Should I take this $140k job?

Thanks for the kind words. My coach is a front-end dev and gave me great advice today. I have a background in writing and some software dev, looked at tech writing and UX but those are INCREDIBLY difficult to find jobs for in Central Ohio. The software dev pays a bit better and there are more jobs open for those roles but require different and much harder skillsets than tech writing and UX. I tried to even land contract roles with tech writing but failed (AEP, energy company).

My boss does like my work and she went to bat to management for me, but they gave me a boost to 42k. At age 38 that's still barely $20/hr.

I do income verification but finding out at this particular company, the only people that matter are:

1. Management

2. Marketing

3. Loan Officers--they bring in sales

Anyone in processing or underwriting is underpaid and underappreciated, but needed to help the company run though. But no bonuses or recognition. I was lucky my boss liked me and I had a hunch that had I not advocated for myself I would have never had a pay raise.

Where do you want to live?

How much longer does your wife want to work?

How ambitious are you?

Focusing on a salary amount is short term thinking.

I find neither option particularly appealing. Shop around for a better job. Think out of the box. Learn a new skill. Maybe start consulting. For me the issue of health insurance was what kept me from breaking away and doing my own thing for a while - until we had an emergency C-section with our 11th child and the insurance refused to pay for it because we did it at the wrong hospital. I felt cheated and vulnerable at first, then decided that I needed to adapt to the new reality and not trust in the traditional insurance anymore. So we got Christian Health Ministries, and I now I feel free to work for myself.

chogun wrote:

Where do you want to live?

How much longer does your wife want to work?

How ambitious are you?

Focusing on a salary amount is short term thinking.

Live? Somewhere warm. I have found that as the wife and I have moved through phases in life, our friends change or disappear. I am very close with my family, but already live far away so that doesn't factor in. So somewhere warm.

Wife? She just explained to me that she feels she chose a career that doesn't suit her natural style or skills, even though it makes good money, she would prefer to find another career. At the same time, we're not sure what that is yet. She is also torn between losing precious time with our children, wondering if they will lose out by not attending daycare, and worried about being alone with them all day. Or if I stay at my current job, she will be alone with them all week once per month (because of the travel). For those thinking I am an idiot for pursuing a partial travel career, you are right, but (something I haven't revealed yet) we thought we'd have a tremendous amount of help in shuttling kids to and from daycare and taking care of sickness from relatives but they have backed away from super grandparent status. We have asked for more help and get a no or begrudged yes if it's extremely dire. This has accelerated our requirement for a single-income household.

Ambitious? It's difficult to reveal the positions or structure without losing anonymity, but my ambitions continue to move as I continue to change jobs. At every step I seek to master my position and the position directly above mine. As I get exposure to other functions and jobs, this changes.

Not crazy pursuing a partial travel career - just sounds like one of the con’s on the list. I did that for 5 years before realizing during the pandemic how nice it was to not have to travel. Doesn’t mean people shouldn’t - again, just that it’s a con.

Still think you should keep looking for other opportunities. Networking can suck but honestly, compare the ROI of 10 hours networking to 10 hours of something else (spent on current job, housework, etc.). It’s high ROI and just neglected because you don’t *have* to do it and can feel awkward at first.

So what strikes me is you said life is difficult right now.... As a single income family, I make a tad over what you and wife would make (Dr.) if you make the move to the new job and we're very comfortable and easy going. Your increase is around 50k if you take the job. I certainly believe I could drop 50k and we'd still live very comfy. So I wonder if it's a money issue for your family? Maybe planning (assuming everything is ok in the marriage) is a bigger issue? Then again maybe it is having a parent stay home (she's an MBA from a solid school but loves being a stay at home mom better). Now granted we do not have expensive tastes and rarely eat out. I only spent 500k on our house in CO which is kinda typical in our area. It really does seem like you should be getting by on your current salary fine UNLESS you live in a more than CO expensive location?

If you’re going to uproot your family and go with option B, then make sure you get a commitment from the new employer on a minimum length contract, such as a year or two. You don’t want to get fired or quit for good reason and be completely screwed. You want to get paid through the duration of that contract to provide some protection for your family. Good luck!

Take the 140k job, and wait until May/June until you really need to decide. Don't give your 2-weeks notice until much closer to the new job. You can always back out of the new job later, or even keep applying for jobs. If they don't want you to start until July, they must know you will keep applying for jobs elsewhere. That's more than half a year away!

If Option 2 is either mortgage banking or some other kind of lending, you cannot do it with multiple kids, you will end up resenting your wife and getting divorced. If your current job is underpaying, apply for the better job and tell them you need more pay. Explain your plan to your boss and talk about work life balance a bit. If he shrugs you off move on, they don’t respect the work you do enough.

For reference most major corporations cannot make an offer unless you find a better offer. Just don’t mention you interviewed or they will eventually try and let you go.

Mr Turtle wrote:

Me staying home is not an option because that’s not my wheelhouse and my wife would end up working and taking care of the house!

I

This is the biggest red flag in your post. I don't understand this. Are you not capable of learning any of these skills? Did you move from mommy to wife? Really, if your wife worked full time, you still expect her to 100% take care of the kids and house?

I guarantee if you don't help, if you come home from your long days and don't help or do anything but drink and watch TV, you will be divorced within a couple years. The resentment will build and build.

Occam wrote:

Mr Turtle wrote:

Me staying home is not an option because that’s not my wheelhouse and my wife would end up working and taking care of the house!

