If you're thinking of a long term relationship. She's being herself and everything that comes along with her. Ask yourself a question with an honest answer. Can you live with it?
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She's a drama queen. She's using the dog's death and the holiday season as an excuse to treat you badly. After New Years she'll think of another reason to manufacture drama. She'll constantly think of ways to try to trick you into putting up with bad behavior. Evil, manipulative women do this. Get rid of her.
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Toxic Johnny wrote:
8#=-\'9y8;ilfyuk wrote:
So you're 32 years old, can't hold down a relationship with a woman for more than 3 months, start trying to impose dated sexist stereotypes on her while doing a supposedly relaxing activity like watching a film, and sulk the day after if she disagrees with you?
Are you sure she hasn't dumped you already?
You know you can get blow up dolls, or women from countries that have no options, that will never disagree with anything you say, right?
I don’t see what’s dated about that “stereotype.” OP is is right - it is rare for a man to date a much older woman.
Maybe, but the poster doesn't exactly sound like a scintillating conversationalist.
63 -
In the words of one of the greatest thinkers of our time:
”Stop trying to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.”
Al Bundy
205 -
She appears to be displaying trauma triggered reactions that manifest as overreaction to what you feel is trivial. Worst case scenario is full blown borderline personality disorder.
When dealing with someone like this, there is no hope unless the person is aware that they have emotional issues and is willing to make a reasonable effort to address them whether it's medication or therapy or both.
It takes a long time and a lot of work for a person with these issues to change.
If you put with these issues and normalize them, then you will suffer a slow burn of being verbally abused and traumatized over time. It can cause you to seek out other crazy women in the future.
Overall, usually it's not worth it to stay in these situations and go with your gut that something is very wrong. Sometimes the person can have a lot of wonderful qualities and it's worth it to stick it out longer. Again, only if they are aware they need help and are willing to try to do something about it.
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Joe John wrote:
I've been seeing a girl for about 3 months. We really hit it off right from the start, felt like we were a couple almost right away. Been hanging out and doing different things together 2-4X per week over this time period. At first, things were great, we had a lot of fun, and we both laughed a lot. We are both a bit unconventional and nerdy, and I was really viewing this as something that had potential for a serious LTR, but at the same time I kept myself grounded in telling myself it's early, I don't know her that well yet.
Well, fast-forward a little, and the last month has gotten increasingly not great. There have been multiple times now where we have plans to hang out and do something, and she is in a total shet mood for no reason and gets mad and tries to start an argument over totally benign things, like nothing I would expect anyone to be upset about at all. Stupid example, we watched a movie recently where there was a large age gap between the man and the woman who fell for each other with the woman being older, and when talking about the movie after I stated it's pretty uncommon for the woman to be more than 5 years older than the guy in relationships, and she got mad and tried to argue. I felt like I had stated a mundane objective fact, nothing more or less, certainly nothing to get upset about. Like wtf?
There have been good times too, but probably 3 of the last 5 times we hung out were between okay and wtf, and today when we woke up, rather than having morning fun times like we normally do, I felt so disgusted by her behavior from the previous night still that I just got up and left.
So, here's the catch. Her dog, who she had an extremely close relationship with, died unexpectedly about 8 weeks ago, and I know it's affecting her. The holidays are also a really stressful time for her because there are some problems in her family, and Christmas time kind of just makes her feel bad. She is 25 too, kind of young, and I am 32. I get she is stressed and grieving etc, but it feels like she's taking it out on me with zero awareness and for zero reason.
I am thinking right now I am going to try to have a talk with her about all of this and see how it goes, but I'm not feeling very confident about the relationship right now. Behavior this bad this early in the relationship is a pretty bad sign in my experience. Thoughts?
People actually read this essay? Couldn’t get through the first sentence.
29 -
Assuming this is real you need to have a conversation with her. What is the past family trauma and is it something that will cause permanent long term issues or something as she ages will go away. There is a big difference between abuse and a divorce for example.
40 -
8#=-'9y8;ilfyuk wrote:
Joe John wrote:
I've been seeing a girl for about 3 months. We really hit it off right from the start, felt like we were a couple
Stupid example, we watched a movie recently where there was a large age gap between the man and the woman who fell for each other with the woman being older, and when talking about the movie after I stated it's pretty uncommon for the woman to be more than 5 years older than the guy in relationships, and she got mad and tried to argue.
There have been good times too, but probably 3 of the last 5 times we hung out were between okay and wtf, and today when we woke up, rather than having morning fun times like we normally do, I felt so disgusted by her behavior from the previous night still that I just got up and left.
So you're 32 years old, can't hold down a relationship with a woman for more than 3 months, start trying to impose dated sexist stereotypes on her while doing a supposedly relaxing activity like watching a film, and sulk the day after if she disagrees with you?
Are you sure she hasn't dumped you already?
You know you can get blow up dolls, or women from countries that have no options, that will never disagree with anything you say, right?
So, the reason I used that example is because of how completely nonsensical it seems to me to get upset about. I wasn't trying to "impose" anything or make any judgements whatsoever. Just stating a fact/observation. To me getting upset over that makes about as much sense as getting upset at someone for saying summer is warmer than winter.
