Wife of 4 years wants a divorce

DanM wrote:

Do you have enough cash so that you can immediately move into an apartment and continue to live there for the foreseeable future ? If so, then move out now. Get away from her ASAP. The faster you purge her from all aspects of your life, the better. You will be single again soon. Try to live as a single person in every way, shape and form. Find a girlfriend and be sure that your wife sees the two of you together, but only after the divorce.

This is terrible advice in every aspect.

The sad truth that I'm realizing more and more as I get older is that the only real way for a man to be happy in today's world is for him to entirely end his reliance on females. They're like a drug. You are attracted to it and you think you love it, but then when you embrace it, it destroys you.

You've been burned and you've learned your lesson the hard way. The best thing to do now is get yourself clean so to speak and make your own way while resisting the allure of females, who are naturally driven to put their own needs first and leave you gutted and broken.

A year from now you will regard her in a different way. Why bother about a woman who do'nt want you. This happens all the time. Just get rid of her. Later on in life, with your new wife, you will tell yourself: What the hell did I see in her? And just now. Do'nt be a dog with big sorrow eyes. And do'nt ask her for explanation. She does'nt love you anymore. Face realities and go on with your own life as soon as possible.

You're clearly oblivious to her unhappiness and communication problems between the two of you.

Been there unfortunately wrote:

1. Pray about it.

2. Ask her to go to counseling

3. Hire a lawyer.

4. Don't fight with her. It's not worth it.

5. It WILL get better. Hang in there.

Pray? How cute

do not listen to this guy wrote:

DanM wrote:

Do you have enough cash so that you can immediately move into an apartment and continue to live there for the foreseeable future ? If so, then move out now. Get away from her ASAP. The faster you purge her from all aspects of your life, the better. You will be single again soon. Try to live as a single person in every way, shape and form. Find a girlfriend and be sure that your wife sees the two of you together, but only after the divorce.

This is terrible advice in every aspect.

He should hang around and hope that she reconsiders ? Go to "counseling" ? Wait for her to spring the next surprise on him ?

The preferable alternative is for her to immediately move out.

Do not ask her to go to counseling. Do not appear needy and desperate to get her back, you will only weaken your position, degrade yourself, and make her even more determined to divorce you. Instead, accept it, and begin the process of moving on. If there is any chance of her coming back, she must come back on her own. Begin protecting yourself and your interests immediately. You must read "The Rational Male" series by Rollo Tomassi immediately.

DanM wrote:

do not listen to this guy wrote:

This is terrible advice in every aspect.

He should hang around and hope that she reconsiders ? Go to "counseling" ? Wait for her to spring the next surprise on him ?

The preferable alternative is for her to immediately move out.

1. Moving out can have implications wrt settlement... although probably not as big a deal with no kids.

2. “be sure the wife sees the two of you together” - holding on to revenge or trying to get back at her in some way is silly and will prolong his agony of getting over this.

3. Some humility and introspection is not a bad thing. Before just giving in, he should seek possibilities of reconciling.

A lot of great advice already.

One thing I want to mention, OP, is that sometimes it does take time to emotionally move on. You’re a bit in shock so take time to process it for yourself. Go ahead and lawyer up, do everything else, but also make sure you talk about it with someone (therapist, family, friend.) This will not be the end of you and it helps to talk to somebody so you eventually realize it: you WILL come out stronger. It just takes time.

But it will happen. Be kind to yourself right now.

Rick Sanchez wrote:

Take most of the liquid marital assets and pay off debt asap. She'll get the assets. You'll get the debts. How that stuff works.

So if you act quick and use the cash to pay off debts, that leaves less she can take and debts you can be left with? So using joint accounts or something like that?

Remember this BEFORE you talk about getting married. If either of you insist upon keeping significant amounts of assets in separate accounts, then the marriage is more likely to be doomed from the start.

"But research suggests there's a compelling reason to consider 100 percent joint pooling of bank accounts: happiness."

"Across five studies they reported in a working paper, University College of London's Joe Gladstone, Notre Dame's Emily Garbinsky and UCLA Anderson's Cassie Mogilner Holmes found that long-term committed couples who pool all their money into joint bank accounts are happier in their relationship and less likely to break up, compared to couples that keep some or all of their money separate."

https://phys.org/news/2019-02-joint-bank-accounts-happier-couples.html

Show her that you're fine with divorcing.

Protect your assets, don't give up anything --- and move on immediately.

Be happy, and move right along with your life.

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She works in construction, with construction guys all around her??? You can find someone much better.

P.S. Take off that mask!

If they own a house, then I disagree with moving out, because then she'd get the house and he'd end up paying for it.

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He can create his own space in the house, while moving on and doing his own things.

This message board has gotten pathetic.

35 replies and not a single "This thread is useless without pics" mention.

I am disappointed in all of you.

That being said, OP, if you would kindly provide pics of her I could offer you some advice.

This message board has gotten pathetic.

35 replies and not a single "This thread is useless without pics" mention.

I am disappointed in all of you.

That being said, OP, if you would kindly provide pics of her I could offer you some advice.

This message board has gotten pathetic.

35 replies and not a single "This thread is useless without pics" mention.

I am disappointed in all of you.

That being said, OP, if you would kindly provide pics of her I could offer you some advice.

do not listen to this guy wrote:

DanM wrote:

He should hang around and hope that she reconsiders ? Go to "counseling" ? Wait for her to spring the next surprise on him ?

The preferable alternative is for her to immediately move out.

1. Moving out can have implications wrt settlement... although probably not as big a deal with no kids.

2. “be sure the wife sees the two of you together” - holding on to revenge or trying to get back at her in some way is silly and will prolong his agony of getting over this.

3. Some humility and introspection is not a bad thing. Before just giving in, he should seek possibilities of reconciling.

If she's boinking elsewhere after 4 years, who can trust her?

Move on

Swaglord_the_real_one wrote:

Rick Sanchez wrote:

Take most of the liquid marital assets and pay off debt asap. She'll get the assets. You'll get the debts. How that stuff works.

So if you act quick and use the cash to pay off debts, that leaves less she can take and debts you can be left with? So using joint accounts or something like that?

Yes, any liquid marital asset, and that will vary by state. It also gives less money for her to lawyer up.