Wife desires to relocate. I really don't. What would you do?

What is your wife's long-term plan/goal? Does she want to live in that town and work for that company for the remainder of her career? It's one thing to move there for 3 or 4 years and that won't really have much impace on your son. But it's quite another to expect you to move to a small town and put your career goals on hold for an indefinite period.

And you said your wife cannot get promoted in her current company unless she moves, but presumably if you live in a large metro there would be similar opportunities at other companies.

Is there any other reasons she wants to move back to her hometown? Do her parents still live there? Maybe she wants your kid around his grandparents more?

Also as women near 40 they tend to think of taking care of their parents more. I mean most likely the elderly parents will pass sooner than later.

Anyways, happy wife happy life

professional jogger wrote:

Stoppit Smith II wrote:

If you love money. You'll stay.

If you love your wife, you'll move.

This is a direct challenge to what your ego can take.

Take care of one or be a family man.

You left off the bit about the Kid's future.

Ok. My personal and professional opinion is that children with stable fathers come out more adjusted for a successful future from mid-range schools that focus on all of their students and not just the elites.

I can almost guarantee that the lower performing students at De La Salle HS in Concord aren't receiving the same education or regard as the top performers. Mid range schools tend to like the village concept, as do I.

#1 is have a frank discussion with your wife about the pros and cons for each of you. Both of you have to go into this with the goal of finding what's best for the family, not anyone individually. If you're willing to make sacrifices where needed you'll end up just fine. If you want what's best for you as your #1 priority (and same for her) it will likely be a brawl or you'll make the wrong decision.

#2 is your kid will make friends wherever you go. Your kid will likely make friends of a different background in the smaller town which would be good. (Diversity of thought is good). He would be a more well-rounded person because of it and he'll make new friends no problem. This is a non-issue and I'd take it off the table when making a decision.

#3 Your kid's academics are important but let's be real, smart kids are smart no matter what. School's greatest utility at that age is social education. The kid needs the social experiences that come with school and that will happen either way. Plus, he's 6. Who cares about elementary school rankings at that age?! Maybe moving away to a "normal" school would save him from your overbearing overachieving parenting style a bit. Someone above mentioned a rural upbringing would be fun. I've lived in both places and there are definitely qualities to living in a smaller town environment. There's also data to suggest that you're more likely to be successful coming from a small town.

#4 I don't buy many of the people's arguments on here that you're only focused on $$. I think a lot of value with work comes from progression in your careers which happens to come with larger paychecks. So even if you or she ends up with a less-than-maximum paycheck, if you can find ways to progress in your career without throwing everything out of whack, it might be just fine for everyone involved.

#5 A 45 min commute is no problem. Easy solution. Just move in the middle. Get a Tesla and have it auto pilot you to the office and back.

#6 Don't get so caught up in your career pursuits that your poor kid suffers from never having parents. My wife refuses to work so our kids have a mom at home raising them to be the best people they can be. It's very admirable. If she was dying to work, I'd step down and be the stay-at-home dad for a while. Your kid isn't a pet that can/should be taken care of by a surrogate while you're both at work. Kids need parents more than #1 ranked elementary schools.

Ya dun goofed when you married an ambitious career woman who is competing with you over breadwinner status. How's it feel having an arms race in your relationship?

Dual Income / With Kid wrote:

highhoppingworm wrote:

Post more data. Current salaries, prospective salaries, how much cheaper is COL, school quality etc. hard to have an opinion based on what you provided.

My salary: $135K and will be moving to $165K beginning in March.

Her salary: $125K. It will be $170K in late 2023 when the regional VP leaves. But she keep the $125K until 2023.

Cost of living (just calculated it): 35% cheaper in her hometown.

Current School: #1 Catholic School in the state, best All-Boys school in the state, A+ through Niche.com

New School: B- through Niche.com, otherwise it's unranked in all categories.

Putting a 6 year into an all boys schools is probably going to f-ck him up for life. So you need to solve that pronto.

Also...the thing about #1 ranking for a school that costs money is that a lot of times it's just self-selection...not really measuring how good the school is. The school likely concentrates a bunch of well-off kids who will do well on tests. Awesome! Is that going to help your kid tho? Is raising your kid around a bunch of well-off boys really a good move? Schools are a wash at best. Not a factor

(PS, not bad but your letting the troll edges show a little too obvious with the salaries.) Much better than most LRC attempts though. How long were you going to let it play out before you let it out that the issue really was that your wife will now be making more than you?

Get a Dodge Stratus and chill.

This is Letsrun - obviously it’s the woman’s fault for being unreasonable.

Here's my view, but admittedly I am VERY biased because I have NEVER attached any self worth to my job ever...not even a little bit.

1) Flat out move. Make your wife happy. A REAL MAN supports his family any way he can, and in this case, you have the opportunity to support her in doing something she really wants.

2) Your kid is 6. 6 year old kids make friends instantly. He will be more than fine.

