Divorce, why is it so complicated when most people don't have much?

Let's not forget the attorneys have an incentive to drag it out to collect more fees. The whole "we will fight for every penny mentality". Plus sometimes spouses will hide money and assets when they see a divorce looming on the horizon. It should be simple but the lawyers and divorcing spouses can be unreasonable and drag things out.

I don't consider refinancing a house to be complicated. If one party wants to keep the house the decision to refi is on them, the other party just wants the money. Just like if you were partners in a business and one wanted to sell the other has to buy that person out.

They have 3 choices:

1) write a check for half the value of the house.

2) refinance, in order to get the money to write a check for half the house.

3) sell the house and split.

The 401k split isn't complicated either, that's done by the company in charge of administering the plan.

How did that take so long??

You couldn't have had anything to split? How old were you?

This is true. It’s interesting to watch the spouse being emotional/unrealistic/a pain get a reality check seeing how big legal fees are going to be the more they drag things out instead of just taking the money (ie separation payout) being offered to split, especially once financial disclosures on both sides come out and they see the whole case just isn’t worth that much. Hopefully their own lawyer talks some common sense into them to just take the money the spouse is offering and sign the separation agreement

She dragged it out. I wanted to be done. We were both in our mid 20s

The fights usually happen because someone was cheating and using community funds on the girlfriend/boyfriend. The cheater usually has a secret credit card/bank account and the fur flies when the other party finds out about it. Most contentious divorces involve some sort of effort by one side to hide funds or has blown community funds on cheating.

It’s about not wanting the other party to get what they want. There may not be much left to split after every penny goes to the attorneys, but at least he/she didn’t get what he/she wants.

Or you could work on your tan and be divorced immediately...

In my case my attorney and I offered her a very fair and reasonable separation payout amount, but then she lawyered up and spent thousands on her own attorney fees to make numerous court filings and bring me to a court hearing (virtual due to COVID) before agreeing to the very same separation payout amount we offered her in the first place

Acrimony = complicated mess

Civility = pretty easy split

If lawyers get involved, it can become a disaster.

Divorces are rarely sane business decisions.

Bitterness and Anger are par for the course, as are opposing, unrealistic, or misinformed expectations. In those cases, the only winners are the lawyers.

I have seen divorces where both sides squabbled so hard and long, the divorce was only settled once there was nothing left to fight over. Both parties were broke from legal bills.

It's not always vindictive would-be-Ex's looking for sky-high payouts or overly-favourable asset distribution.

In some cases, temporary insanity manifests and one party may accept an unfair settlement. "I don't want a penny if it means I never have to see him/her again!" In those cases, even if both parties agree, a court will not approve a submission which is clearly unfair.

Because usually theres only enough money for one house, or the deposit for one house.

Women who give up their best earning years to bring up their spouse's children generally have that effort compensated for by the courts.

The best advice is to marry someone your equivalent in terms of attractiveness, earning power and assets. Many men cannot manage that, since the pool of attractive, high earning, asset owning women is relatively smaller than the male one. Some men also choose to marry down because they find women who are their equal intimidating. These men then generally make statements that women don't work or are only after money when the inevitable divorce happens due to cheating. Then theres predatory marriages, often when a man (or woman) marries someone much richer and often older and less attractive than them.

The number one reason for divorce is cheating. Most people don't get divorced before cheating. Cheaters cause a lot of martial upset and damage generally, especially when there are children involved.

What about talking to an estate attorney about a pre nup? Especially when it comes to gifts and trusts set up from boomer parents it could be a good idea?

There is another option: one party keeps the house and pays a monthly payment to the other for the value of the house (need to figure that out) at the time of the divorce. Let's say selling the house would net $10,000 and you do not have it. You could pay the other party $500/month for 20 months. If you sell the house before the 20 months, then the balance is due upon the sale of the house. Or you could pay that part and agree that whatever you have paid counts again the half of the proceeds.

Some states require a certain amount of time to lapse from the filing to the decree.

insider.com

These are the 11 most common reasons people get divorced, ranked

Gabbi Shaw

With the help of INSIDER Data, we've ranked the most common causes of divorce, from cheating to lack of premarital education.

Open link

This pegs #1 at a lack of commitment. I am guessing that affairs are often a result of other issues; more of a symptom/sign than the original cause. Because why did the person cheat in the first place?

The speed often depends on the state. Some states have a minimum time between filing and being actually divorced.

A colleague of mine was married for 8 years (1994-2002) and they're still fighting and going to court. They had 2 young daughters who are finally older than 21. He always stated that if they kept lawyers out of it and just gave the money to the daughters they'd all be better off.

She makes as much as him and is still going after his money. He's in his 36th year teaching and the reason he continues is to get as much as he can of a pension and to finally take home everything he earned instead of giving her a chunk. She's bringing him to court and wants to set the parameters of options for his pension.

It's a shame because he doesn't want to give anything to his daughters given all his ex-wife took that she used for herself and not them.

A typical brutal divorce.