Top level high school runner...feel like a loser

I think you should try to make a friends group outside of running. And when you go to college, think about joining a fraternity, because they bring the social life to you. I don’t think quitting running will help you feel better, and it could help you a lot in college, both in friends, scholarship, dream school admission, and fraternity if you go that route.

The path to success is a lonely one. It’s truly a sacrifice. This applies to almost everyone.

You can’t do your weekend mileage if you’re hung over.

You can’t put all of your focus on your improvement if you need to focus on a relationship.

I’m a year removed from high school, I was decently popular, did some partying, and let me tell you: the relationships I formed in high school that are the most relevant to me today aren’t those I formed with my girlfriends, or “the cool kids”, it’s with my dorky teammates that I honestly still see as brothers and sisters. I don’t reminisce on the parties that had somewhat dangerous/scary consequences, I reminisce on things like my first time breaking 20:00, or 18:00, or 17:00 in the 5k, my first varsity race, my first time winning a race at a track meet, my first time qualifying for state etc.

You have been given such a talent that the majority of these people you wish to be like don’t have.

You’re not a loser. Losers don’t have your talent. Losers don’t have your work ethic, losers don’t have your ability to focus.

You shouldn’t feel like you are below these people. You are the one working and making a name for yourself while they take the easy route.

Keep grinding man. You have your whole life ahead of you. Seize this opportunity and get everything out of your talent that you can. You’ll have plenty of time to date and party after that.

Most people end up extremely unhealthy.

Stick with a decent performing group.

Use a scholarship for a good school, if you want.

I was in your same boat. 4:13/9:12 guy. Finally figured it out my senior year tho- go party. Sleep with lots of girls, eat edibles, drink now and then. Have a robust social life and your running will do better

Hey man, I found myself in a kinda similar situation my senior year of high school. I was afraid I was missing out on getting stupid drunk and girls and everything. I was never invited to parties really, I only had my small group of 2-3 friends with whom I was very close. One of those friends was connected to larger social circle and would frequently party. If any of the rest of us wanted to party we would simply hang out with him that night. So I decided senior year I wanted to see what the social party life was all about and I started going to parties and drinking a little. Turns out it wasn’t for me. As much as I wanted to party, if you don’t grow up steeped in the culture of partying, which includes lack of direction and poor mental health, it’s very hard to enjoy. Everyone gets way more drunk than you will, and the most impregnable part (for me), you must be an extrovert through and through. It is no use going and pretending to be an extrovert either. Once you go to the parties, their mysticism wears off and you see that everyone there is really quite sad. So spring of Senior year I returned to the grind of running and found it was much much more enjoyable and gratifying now that I knew I really wanted to do it.

It might seem like I’m saying stick with running because partying is lame, but that’s quite the opposite. I really think you should stick your neck out there are and try it out. Then you may decide for yourself if you like it.

The most likely outcome is that you decide you enjoy having a few drinks but would rather share them with a few friends then be at a party, which I agree with wholeheartedly.

What will always be true, is that you should have a steady social group. Partying may be antithetical to running, but a social life in general is not. You won’t have to sacrifice running to hang with friends. Luckily for me I’ve had the same friends since forever so I never had to make friends. If you are lacking a solid friend group start with the track team, it’s easiest to befriend people who have the same hobby as you. And also, nobody says you have go drink with losers either, you can just drink with the team, organize a beer mile or something.

Idk what my thesis here is but hopefully sharing my experience helped. I think you are on the right track, it’s good to realize there is more to life than running.

Always remember, the Cool guys feel just as insecure.

Why would you care about any of that stuff?? It's meaningless. Your accomplishments as a runner are wonderful. You inspire others and have a purpose. Screwing around with party dorks is garbage. Trust me. If you want social interaction, hang out with your teammates just being goofballs and enjoying their company. Don't even go near the party boys and their ilk. It will destroy you in the long run, no pun intended.