I

Really, if your wife worked full time, you still expect her to 100% take care of the kids and house?

She has read every thing I've typed here, and all your responses, and hasn't come running to complain about my housework yet. I'll make sure to ask her about it tonight.

Jecht,

Some random advice/info for you.

1) If the two of you want to have kids, have kids. If you consider the cost of them, you will never do it. People have kids on less than you two make and do just fine.

2) How into the possibility of being a programmer are you? My daughter's boyfriend is 25, and while he has a degree in Computer Science, he was discovering that he didn't have any real world experience as a developer and that was holding him back (he didn't have any internships in college). So, he looked at what some companies were wanting, and he did some self-learning online and I think he got at least one certification in something. He did this in a matter of months, and then he landed a $60,000 junior developer job.

@Jecht, other than your marathon pacing efforts you seem like a pretty bright guy. :) Thinking about other roles in software development, have you considered a Business Analyst/Product Owner type of position? With experience they can make upwards of $100K, and outside of knowledge of software development methodologies (e.g. Scrum) and potentially industry expertise, they don't require a whole lot of specific skills/education. Asking as I'm just a halfway smart guy with a BA in History who started out as a BA and am now making $150K+ in Product Management.

or you can move to an area with an exceptional public school system and forego the private school?

Never take any job with high turnover. You will either be miserable and stuck in a bad job, or have to quit and change jobs again like the others before you. Wait until you find the perfect job. The market is good, keep looking.

My wife and I both kept working and parenting, but we both downsized our full time hours. It worked great because we could both ramp up our work at different times and make more if necessary., or ramp down the work if the kids needed more from us. What if you went to your current employer (the job that you have completely nailed) and said I want to do the same job, but only work 4 days a week for the same pay? Maybe you take two half days a week. Most people say, "my employer would never go for that. Nobody does that..." You would be surprised. I had a job for 10 years that required 25% travel that I excelled at. I told my employer that I would never travel due to personal family reasons. They balked at first, but everyone just got used to it and I got it done. It sounds like they don't want to lose you. Make them an offer that isn't just for more money.

Your wife could also work, but find something that she enjoys and doesn't have to be full time. That's what we did. My kids are all in college and I think seeing their mom work (she is still working) was great role modelling for my daughters. I think seeing me help around the house more and parent more (my wife still did more than me, but I did a good amount of house work through the years and was around a lot to help shuttle kids, pick up groceries, get the oil changed, etc...) was also good role modelling for my kids.

Good luck!

Mr Turtle wrote:

Me staying home is not an option because that’s not my wheelhouse and my wife would end up working and taking care of the house!

This is part I keep coming back to. If you were the one to stay home, how would your wife end up taking care of the house? Are you not already doing your share of taking care of the house and children? How would she have more of a burden if you were to stay home?

I'm at 70k salary, with a nice benefits package and generous time-off and remote work options. That said, I'd be hard-pressed to pass up 140k; however, like others have said, if the work demands lead to so much turnover, it might not be worth it long-term. I'd consider going to your current employer with the current job offer and salary, but obviously you have a much better feel for how that could go. I legitimately hope it works out for you and your family either way you go. Good luck!

I just got 5%.

They acted like it was a promotion but when inflation is 4%, it's really nothing.

But, my job isn't that demanding anymore and I have good WLB as they say. Benefits and lots of vacation. So I'll stay for now until the kids get older and I don't need all the flexibility I have.

Thanks everyone, it sounds like the thread is getting to that point where things are going in circles. The house work comment really got blasted. It was meant to be somewhat of a joke, with shades of truth. I will say that right now, with 3 kids under 3, almost have one over 3, it takes a full team effort. I get it done (cook/clean/baths/yardwork/finances/feed kids/entertain kids), but the wife has an attention to detail and takes better care of the little things and she enjoys that. The separation of duties (working/house) are intriguing for both of us.

To the other comments saying 140k is hard to pass up, it really is. The truth is, at my current job, the reason they like me so much is that I'm a workhorse and very creative or investigative with problems. Leadership at my current job could be improved, but if I waited 5 years I could be the leader. However... at a capped pay level. While this specific future job opportunity has about 25% turnover per year, many of those individuals make lateral moves in the company. I am jumping into the "fast track" portion of the company, which does require some more effort and long hours. Many who go in want to get out because they aren't used to the grind, but they usually take an "exit" and find another role with the company. The culture accepts this. I know that if I went in, because I am used to working long hours and in charge of a good chunk of business already, I would handle it better than most. With a great support system at home (wife) and great people to bounce things off, it will work. I am going to heed the advice of the forum and take advantage of the generous PTO offerings and put my foot down to get home when I need to. Also, if I run a great business, I can let the business run and enjoy more time for myself. At my current company, I have peers being run into the ground with 70 hour weeks while I put in 45-50 with better results. I'm hoping this isn't a fluke.

Right now, my wife and I have leaned 90% toward this opportunity and are preparing to make the move. It's not a done deal on our end, but we think it'd be best for our family and future. Thank you to everyone who sincerely put effort into responding. Sometimes it's hard to relate to people on the internet, but you're a great group and give fantastic advice. Jecht, I'm rooting for you over the next 12 months and I've seen some great advice for you after my so-so advice.

You have 3 kids, no on option 2. How much money do you really need, and how willing are you to accept being unemployed in the South with three kids if, as you said, you get the short end of the "high turnover rate". Don't be greedy, don't be stupid; spend the time with your kids.