Divorced men, what were some of the warning signs?

Watching Dave Ramsey videos and acting like his advice comes from some kind of genius and isn’t common sense I’d been using since my first job in high school.

1). a new group of “friends”. Going out with these “friends”. The spouse is excluded.
2) surgeries. Fake breasts etc.

3) financial moves. Such as, removing the kids from the expensive private school a cheaper option.
4) other odd changes such as got rid of the family dog.

I know these things first hand, because they happened to me.

Some trolling here. But whatever. I'll answer.

What are the warning signs? This is kind a vague question. Is it from the woman or the relationship in general?

What I will say that is a relationship is most likely doomed and never really valid if the woman is just looking to be supported or have kids and has no real intention of giving anything meaningful back into the relationship. I live in an affluent area, and I'm not affluent, but I see a lot of transactional relationships here because the men are wealthy and the women are pretty. Men who would never pull the women they have if not for their earnings and generational wealth, and women who are basically vapid, empty people who happen to have top-tier looks who are able to latch on to the rich man.

Some people are fine with this arrangement. I don't understand how.

I always have always felt the best relationships and marriages are built between two people who have a certain level of self sufficiency and are on equal footing in terms of class, looks and status and were raised in families that were built upon a strong marriage. So if your mom and dad had a fairly toxic marriage, you most likely model your own marriage after the one you observed growing up.

If two people are both terrible problem solvers and selfish, that's also a disaster.

I would also state that I think it's wise to wait awhile to get married, or at least date the person for an extended amount of time. I personally dated my now wife for 3 years before we got married and anything less than 2 years felt a little premature to me. With that amount of time, you can really get an idea of what that person is all about and at least get an idea of where they are headed in life.

One of the smartest things I've observed was watching a friend pull the plug on his marriage before kids were born. He told me he just had feeling that it wasn't going to work out because they were just on different paths. (Personally, I felt the woman was a total wench, but that's just me). His wife felt having kids would bring them closer together when the reality was it was just a ploy for her to live out her mommy dreams and attention-seek. He avoided a life of trauma for himself and his future offspring. It's no wonder she got married almost instantly after their divorce and had kids immediately.

she said "it's me or jakob" and i chose to keep the jakob ingebrigtsen shrine i put in place of her makeup cabinet

Sloppy seconds is usually a solid indicator.

The #1 indicator that a couple will break up is contempt. If either party is showing disdain for the other, it's likely that the relationship will be unhappy and short-lived.

Anecdotally, I've heard multiple women say that they knew they were ready for a divorce when they felt that life would be easier without a husband than with one. These were women who were employed, but who still did the lion's share of managing the family schedule, shopping for and preparing meals, and tending to the emotional needs of the kids. These women were tired of having to do the extra cooking/shopping/tidying that having an extra adult in the house created when they felt like their husband didn't acknowledge how much they were doing and/or was unwilling to help out. They felt like they were already doing enough on their own within the family that it would be easier to just cut out the husband and actually be the sole adult in charge of their household.

I know many on this board like to cast women as leeches on men's money and time, but I'm being honest about what I've seen and heard from other families. Women initiate the majority of divorces, and this is often a big part of their reason for it.

If you have to ask the question you wouldn't get the answer

I would agree with this. Some guys are really dead weight. I personally know a guy who came from a very rich family and his dad everything for him. The result was a lazy, entitled, a*#hole who couldn't keep job and had zero work ethic other than trying to improve his golf score. His divorce was not surprise and his ex-wife was a hard worker.

There is also the father who is just a workaholic - now more common than ever - and never makes times for his wife and kids. I'm sure the family enjoys the income, but see what I wrote above about the end result of that. You may end up a rich man whose kids have no sense of work ethic or how to behave because you weren't around to help or teach them anything.

No wedding ring, rumpled suit, bags under eyes are all warning signs of a divorced man. I usually look for married men, as they don't want to spend the night, and if they turn out to be jerks, are better for blackmail. Divorced men have already been fleeced.

I "accidentally" came across her what's app and she had been flirting with some guy she met on instagram.

I was open to an open marriage but she said no.

True story. A friend was informed by a girl friend of his buddy that the wife was bringing a big black guy home during lunch breaks. The girl friend also works in the same complex the wife has her office. It turned out this is the same guy whom she brought over to join my friend's softball team. He turned out he cannot play ball for the life of him but banged the hell out of mt friend's ugly fat wife.

Swiping at dinner table. Yes. Another huge sign.

maybe not swiping but constant phone usage is a red flag.

I mean things like changing name on social media profile from "{first} {last}" to "{first} {middle}" in the months leading up to the separation.

Jamin,

we know you don't date, so you must be worried about your mom and dad. Divorce is always tough on the kids but I bad relationship could be worse.

Good luck Jamin.

When she screams "I don't love you and I want a divorce!" while climaxing.

Holy god that's sad.

Women usually initiate the divorce. They tend to do it when they have internal and external assurances that they would be better off without the guy.

After my ex-wife blind sided me with a divorce, which she had been secretly planning for years, I needed therapy and help understanding what signs i missed. Here's what i got:

1. Sex quality and/or quantity drops dramatically.

2. Partner openly dismisses, demeans, and/or disdains the other's accomplishments and self worth. This starts when your partner makes contemptuous facial gestures like rolling their eyes and making scoffing noises when you're talking.

3. Partner sets up a seperate bank account.

4. Partner follows through on a self improvement plan. Loses weight, improves hygiene standards, starts a new people oriented career like real estate, and starts spending late nights out with friends from work.

5. Partner asks to start couple's therapy.

6. Partner starts asking you to better explain your finances, investments, and retirement accounts to her.

7. Partner asks for a brief period apart. To figure things out. Many states require a period of separation before a divorce can be granted. If she asks for this, plus any one of the above red flags have popped, then she already has a lawyer and a plan to wreck you. Now its time to go full on damage control mode.

Most men have an ego that makes them blind to these obvious signs. I did.

Here is what you do after you realize your wife is Benedict Arnold.

1. DON'T MOVE OUT! That is a forfeit of custody rights of kids and pets! It's better to get a second job, stay out of the house until late at night, and sleep on the couch over losing custody of your kids and pets.

2. Hire a lawyer, forensic accountant, and private investigator. Lawyers format, prepare, and track the court paperwork. They are not your therapists or friends. Forensic accountants will find all your wife's money schemes and help you pass your money to your kids or parents, rather than to your ex. PI, easy, find out if she has a lover.

3. Realize divorce rulings are a matter of numbers and facts. The lawyers will want you to play a game of emotional warfare but don't get sucked in to that. The judge will look at money, criminal records, infidelity evidence/admissions, and timelines.

4. Join AA, SLAA, or any relevant support group where people help each other out free of charge. Divorce will wipe a man out so you're gonna need stuff like this to survive and maybe even thrive after the dust settles. Plus, addictions can get worse and even destroy your future if they become a self treatment for the pain of losing your partner.

Until the divorce process is over, don't apologize or admit anything. She will not reciprocate.

Stay strong. Lean on support groups. Hold the emotions all day, and then let them flow when you are in safe spaces where other broken people. You got this.