protecting daughter from coaches prior to the state meet

teach your kid to respect other people and be friendly to her coach(es).

jesus christ, No wonder she is picked on if she isn't friendly to people.

Thanks for the advice. She does respect people and she is friendly... but not when people try to hurt her. Thanks again.

Bring along your lawyer.

Tell your daughter that in life she will not always get to work with people she likes.

uber wrote:

Thanks for the advice. She does respect people and she is friendly... but not when people try to hurt her. Thanks again.

so you are saying the coaches started this and tried to hurt her?

sorry but I've seen this lots of times and usually it's the kid in the wrong and the parents can't see it

Yes, Observation, I completely agree, and that is what we have been telling her throughout this season. So far, it has worked ok, but I want to mitigate any issues for the last week, particularly she ends up in a situation of being alone with the coaches.

Roller of Eyes, I totally understand how you'd reach your conclusion as I have seen the same thing you're describing (and how I am sounding) many times myself. I am not looking to throw the coaches under the bus. And, if the team makes it, I am not going for any different treatment for my daughter. Is it completely out of bounds for her parents (both collegiate all-americans) to want to give the coaches a break for the last week? :)

They are not disparaging to just my daughter... they're little people who's kingdom is the xc team. So, yes, I do think they get off on upsetting young people who are easy targets. And, I do not want my daughter to be alone with them without her teammates around.

On a somewhat unrelated note... when coaches get busted for sexual assaulting kids (which is also more about control than it is the sex), do you all circle the wagons and blame the athlete for not accepting that that's just the way it goes sometimes in the world we live in? Just curious.

Male or female coaches? If male I wouldn't allow her to ride alone with the coaches in their POV regardless

You're comparing your daughter not getting along with a coach to sexual assault? And they are the little people living in a personal bubble?

But.........you are a troll. Writing that both parents are all-american and then putting a little smile at the end of the sentence where you suggest that the coaches shouldn't finish coaching the season was a little over the top.

Pertaining to the last week of training, when we had an individual make it to the State meet, most of the team worked out with him, to support him and keep our own seasons going.

A female chapperone should definitely be on any trip where there's a solitary female athlete and a male coach. May be in school district rules somewhere.

uber wrote:I am pretty sure they would perceive me as being a difficult parent

Yeah, I knew my sexual assault bit was maybe a little over the top almost like Godwin's law. But, I think some will get the point.

I've been on the boards for a long time, so a few "troll-ish" mannerisms may have been employed (like the smiley face) - I give you that. But the situation is real, and I haven't falsified anything. I hate HATE bringing up on LR that my wife and I were AA back in the day, but I do want to convey that maybe we have an idea of what it is like to run on a team, respect coaches that may not completely be your cup of tea, and might have perspectives/knowledge (especially about our own daughter) that a coach who hates being there (but enjoys the measly $1,500, I guess) may not have. Again, I understand that's the way it is in a lot of HS programs, and I don't want to make a big stink about it... I just don't want to embrace the suck any more than we have to.

kksddalf, thanks for the first productive tip. I will look into the school's policy. Also, I bet a number of the girls would probably continue training, and that would help.

elephino, ha ha... that is funny! But seriously again, we haven't said one word (and have helped in many ways) despite seeing a fair bit that is downright wrong. But go ahead and keep on poking at me since I'm the one that's here!

Talk to the athletic director and/or principal about the situation.

I agree with the Op's concern.

If this was my daughter, I would raise h E double l, and would make sure she was protected from abusive adults.

uber wrote:

On a somewhat unrelated note... when coaches get busted for sexual assaulting kids (which is also more about control than it is the sex), do you all circle the wagons and blame the athlete for not accepting that that's just the way it goes sometimes in the world we live in? Just curious.

Um, what?

If a coach sexually assaults someone, any person with a brain does not blame the athlete.

What moron does that?

Since you said "somewhat unrelated" I'm inclined to think your daughter has experienced something of this nature before.

If that's the case, pull your pants up and get your lawyer, sir.

One of my sons had a bad coach for track one year. The guy was clueless about distance training and somewhat of a jerk. I told my son that it was unlikely that the school would not solve the problem, so use it as an opportunity to learn how to work around difficult people and still accomplish your goals. He didn't have a great track season but he learned a valuable lesson and went on to have good senior XC and tack seasons and a satisfying college running experience. It's only high school athletics, don't get too wound up about it.

Why don't you tell us what the coaches actually did? Without knowing that, it's impossible to give you advice.

OK... my original question was "How can I have my daughter interact as little as possible with the HS Coach if the she qualifies for the state meet, but the team doesn't?" And, I want it to be as easy (no drama) as possible.

I am not looking for a discussion on whether or not I am justified in wanting this as I feel certain on that front. I have considered being upfront (and I acknowledge the advice) and talking with them and then the AD and/or principal. But, I think this would cause more of a scene than I would like, and I do not think the coaches would like it either. I would like an effective excuse that would not put the onus on the coaches (allows them to "save face").

There has not been, at least to my knowledge, a situation of sexual assault. I was merely providing an easy example that we all have at least read about where the coach is clearly at fault - that it is not always the athlete who is not being respectful and brings mistreatment upon themselves (as has been the common criticism in this thread). In that vein, it would be false to claim that EVERY instance in which a coach and athletes do not get along, it is the fault of the athlete. That said, I agree that it often is the athlete... so, I understand the criticism, but am asking that responses generously provide the benefit of doubt in order so that my question can be answered (and avoid unsolicited advice as well meaning and sound as it may be). If you don't know of a method/excuse to keep my daughter separated, or do not think it would be necessary, then perhaps the best response would be to not reply.

If some of you MUST know why I think the coach has a deprecating attitude towards my daughter... The coach and I are from the same area. I am a few years younger. I ran a lot better, and as crazy (so unstable) as it seems, I think he is taking it out on my daughter and does not want her to run well. Of course, that would require an extreme amount of pettiness, but I have seen that come out in other ways. For example, at our recent district meet, the coach not only wanted to win the varsity race, but also the JV race. So, he took the number 6 and 7 runners and put them on JV to try to win that race (and in the process kind of screwed with the 6th and 7th runners heads a bit). Another example, is that the coach refuses to acknowledge my daughter after races (at all) even after winning outright.

The comment that this is just high school athletics and not to get too wound up is spot on, and we most often laugh at many of the things that the coaches say and do. It is OK if the coach doesn't like my daughter (for whatever silly reason he may have) and that may result in a less than ideal situation - that's fine. BUT, for just one week I want my daughter to be able to focus on the meet without having to overcome whatever negativity he'll try to burden her with in efforts to instill doubt in her mind. I understand that overcoming such things is life, but I don't think it is wrong as a parent to try to minimize it whenever possible, especially for underclassman students.

but what did they do? wrote:

Why don't you tell us what the coaches actually did? Without knowing that, it's impossible to give you advice.

Yes, I'm curious also. What did they do?

Every couple of years I have an athlete who breaks the team's rules and there are consequences for that. Most of the time the parents back the kid up no matter what they do which is sometimes very telling about their behavior.

I've even had a kid threaten my life the next day follwing a practice when I made the team do a cool down in the rain. The principal found out and teh police were brought in and the parents claimed that I was partially to blame.

Maybe try the ol' reverse psychology approach. Tell him how good he'll look if his runner does well at state. Play to his ego. He may be vain enough to fall for it.