3) Admittedly, I am also biased against private education. It does vary greatly depending on the state you are in, but in SOME religious schools, there is a certain percentage of students there that were cast offs from the local public school. I went to two very different public high schools, both for 2 years because my father got a promotion and we moved. The first one was ranked as one of the worst schools in the state. The second one was ranked as one of the best in the state. I didn't want to move, because friends in high school are a different deal than friends at age 6, BUT, the end result was this...at the bad school, the best students went to college and were successful...this was a smaller percentage than the good school. At the good school, the best students went to college and were successful. The schools just happened to be in different economic areas. The bad one had lots of working class people who didn't go to college and who didn't value education. The good one did. My parents told me from as young as I could remember that I was going to college. They were both college educated (Dad with a Ph.D., and Mom was a teacher and then later an RN (with a bachelor's degree). Point is that success starts and is crafted at home. Also...an all boys' school. Barf. Being able to socialize with the ladies is a valuable skill to pick up while in school.

4) You could also do the move halfway thing (well, if there's a town there)...or even move closer to her job. I know a guy who drove 90 miles each way to work for 30 years. TONS of people take an hour each way to work and then home. Big deal.

5) If it really comes down to staying where you are or moving all the way to the new town, I'd choose the new town if I were you. And, so, work remotely. So what if they let you go later. If you quit immediately, how is that not worse? She's going to be making $170,000 a year, and it's cheaper to live there, AND you won't be paying for private school. Damn. I'd do that in a heartbeat.

Difficult question. I would recommend making a big poster putting all options up there and rate them for all three of you.

As for living in the middle:

I know a family who did just that for the last 30 years. Dad commuted with the kids to the big city. Mom to the smaller town, she makes more money. The kids made it through that alright but they did spent a lot of time in cars commuting.

The dad hated the driving part and was happy when covid kept him in his home office.

So in my opinion living in the middle is the worst of all options.

Also keep in mind that things can change in companies quick. Managers leave, others come or the company could get sold. Also that should be part of the consideration.

Good luck with your decision making process.

PRs?

Tinny 2 Shoes wrote:

These type of thread are so lame. Dudes just post this so they can flex their salaries and pretend as if they have real issues. Get off Lets Run, seek advise from real life friends and family, pray on it, actually talk with your wife. You're a big boy, I'm sure you'll figure it out.

These salaries may seem large, but they don’t go very far with big houses, private schools, sports camps, car payments, etc. I hope the OP is wise with his money.

Lots of jobs on the east and west coast pay a lot more than the ones posted in this thread, with the cost of living probably being much higher.

u dun gufed wrote:

same as it ever wuz wrote:

This is Letsrun - obviously it’s the woman’s fault for being unreasonable.

The odds of this woman having any serious respect for him by knee capping him and forcing him into a beta stay at home dad position or low level job in Bumpkinville are very low. Have you ever been with a woman who has lost respect for you?

^^^90% chance this incel above has never been with a woman, ever.^^^

You can always tell the ones that get their alpha from a youtube video.

Soccer T's wrote:

u dun gufed wrote:

The odds of this woman having any serious respect for him by knee capping him and forcing him into a beta stay at home dad position or low level job in Bumpkinville are very low. Have you ever been with a woman who has lost respect for you?

^^^90% chance this incel above has never been with a woman, ever.^^^

You can always tell the ones that get their alpha from a youtube video.

My rogue's gallery would disagree with you, kuk.

I almost feel bad for "happy wife, happy life" losers such as yourself, but then I see how ferociously you defend the fantasy world you've created for yourself. You all get precisely what you deserve.

u dun gufed wrote:

same as it ever wuz wrote:

This is Letsrun - obviously it’s the woman’s fault for being unreasonable.

The odds of this woman having any serious respect for him by knee capping him and forcing him into a beta stay at home dad position or low level job in Bumpkinville are very low. Have you ever been with a woman who has lost respect for you?

Sounds like you are speaking from experience.

Move. Your city or suburb will soon be property of antifa as it’s probably ran by libs that have never critically thought in their life. Move to repub are asap or you’ll regret it.

u dun gufed wrote:

Soccer T's wrote:

^^^90% chance this incel above has never been with a woman, ever.^^^

You can always tell the ones that get their alpha from a youtube video.

My rogue's gallery would disagree with you, kuk.

I almost feel bad for "happy wife, happy life" losers such as yourself, but then I see how ferociously you defend the fantasy world you've created for yourself. You all get precisely what you deserve.

LOL....'rogues' gallery'.....what are doing sleeping with a bunch of homeless thieves? did you just read Don Juan or something? Are you going to challenge someone to a duel? slap someone with a glove? Keep us posted!

Stoppit Smith II wrote:

Dual Income / With Kid wrote:

My salary: $135K and will be moving to $165K beginning in March.

Her salary: $125K. It will be $170K in late 2023 when the regional VP leaves. But she keep the $125K until 2023.

Cost of living (just calculated it): 35% cheaper in her hometown.

Current School: #1 Catholic School in the state, best All-Boys school in the state, A+ through Niche.com

New School: B- through Niche.com, otherwise it's unranked in all categories.

Yes. It's going to come down to whether or not you love yourself more or your wife more.

Everything says move because it's not much different overall.

But would you rather you succeed despite her?

Or would you rather she succeed because of you.

You can be right or a good husband.

You could say the exact same thing in reverse to the wife.

OP:

Which place has better schools?