You're cheating emotionally. Some times the partner who's being cheated on finds this kind of cheating worse than just a sexual slip up. It's time to end one of these relationships, now.
We have agreed to go on platonic dates (lift weights together, have coffee and talk, etc) and see how they go with the implied understanding that if they go well, maybe we should form an actual romantic relationship and be together.
My question is, how ethical is this? We're technically not cheating because we're not being intimate, and both of us aren't very happy with the idea of marrying our current partners, but at the same time, obviously our partners would not be happy if they knew our true intentions.
That's cheating. Just because their is nothing 'physical' it's still an affair. You are agreeing to start dating to 'see where it goes' and are hiding it from your spouses.
Just because you haven't slept together etc yet doesn't mean it is 'platonic'.
Platonic friends don't hang out with the intention of evaluating a romantic relationship. What you are describing is a romantic relationship
There are definitely a bunch of incel/ boomers on here saying a lot of dumb, hurtful stuff... Truthfully, no one's crap is ever that much cleaner than your own... So lets stop the 'cheater' calling.
It's totally normal to not be happy with your partner, there are people out there who are married and not happy. I bet a few of them are on this thread.
If you can see a life with this girl who you are going on platonic dates on and it seems more realistic than your current partners... Then it takes a lot of courage from both of you, but leave your partner, focus on yourself and keep going on platonic dates, slowly... See what happens. She has to leave her partner too; things won't just magically happen. See where it goes, but if you're not happy with your partner now, confront that first.
You should definitely go on those dates and make your move on the third date. Once you've started having sex with her, the sex will be better with your current partner and with your "platonic" girlfriend. You can keep this going for a few months if you've committed fully to the life of a player. But you have to get a rock solid excuse for why you are sometimes unavailable to fool your current partner for longer than that. It's not ethical at all but it's good sex all around.
I have a female friend I've known for about 3 years who I actually dated for awhile back when we originally met. Some major things happened in my life which caused that relationship to halt after only a pretty short time, like 2 months, but we remained in touch and then have reconnected some just over the last six months. We're both in relationships now, but through talking, it has come out on both sides that neither of us are thrilled about our respective relationships, and we both view each other as a potential long term partner, like with marriage and kids etc. We have agreed to go on platonic dates (lift weights together, have coffee and talk, etc) and see how they go with the implied understanding that if they go well, maybe we should form an actual romantic relationship and be together.
My question is, how ethical is this? We're technically not cheating because we're not being intimate, and both of us aren't very happy with the idea of marrying our current partners, but at the same time, obviously our partners would not be happy if they knew our true intentions. However, everyone is just trying to maximize their own happiness in life... What is best here?
It’s not unusual for a female to go out with her gay friends. Btw, you’re the gay friend. Is this your first week out of the closet?
I have a female friend I've known for about 3 years who I actually dated for awhile back when we originally met. Some major things happened in my life which caused that relationship to halt after only a pretty short time, like 2 months, but we remained in touch and then have reconnected some just over the last six months. We're both in relationships now, but through talking, it has come out on both sides that neither of us are thrilled about our respective relationships, and we both view each other as a potential long term partner, like with marriage and kids etc. We have agreed to go on platonic dates (lift weights together, have coffee and talk, etc) and see how they go with the implied understanding that if they go well, maybe we should form an actual romantic relationship and be together.
My question is, how ethical is this? We're technically not cheating because we're not being intimate, and both of us aren't very happy with the idea of marrying our current partners, but at the same time, obviously our partners would not be happy if they knew our true intentions. However, everyone is just trying to maximize their own happiness in life... What is best here?
If neither of you are married to those you have "relationships" with (looks like you aren't) or you haven't told those significant others that you are exclusive, then have at it.
Bottom line though is that this is obviously going down the path of getting back together with this "friend" of yours, so why not bite the bullet and be done with it already? If neither of you can see marrying the ones you are in relationships with, then why continue that? We're only on the planet for so long. Why waste your time?
I have a female friend I've known for about 3 years who I actually dated for awhile back when we originally met. Some major things happened in my life which caused that relationship to halt after only a pretty short time, like 2 months, but we remained in touch and then have reconnected some just over the last six months. We're both in relationships now, but through talking, it has come out on both sides that neither of us are thrilled about our respective relationships, and we both view each other as a potential long term partner, like with marriage and kids etc. We have agreed to go on platonic dates (lift weights together, have coffee and talk, etc) and see how they go with the implied understanding that if they go well, maybe we should form an actual romantic relationship and be together.
My question is, how ethical is this? We're technically not cheating because we're not being intimate, and both of us aren't very happy with the idea of marrying our current partners, but at the same time, obviously our partners would not be happy if they knew our true intentions. However, everyone is just trying to maximize their own happiness in life... What is best here?
Yes, you are cheating. What you (and she) are doing is stringing along your partners and keeping them as safety nets in case you two do not work out.
If you are keeping it a secret then that is a good indicator that it is unethical.
Your statement is an admission that there is attraction and a desire for a relationship.
Break up with your partners and start dating this person.
Break up with your current partner and start dating the new person. You already have doubts about your relationship, and if you don't pursue this one, you'll always wonder about what could have been. But like other people have said, end the relationship first before pursuing a new one. Ask me how I know...
Is it understood with your current significant other, either explicitly or implicitly, that you are in an exclusive monogamous relationship? If so, going on platonic dates to "see where it goes" is in direct contradiction to this.
There is nothing wrong with having female friends outside of your significant other. There is also nothing wrong with hanging out with them on your own. However, you are using these "platonic dates" as an audition for ditching your current significant other for this other person. This is really rotten to your current significant other. They deserve better.
Why don't the two of you just break off your current relationships since you said that they don't appear to be long term. Then both of you would be free to be with each other.
We have agreed to go on platonicdates (lift weights together, have coffee and talk, etc) and see how they go with the implied understanding that if they go well, maybe we should form an actual romantic relationship and be together.
We have agreed to go on platonic dates (lift weights together, have coffee and talk, etc) and see how they go with the implied understanding that if they go well, maybe we should form an actual romantic relationship and be together.
My question is, how ethical is this? We're technically not cheating because we're not being intimate, and both of us aren't very happy with the idea of marrying our current partners, but at the same time, obviously our partners would not be happy if they knew our true intentions.
That's cheating. Just because their is nothing 'physical' it's still an affair. You are agreeing to start dating to 'see where it goes' and are hiding it from your spouses.
Just because you haven't slept together etc yet doesn't mean it is 'platonic'.
Platonic friends don't hang out with the intention of evaluating a romantic relationship. What you are describing is a romantic relationship
Fortunately, he's not married.
I assume your current partners don't know about this which means it's 100% not a good idea. Going out with this woman and getting to know here better on its own might be a great idea.
I'd say even if your partners knew what you were doing it would be a bad idea but WSJ below might disagree.
But if you're not happy with your current relationship and you're not married why are you in it?
Wall Street Journal has an article on "The Workout Spouse" or what I'll call the "The Running Spouse". It presents these one on one workout relationships with the opposite sex as being strictly platonic and a good idea.Most o...
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