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Stanford's Louis Luchini: I'm Better than Brendan O'Keefe at Everything
April 1, 2004

Stanford distance star and Maine's finest Louis Luchini has confirmed for the record that he is better at everything than his fellow high school teammate Brendan O'Keefe of Brown.

Running of course is taken for granted, as Luchini is a 10 time all-American, while O'Keefe is a very good college runner (runner-up in the Heps in the mile), but never an All-American.

But ladies and gentlemen, Luchini is not just talking about running, he said he is better than O'Keefe at everything, and O'Keefe's Brown teammates have confirmed it.

From running, to picking up women, to checkers, to eating a Vermonster by himself, to eating a bowl of wasabi, to doing keg stands (not that a Stanford runner has ever done a keg stand), you get the idea, Luchini is better at it than O'Keefe.

"It's kind of sad, really. I guess Brendan is an ok lad, but truth be told Louis really is so much better than him at everything. Coming from Maine, Brendan has an inferiority complex to begin with, so perhaps he tries to make up for it by proving he's better than Louis at something, but it's just not the case.  It's kind of embarrassing really, and hopefully he'll stop trying to one up Louis before he hurts himself," said one unidentified member of the Brown track team.

Luchini when reached for comment, attributed all of his success to O'Keefe: "People think Stanford students must be intrinsically motivated, but it's not the case at all. Beating Brendan O'Keefe is my motivation for everything. But I must admit it's getting pretty boring as now that you point it out, it (beating O'Keefe) is pretty easy to do."

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