I have noticed that when she's in a bad mood, she becomes extremely emotionally reactive, not like screaming or yelling or anything like that, but she has intense emotions and tries to fight or gets upset over things that would be completely normal, practically emotionless conversation with anyone else. Like I said, there have still been good times, but the weird/bad times have been prevalent enough that I feel like I basically can't even speak in her presence without the possibility that she'll get upset about something.
Idk... I guess I'm just really disappointed because it seemed so great early on, like there was real potential here, and it is so bizarre to me that people behave so badly with seemingly no awareness. Like, why does anyone need explained to them that fighting all the time about nothing is not conducive to happiness in life? Doesn't make any sense to me.
33 -
Hey,
This is what dating is for. You try out things and if it is too much trouble, move on. The one to have a LTR with is the one who things are easy with. Your partner should "get it" already and there should be fewer hurdles.
101 -
There once was a village called Alemagne. In it lived 2 siblings - Hansel and Gretel. They had no school bus and had to run 5km every day to school and back. Uphill they took 30:35 or so and downhill (back home) 20:10. They didn't have money for new shoes every 500 miles and so they would wear their shoes until it got holes in the front and in the soles. One day Gretel hit her toes on a stone, and fell down. She stopped and picked it up. Hansel made fun - Eww what an ugly stone. What are you gonna do with it? Gretel said with self-doubt in her mind - I'm going to keep it. She made a note to herself to post a note on the school's bulletin board asking for advice.
Everyday after they came back from school, Gretel would finish her Movities biscuits with Nutella spread and then go back to her room to pick up the stone. She would turn it over and over in her little hands until it got warm. Hansel would see her do this and laugh at her and mock her mercilessly. But she would shoulder on. Then one fine spring day, a hummingbird showed up outside their window. It was glistening like gold when the sunlight caught it at the correct angles. Gretel took this as a sign from above. She pushed aside her glass of Vitamin D fortified milk and went to her room and picked up her stone. She started turning it over and then suddenly it started glistening. All that warmth and sweat and tears that she poured into nurturing the stone had worn down the cold, dark, exterior, ultimately revealing what lied beneath.
.......
It was a 20 carat diamond!
35 -
Joe John wrote:
8#=-'9y8;ilfyuk wrote:
So you're 32 years old, can't hold down a relationship with a woman for more than 3 months, start trying to impose dated sexist stereotypes on her while doing a supposedly relaxing activity like watching a film, and sulk the day after if she disagrees with you?
Are you sure she hasn't dumped you already?
You know you can get blow up dolls, or women from countries that have no options, that will never disagree with anything you say, right?
So, the reason I used that example is because of how completely nonsensical it seems to me to get upset about. I wasn't trying to "impose" anything or make any judgements whatsoever. Just stating a fact/observation. To me getting upset over that makes about as much sense as getting upset at someone for saying summer is warmer than winter.
I have noticed that when she's in a bad mood, she becomes extremely emotionally reactive, not like screaming or yelling or anything like that, but she has intense emotions and tries to fight or gets upset over things that would be completely normal, practically emotionless conversation with anyone else. Like I said, there have still been good times, but the weird/bad times have been prevalent enough that I feel like I basically can't even speak in her presence without the possibility that she'll get upset about something.
Idk... I guess I'm just really disappointed because it seemed so great early on, like there was real potential here, and it is so bizarre to me that people behave so badly with seemingly no awareness. Like, why does anyone need explained to them that fighting all the time about nothing is not conducive to happiness in life? Doesn't make any sense to me.
There's a reason about 60% of marriages end in divorce and probably about 30-35% of the remainder are either miserable or simply tolerating the other partner. Most people, men and women, are not particularly good... Not in the sense to that you can maintain a healthy long term romantic relationship with.
52 -
Joe John wrote:
8#=-'9y8;ilfyuk wrote:
So you're 32 years old, can't hold down a relationship with a woman for more than 3 months, start trying to impose dated sexist stereotypes on her while doing a supposedly relaxing activity like watching a film, and sulk the day after if she disagrees with you?
Are you sure she hasn't dumped you already?
You know you can get blow up dolls, or women from countries that have no options, that will never disagree with anything you say, right?
So, the reason I used that example is because of how completely nonsensical it seems to me to get upset about. I wasn't trying to "impose" anything or make any judgements whatsoever. Just stating a fact/observation. To me getting upset over that makes about as much sense as getting upset at someone for saying summer is warmer than winter.
I have noticed that when she's in a bad mood, she becomes extremely emotionally reactive, not like screaming or yelling or anything like that, but she has intense emotions and tries to fight or gets upset over things that would be completely normal, practically emotionless conversation with anyone else. Like I said, there have still been good times, but the weird/bad times have been prevalent enough that I feel like I basically can't even speak in her presence without the possibility that she'll get upset about something.
Idk... I guess I'm just really disappointed because it seemed so great early on, like there was real potential here, and it is so bizarre to me that people behave so badly with seemingly no awareness. Like, why does anyone need explained to them that fighting all the time about nothing is not conducive to happiness in life? Doesn't make any sense to me.