Let me guess, you’re an introvert? High school is tough for everyone, especially introverts. Are you buddies with other guys on the team?

I was an introvert, but I started becoming more fun when I would party on the weekends with classmates. Then back at school still an introvert and people would comment on how fun I was outside of school when drunk. I didn’t run back then.

I’ll tell you that it’s overrated. Getting girls is the best part about partying, even that was sporadic for me. I certainly don’t condone underage drinking, although I did it. Definitely NEVER drink and drive.

Focus on your talent, it’s rare. College is different and people will appreciate your dedication if you run for your school. Hit the gym and get some muscle mass, I’m just assuming youre skinny. It will give you confidence and girls will notice. It doesn’t take much when you are young to add 5 lbs of muscle, and on a skinny frame will be noticeable.

Don’t go down the path of getting drunk all the time. Stay positive, be confident, hang with the girls team and it will eventually all come together.

Anyone can get drunk. It takes zero skill and minimal effort. Running fast requires discipline and effort. It’s making you a better person, regardless of whether you can see that. Plus, with running, your chances of turning into a bloated, out of shape couch potato by 30 are significantly lower.

I ran for a good college with lots of recruits just like you. Even though you’re talented, sometimes running isn’t what you enjoy. I’ve seen people as fast as you hang up the spikes for partying, frats, school, no love in training, or other passions. This is perfectly ok. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to do it. I suggest at least waiting until college to make a drastic decision like this but think about it. Life’s to short to not have fun.

I can’t stress this enough: it’s a blessing to have so much purpose at a young age. Don’t waste it. It’s the biggest regret of my life that I did.

I was a good junior tennis player in a similar situation to you in regards to training and a sense that I was missing out in hanging out with friends. I had sponsors and coaches telling me I could go pro - I at least had the athleticism in spades.

At 16 I quit. It was a choice of going full time or sticking with school. I wanted to be able to party more, to be able to join the impromptu meet ups after school, to be able to even relate to kids when discussing TV shows or popular music, and to be a flat track bully playing school sports with kids who were a step slower than I was - to be a big fish in a small pond.

Around that time I also hit the jackpot with puberty and basically had 2.5 years of the most idealised ‘high school’ experience you could ask for. It’s overrated.

You approach 19 or so, and head off to uni (or whatever), and see other people finally trying to find their purpose. And, around the same time you’ll see the pay-off for all of those kids who had been that purpose young - through sport, the arts etc - and merely went through that period of ‘sacrifice’ 5-10, or even 15, years prior to everyone. You see the opportunities these people have, you see the drive and direction and you miss it.

In my case it was watching three kids I’d grown up playing with - none of whom were particularly talented - playing at junior Wimbledon. Then it was kids I knew growing up getting a role in a TV show, or playing for a professional football team. It’s continued, pretty much unabated, through my 20s.

The big myth about being ‘young’ is that it takes much time at all to get all the milestone experiences. The truth is it doesn’t.

You, as a runner - and through the sacrifices that entails - aren’t prevented from hitting the enjoyable milestones of high school. The parties all blur into one, as do the friends and as do the girls. I can’t stress this enough. It also feels a lot better - and earned - when you’re a student athlete and there’s more novelty to it.

It’s also worth nothing that high school hierarchies are fickle. Some people simply won’t be ‘popular’ due to the underlying social dynamics of being around the same people for years etc. I certainly wouldn’t bank on quitting a sport as being the solution.

Develop some interests outside of running.

Cultivate a complete personality. Don't be that one dimensional runner dude. Running is your thing. Don't assume than anyone else gives two chits about it.

If you have superiority complex (in actuality, a defense mechanism hiding your insecurities), then drop it. Congratulate the ball sport guys on their wins, tell a few girls that they look amazing today, etc. Too many runners get caught up in the notion that they are better than everyone else. This is very off putting to people and reinforces stereotypes about runners being weird self absorbed little jerks. If you are acting this way, that might explain why you don't get invited to stuff.

