching. Now I wish I had spent more time with my kids. They all turned out fine, but I should have spent more time with them. I regret being guilted into giving more to my job than the institution deserved.

I will say that hundreds of my students have succeeded beyond my wildest dreams, and things turned out better professionally than I had hoped for, but if I could go back I would put less into everyone else's kids, and more into my own.

You just answered your own question.

Hahahahahaha! You grown man babies need to get some balls and get a real job. Walking around in running shorts and a whistle is not a job. Lift some weights and learn how to dress. You old goofs with baggy Men’s Warehouse suits are just goofy, get some nicer clothes and get a man’s job you pu$$ies. Hahaha

I didn't feel I could coach when my kids were young. I picked it up when my youngest was 10. I know a couple of guys that have great relationships with their adult children, and they coached when their kids were young. So, I guess it's a personal choice based on what you can handle.
I understand the co-coaching thing being a struggle especially if you have different coaching philosophies. In most cases I don't think that setup is in the best interest of the athletes.
At present I sometimes struggle with the choice to coach each year for a whole host of reasons that are not worth getting into. I will hang it up when I am not committed enough to give it 100%.
Some will say it doesn't matter if you leave. I agree that within a month or two my team would basically forget about me. That's just how kids are.
However, the athletes that have gone through your program and have moved on will care. They have shared experiences with you. Nothing will change those memories whether you stay or leave. You can feel good about that.