You can't see any problems with your behaviour at all? The fact that you sulked the next morning, rather than getting over a quite minor disagreement about a movie theme? And your conversational topics aren't great either. Why would you even want to talk about that during a movie? Are you insecure because she's only 25 and you're in your thirties?
I hope you do let this young woman go free. You honestly don't sound great. You sound argumentative and intolerant and very rigid in your views. Have you been tested for ADHD or autism?
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Sounds like all talk and no shmukin' if ya know whadda mean. She said shmuck time is up and get the shmuck out.
11 -
8#=-'9y8;ilfyuk wrote:
Joe John wrote:
So, the reason I used that example is because of how completely nonsensical it seems to me to get upset about. I wasn't trying to "impose" anything or make any judgements whatsoever. Just stating a fact/observation. To me getting upset over that makes about as much sense as getting upset at someone for saying summer is warmer than winter.
I have noticed that when she's in a bad mood, she becomes extremely emotionally reactive, not like screaming or yelling or anything like that, but she has intense emotions and tries to fight or gets upset over things that would be completely normal, practically emotionless conversation with anyone else. Like I said, there have still been good times, but the weird/bad times have been prevalent enough that I feel like I basically can't even speak in her presence without the possibility that she'll get upset about something.
Idk... I guess I'm just really disappointed because it seemed so great early on, like there was real potential here, and it is so bizarre to me that people behave so badly with seemingly no awareness. Like, why does anyone need explained to them that fighting all the time about nothing is not conducive to happiness in life? Doesn't make any sense to me.
You can't see any problems with your behaviour at all? The fact that you sulked the next morning, rather than getting over a quite minor disagreement about a movie theme? And your conversational topics aren't great either. Why would you even want to talk about that during a movie? Are you insecure because she's only 25 and you're in your thirties?
I hope you do let this young woman go free. You honestly don't sound great. You sound argumentative and intolerant and very rigid in your views. Have you been tested for ADHD or autism?
Can't tell if you're trolling or not, but that was just one example of a pattern. It's not like that one thing set me off or made me "sulk" or anything. An ongoing pattern and repetition of this sort of behavior, sometimes to the exclusion of any positive interaction, has caused me to arrive at where I am now. And that was just one statement from the evening, not like a central topic of conversation. I think that should be obvious. It sounds like you're projecting a lot, if you're not trolling I mean.
104 -
I read your whole post, and your subsequent posts. It seems you know what to do, so do it. Time to gracefully exit this short relationship, learn from it, and move along. That's it, not everything works. The sooner you have the difficult, but necessary talk, the better for the both of you. Good luck, and better luck next time
100 -
Joe John wrote:
I've been seeing a girl for about 3 months. We really hit it off right from the start, felt like we were a couple almost right away. Been hanging out and doing different things together 2-4X per week over this time period. At first, things were great, we had a lot of fun, and we both laughed a lot. We are both a bit unconventional and nerdy, and I was really viewing this as something that had potential for a serious LTR, but at the same time I kept myself grounded in telling myself it's early, I don't know her that well yet.
Well, fast-forward a little, and the last month has gotten increasingly not great. There have been multiple times now where we have plans to hang out and do something, and she is in a total shet mood for no reason and gets mad and tries to start an argument over totally benign things, like nothing I would expect anyone to be upset about at all. Stupid example, we watched a movie recently where there was a large age gap between the man and the woman who fell for each other with the woman being older, and when talking about the movie after I stated it's pretty uncommon for the woman to be more than 5 years older than the guy in relationships, and she got mad and tried to argue. I felt like I had stated a mundane objective fact, nothing more or less, certainly nothing to get upset about. Like wtf?
There have been good times too, but probably 3 of the last 5 times we hung out were between okay and wtf, and today when we woke up, rather than having morning fun times like we normally do, I felt so disgusted by her behavior from the previous night still that I just got up and left.
So, here's the catch. Her dog, who she had an extremely close relationship with, died unexpectedly about 8 weeks ago, and I know it's affecting her. The holidays are also a really stressful time for her because there are some problems in her family, and Christmas time kind of just makes her feel bad. She is 25 too, kind of young, and I am 32. I get she is stressed and grieving etc, but it feels like she's taking it out on me with zero awareness and for zero reason.
I am thinking right now I am going to try to have a talk with her about all of this and see how it goes, but I'm not feeling very confident about the relationship right now. Behavior this bad this early in the relationship is a pretty bad sign in my experience. Thoughts?
I can't believe no one has suggested the obvious answer. Buy her a puppy for Christmas and move in soon after.
42 -
What do you want from life? You want a relationship with her? Put on your big boy pants and ask her what's going on. Otherwise leave and find your next two month relationship.
62 -
As if there's no one else out there. Move on.
11 -
I do have to admit I'm much more a fan of Argentina after reading this thread. Sounds like the type of demographics I look for in a neighborhood.
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Dude, this is why you date. Evaluation for a right fit.
Making the wrong decision here can lead to a lifetime of misery. Only you can know, but these sound like massive red flags to me. Things like this don't get better as people age. That's my opinion.
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