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Top Rider Admits Embarrassment with Cycling Clothing
April 1, 2008

World-class French cyclist, Renaldo Cabrera, admitted Tuesday that he has become ashamed to don the colorful clothing that is synonymous with the sport. The garish outfits, now worn by even the most casual bicyclist, have long been a source of consternation for Cabrera and other riders that prefer anonymity. The announcement came on the heels of the ever present cloud of performance enhancement allegations that has sullied bicycling waters and threatened further to damage the very fabric of the sport.

“I hate wearing all those silly outfits,” said Cabrera from his chateau in Southern France. “I feel like a little schoolgirl with pigtails going to her first dance and trying to impress the boys. It’s bad enough that the jerseys are skin tight, but when you add in the hot pink and lime green, I feel like a total sissy. I know its taboo to talk about it, but its gotten so I just want to stay indoors and avoid riding outside altogether. A man has his dignity you know.”

Photo by .koltregaskes'

“I’m not totally surprised with Renaldo’s comments,” said Tomas Dierkson, founder of Le’ Equipe racing team. “I’ve been hearing rumblings of discontentment from a number of riders in regard to the design of the apparel. One rider told me he felt like a ‘super-hero in drag’ while another complained that young toughs routinely pelted him with rotten tomatoes whenever he rode by. I think with cyclists having enough problems with the doping troubles, that looking like a circus clown on two wheels is just too much.”

“Why all the obnoxious colors?” asked Cabrera out loud. “Why can’t cyclists be more like runners and just get out there and do their thing without having to look like a goddamn princess? It’s enough to make me puke.”

Dierkson said he would look into the situation and make changes if it was necessary. “I’ll see what the market wants. Personally, looking stylish is important to me. But, we’ll do whatever the public demands.”

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