Minimize the amount of time that you spend on LRC. There are a lot of angry, broken, self absorbed, and socially maladjusted people here. Peruse any topics and you will come across people that are exactly what you fear becoming. Sadly, they are in their 30s or 40s and will be lonely, depressed, and miserable until the day they die. Why? Because they never evolved beyond being a lonely running obsessed high school kid. Do not get sucked into their world by spending hours on this board.

Examine whether you truly love this sport or if you do it because it is the only one that you are good at? If it feels like an obligation, then the life of a college scholarship athlete will only add more commitment and pressure to your days.

Finally, set a hard goal and a drop dead date on your running career. This will motivate you and will help you to avoid being that aging guy who was always mediocre. I still race a little for fun but, relationships and career goals mean more than age group medals and chasing old man glory. Unless you are a professional athlete, no one but you gives a crap about your racing exploits. When you are dying alone in a care home, your still standing course record at the Podunk Falls Cherry Festival 5K will not bring you comfort nor impress the low paid nursing assistant changing your diaper. Sadly, I think that we all know some LRC posters that are going to go out like this.

Do some soul searching, young man. I will conclude by telling you that running can greatly enhance your life, but it should never become the sole focus of your life.

Thanks for the advice guys. One other thing I have to admit is that in attempt to be "cool" I have become a bit of a bully. I don't usually instigate it myself, but I certainly don't try to stop it and join in pretty often. It makes me feel bad because I know it's wrong (these are the kids who can't really defend themselves) but it makes me feel somewhat accepted and creates a disconnected between those kids and me. I hate to say it, but there have actually been some positive social consequences to becoming a jerk, even though it's not really what I want to be. I just feel like there isn't really anyone to talk with this stuff about.

Be yourself and keep running man. Once you accept who you are and get comfortable in your own skin, things will fall into place. F the rest of them "You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle." LB

needsomehelp wrote:

Thanks for the advice guys. One other thing I have to admit is that in attempt to be "cool" I have become a bit of a bully. I don't usually instigate it myself, but I certainly don't try to stop it and join in pretty often. It makes me feel bad because I know it's wrong (these are the kids who can't really defend themselves) but it makes me feel somewhat accepted and creates a disconnected between those kids and me. I hate to say it, but there have actually been some positive social consequences to becoming a jerk, even though it's not really what I want to be. I just feel like there isn't really anyone to talk with this stuff about.

Easy trap to fall into to, especially in HS. You'll see a bit of it in college as well, but not nearly as much. Now that you've recognized it, what are you gonna do? Swimming upstream and bullying the bullies is the stuff of legends. You may lose a friend or two, but you'll gain twice that in self-respect and confidence.

Literally just join a good network.

Do you think you will miss the guys on drugs or dead when you're involved in ruling class work in an elite network?

Older guy here.

I was like you, OP, pouring my life into an individual sport at a fairly elite level, and not really having many connections with people in school who were doing normal high school things.

Things were much different in university, where I had an automatic group of like-minded people on my team, and it is also just a larger environment where people are looking to meet and new peer groups form.

I really think you'll be OK.

needsomehelp wrote:

Thanks for the advice guys. One other thing I have to admit is that in attempt to be "cool" I have become a bit of a bully. I don't usually instigate it myself, but I certainly don't try to stop it and join in pretty often. It makes me feel bad because I know it's wrong (these are the kids who can't really defend themselves) but it makes me feel somewhat accepted and creates a disconnected between those kids and me. I hate to say it, but there have actually been some positive social consequences to becoming a jerk, even though it's not really what I want to be. I just feel like there isn't really anyone to talk with this stuff about.

You're a real piece of work. Letting out bits of information at a time and stringing everyone along. See a psychiatrist.

Why cant you be fast and hang out with girls and party. Find a balance. It might even make you faster because you are happier.

College athletes find this balance. There are times you need to buckle down and prioritize your training and recovery, and there are times when you can party and cut loose a little. Dont box yourself in.