You Might Be a Helicopter Parent if...

Nothing is over the top. There is no top.

My heli is full of cash and fuel to burn - just watch my next trick this week.

I think you got the direction of causality wrong.

parallel wif da earf wrote:

I think you got the direction of causality wrong.

Agreed. XC races are incredibly boring to watch unless it's your teammates or kid. And if your kid is 97th in the JV race, its still pretty boring.

parallel wif da earf wrote:

I think you got the direction of causality wrong.

Successful athletes create helicopter parents? Maybe. The relationship might be causal or correlative but either way: More active parents = better athletes.

Showing up to your kids' sporting events to cheer them on is *not* being a helicopter parent.

If parent packed the kids' running gear and served them snack, or drove them in their car so they didn't have to take the smelly old bus, or constantly complained to the coaches because their kid didn't start, or insisted on changes to the coach's training schedule, that would be helicopter parenting.

What you described is called "being supportive".

Athletic Supporter wrote:

The parents of our large high school XC team participate at vastly different levels. Some attend everything event including travel meets. But the majority show up for very few events.

What I've noticed is that the most involved parents tend to have the best performing kids. So the helicopter parent might be a necessary evil for a successful team.

What level of parent involvement is typical for high school teams you are familiar with? What's over-the-top?

I guess I would be a "helicopter" parent. I go to all of my daughter's track and cross country meets, volunteer to time, or whatever, am the distance coach and co-director of my son's summer track program, and of course I attend all of his meets too and will continue to do so when he's in middle school next fall and then beyond and into high school. Will be a little tough when they have meets on the same day in different places, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

I would say that yes my kids are among the best performing. My daughter's specialty is the 800 (was the best on her middle school team; we'll see about high school), though she's vastly improving in CC this fall, and my son is better the longer the distance goes and I believe has some decent talent (he's already won some decent races in very good times for his age). I predict he will end up being a better high school cross country runner than I was, and I ran 15:48. One of the best things about cross country and track though is that you can ALWAYS be in competition with yourself. I will enjoy seeing them get better and better, even if they end up not being the best on their teams. I know a guy who was state runner up 3 times total in the 3200 and cc in high school, and the guy that beat him for the state title each time was his own teammate. So, this guy was the second best runner in the state and pretty much never won a race because the best runner was on his own team. I've told my kids that story just so that they concern themselves with being the best they can be, not just winning.

What drives what though? I went to all of their soccer games when they were younger too, and while my daughter was ok, my son was not at all...he was faster than most of them, but he had no nose for the ball or how to get it in the goal...just not his thing. So, I would like to think I'd be going to their events even if they weren't any good, and I think history proves that. For some parents, they go only because their kid is good...we do like to see our kids do well after all.

Some parents are just involved. All things being equal, a kid with an involved parent (most of the time) will do better than a kid with one who doesn't give a damn.

Part of the reason I go to all of my kid's activities is that my parents had jobs that mostly prohibited them from attending any even when I was in high school. I think my dad went to literally 2 or 3 of my high school cc and track events combined. I don't care that he didn't, but I want to see my kids do what they do, even if they aren't good at it.

Yet another area Americans will try to label black or white because most are incapable of seeing anything else.

We have become an either-or nation. Sad really.

Coached XC and TnF for 15 years at the high school level. Had equal number of nut job parents from under achieving kids and high performing kids. Had the parents of stud kids show up for everything and stud kids parents I barely meet.

Dont generalize for your our comfort level.

I don't think my parents went to a single HS track meet of mine. Maybe one, I can't remember.

I was the top scorer on the team in my senior year.

They did go to a couple of college meets, though.

I was a middle child. And I had two syblings that were in elementary school when I was in HS and they would have had to drag them out to the meets. Track meets are pretty boring.

I only lost 3 races starting from my junior year and going to the end of my senior year. My parents never saw me race even one time. Thats how I liked it.

They went to all my baseball games from age 4-14 though.

I thought "helicopter parent" referred to parents of college kids that were around too much - the idea being that since they didn't live near by they must be coming around in a helicopter. Presumably in high school they only live a few miles away at most.

Also, wasn't the term sort of meant to be derogatory, since presumably the people using it thought that parents shouldn't be hanging around their kids in college. It's certainly okay to be involved in your child's life when they are in high school.

In summary, I believe that your usage of the term "helicopter parent" is incorrect.

My dad went to all of my high school xc races. I didnt consider him a helechopter parent because he ran track in college and just ate that shit up with a spoon.

jibbly wibbly wrote:

My dad went to all of my high school xc races. I didnt consider him a helechopter parent because he ran track in college and just ate that shit up with a spoon.

Maybe he should've sat and read with you more often. "Helechopter"? Really?

A helicopter parent "hovers" over a child, no matter the child's age. Thus the helicopter reference, at least that is my understanding. These parents rarely let their kids think or do anything for themselves. Their child's successes are THEIR successes. That's why when the child fails at something, they take it so personally and go off the deep end to "correct" the injustice. One of the weirdest examples out there is Mothers wrapped up in their daughter's love lives (I'm a mom). If the daughter has a boyfriend, it is almost affirmation to Mom that she (MOM) is wanted and pretty. I've seen moms get more upset over a teenage break-up than the daughter. Weird. Sometimes the best parents are the ones you don't see as much. I liked the above post about the "Team Parents" who go to meets to support the kids, but don't meddle in the coach's business. That's the way parents should be.

Wise Guy wrote:

I thought "helicopter parent" referred to parents of college kids that were around too much - the idea being that since they didn't live near by they must be coming around in a helicopter. Presumably in high school they only live a few miles away at most.

Also, wasn't the term sort of meant to be derogatory, since presumably the people using it thought that parents shouldn't be hanging around their kids in college. It's certainly okay to be involved in your child's life when they are in high school.

In summary, I believe that your usage of the term "helicopter parent" is incorrect.

Like I said, my parents didn't come to my meets and had kids spread at all ages. 13 years difference in oldest and youngest.

I have two daughters, two years apart.

We'll probably see everything they ever do.

But we will give them space. Let coaches and teachers do their job.

Helicopter parents tend to be medling.

That also seems like a sensible definition. I have definitely had a few acquaintances with parents like that.

I think any and all track/cross country support is great.

I don't understand how parents can go wacko in track/cross country. Either their kid runs faster than the other kids on the team or their kid doesn't. There's not much room for debate.

In this-- track/cross country is completely different from other sports. It is almost impossible for parents to be over-involved.

4runner wrote:

I think any and all track/cross country support is great.

I don't understand how parents can go wacko in track/cross country. Either their kid runs faster than the other kids on the team or their kid doesn't. There's not much room for debate.

In this-- track/cross country is completely different from other sports. It is almost impossible for parents to be over-involved.

Exactly.

Well.... wrote:

Showing up to your kids' sporting events to cheer them on is *not* being a helicopter parent.

If parent packed the kids' running gear and served them snack, or drove them in their car so they didn't have to take the smelly old bus, or constantly complained to the coaches because their kid didn't start, or insisted on changes to the coach's training schedule, that would be helicopter parenting.

What you described is called "being supportive".

Yep, this is accurate. I was a decent runner myself in highschool and still get a little sad (26yrs later) that my parents weren't at my big meets like the state finals. I don't want my kids to feel that way, we only have them for such a short time.

My kids all run cross country and the two oldest are decent, not great, runners and that's fine. We try to go to most of our kids meets, we cheer for all the their teammates from Varsity on down to the Open race and position ourselves all over the course on race day. We figure they are not going to hear anyone else cheering for them like in football or basketball, this is where supportive parents are necessary. The team parents make sure the kids have water and snacks after their race and the coaches have expressed numerous times their appreciation for all of our support. That is the nature of Cross Country, the parents are the only fans these kids have.

The only time I can say I complained to a coach was when my kids were in junior high and the coach didn't have a good handle on the morale of the team at the time. My kids (and many of the other kids) were so hurt by some of the coach's methods and would confide in me and I couldn't take it anymore. I did not go over the coach's head and complain to the AD, I went right to the coach and expressed myself. It wasn't received very well, but I still don't regret it. Kids in junior high still need plenty of parental involvement. Although that coach never admitted fault, the kids noticed a big diffence in the way the coach handled things after that, so it was worth it.

I've been an athlete with little parental support, and a parent where I supported my kids as much as possible.

As an athlete, my parents rarely attended my races - probably due to fairly long drives to meets in both HS and college. Plus, my dad was near the top-end of his career path, so had little time for work/family balance - however, he did see me run at state my senior year in HS. I think they maybe saw 5-10 meets total in eight HS and college years - XC, indoor track, outdoor track - that's 24 seasons. And only once attended a road race (the old Cascade RunOff in Portland).

I think that it may have come from the fact that my dad loved baseball and tennis - which I quit playing once I got to highschool (except recreation type tennis). I was into soccer and running - and they never understood those sports as being exciting.

Fast forward to me becoming a parent of a very successful runner in HS - my wife was the HS coach of XC and distance - and I was involved quite a bit in helping out on logistics. And I took vacation days if necessary to see him race where ever he did (including airplanes, hotels, etc when he went to big meets like Arcadia or Stanford in HS; or NCAA meets like nationals in Terre Haute when in college).

I think I learned from my parents lack of involvement that I wanted to see and be involved in how my sons were doing - and that I actually enjoy watching them compete (win or lose) - I just get a kick out of watching them race or compete in other sports. The bonus comes when they ask you for advice - I tend not to give advice unless asked, or if I see something that seems to obvious not to say something....

So, I don't think I was "helicopter"...as in hovering over my kids, and having to approve or disapprove of everything. They tend to make pretty good choices and are relatively "low maintenance" when I look around at other parents'/kids' relationships....