Im only in my mid twenties. I have a kid and my wife is finishing a masters and I am in grad school/work. I have been running 50 miles a week the last few weeks. And I would have to be oblivious to not be aware that to run each day for an hour is a sacrifice (for me and my wife!). I can totally understand why people get out of shape. Sometimes you need to cut back. But I am also grateful my wife and I support one another to meet our goals. Not everyone has that.
Seems like the men here make a lot of excuses. Yeah, life does become more difficult as your responsibilities increase but there is no way that people cannot put forth the bare minimum to live a healthy lifestyle. Kids, jobs, marriages, etc. If you value your health you will make time for it. The best parents do it in a way that involves the kids because they need exercise and health too. It's just a skill issue OP, to answer your question. The same people complaining here are the same ones who never broke 15 in a 5K, or if they were in the hunter-gatherer ages "man that deer was just too fast, or the sabertooth came in and third-partied my loot." Not to mention, being out of shape is just selfish. You would let a hooligan or a gang member be physically superior to you and you could do nothing to prevent them from harming your family? Yeah no thanks. I'll be 60 and going sub 17 probably. sub 19 at 70. At 80, sub 22. 90 i'll be faster than you guys in your 40's.
Just no. I can't imagine anyone wants to be around you so there are bigger problems. What a weird response.
I am not one that gave up staying fit. Now 70 and the same weight and height as when I graduated from high school I started as a swimmer at the age of 10, moved to running in college and triathlons in my mid 40s. What I have had to deal with during my 60 years of fitness is multiple people telling me that it wasn’t good for me, hard on my joints, bad for your heart, won’t help you live longer…..and whatever the latest headlines proclaimed. Most of society doesn’t understand the value but in my 70s my doctor certainly does. He says we need to keep you moving because it is great for your health and longevity.
Raising 3 daughters with my wife of 47 years, coaching them in sports, directing their tournaments and chaperoning their traveling tournaments, working and traveling full time as a sales executive, I always found time to do at a minimum of a three mile run. I can’t imagine surviving the day without some form of running, biking or swimming.
All of my daughters, son-in-laws, grandkids and my lovely wife all exercise on a regular basis. I want to think it is in part from the example I set over the years.
I do find that regardless of what you do over the years, your speed will leave you and you will lose muscle mass. A couple of years back I was running with a buddy who was a NCAA steeplechase champion running for Bowerman. He has run over 180k miles. He looked down at his legs as we ran up a hill and exclaimed, “I have wrinkly legs”.
In my experience weight gain is one of those things that's easy to be apathetic about. A pound here and a pound there wasn't a big deal. Sure that eventually became 30 pounds, but it happened so slowly that it never really startled me into action if that makes sense.
30 y/o male and ran/cycled/worked out a ton throughout 20s (mostly run). Been dealing with a torn labrum this year in hip that will likely need repair soon. Haven't been able to train as much at all and pulled the plug on running about a month ago. So just cycling and gym for now until I get in with local arthro specialist.
Point being, injuries add up and the body aging will be my only excuse personally. Full intention to get back to running but it might take a while. I can see how that would start to defeat people though when the joy of movement is replaced with pain and frustration.
I’m 43 and still in pretty good shape (about 6’2, 185 with low body fat).
I am married but we don’t have kids. Even without kids it’s getting harder every year. The fire is still there, but my body just isn’t as resilient as it used to be. I’ve had issues with my knees, hips, back and all sorts of muscle strains.
Now instead of blasting 5-8 miles and lifting some weights, I have to run 15 min easy and do more functional style weight workouts, maybe some yoga or cycling some days. Even swimming throws my back out sometimes.
Point being, exercise like I do now can be pretty boring and doesn’t give the same rush. I can imagine as your body gives out you are less and less inclined to exercise.
Job + kids + family time + household chores + exercise + personal leisure + sleep
If you don't like exercising or have a good routine it's easy to let it slip. Most people feel like they're making a genuine tradeoff
Then when you get out of shape it's self-reinforcing. Working out sucks when you're out of shape.
You left off the biggest factor: injuries. Once they start, the things you mention make one's fitness get squeezed out more and more.
spouses
kids
money
job demands
chronic nagging stuff for everyone who played hurt or got hurt playing and it didn't heal right
more sudden orthopedic injuries
may get where you can't play your original favorite sport
college sports were organized but free, adult sports you have to hunt down opportunities and perhaps pay for them or convince someone to let you join their team
you can pay to set up a team or do races but that requires resources some only get later 20s or past 30
some people will work their butt off for meets or seasons but get aimless when there's no scheduled thing
being interested in fitness or performance is not the same as looking hot
sometimes informal pickup stuff gets shut down by the school whose facilities it is on, or the cops -- a regular kickaround at the HS that had you in good shape is shut down because the football team doesn't like their field getting torn up
you've played sports since you were 5 and want to try out other aspects of self
I'm assuming you don't have kids...have a couple of kids and hit 40 for starters and you may understand a bit more. The rest of your life becomes not just busy but quite stressful. Marriage becomes a lot more work, your free time disappears, and usually your career gets more involved.
Some people just give up as a result and drink more and eat more garbage without working out as a psychological cope
Everyone and their dumber neighbor has kids… congrats on completing the tutorial. Why don’t you challenge yourself like me: build a $100M business, keep a real family together, coach a middle-school team, climb Everest for breast-cancer research, and run three triathlons for kids with early-onset dementia… then you can start acting like a tough guy, buddy.
I'm assuming you don't have kids...have a couple of kids and hit 40 for starters and you may understand a bit more. The rest of your life becomes not just busy but quite stressful. Marriage becomes a lot more work, your free time disappears, and usually your career gets more involved.
Some people just give up as a result and drink more and eat more garbage without working out as a psychological cope
I don’t have kids but how many athletes have kids? Doesn’t stop them. I’m not going to take a job that overtakes my life, too. Why would I put a job before my mental and physical well being?
Athletes have the disposable income to outsource all of the tasks / chores that really suck the life and energy out of you. Child care, household chores, shopping, etc.
True story - so easy to lose it all when you are in that scenario. There is simply no time or energy for it. If you make time for it, you are sacrificing something else.
Usually women end up getting fat, so there is no need for the man to stay in shape to look good for his wife. Further, it's hard to find the time to work out when you have to work overtime to pay for your wife's food.
Or your wife is working 50-70 hours per week and is the mother of your three kids, and makes more money than you, and you could get off your butt and help by making a healthy dinner sometimes.
Why do middle aged married men often give up on staying fit? I am in my early 30s married and I primarily work out for myself. I love it and it keeps me sane. But I also want to look good for my wife. However it seems when men get into their 40s or 50s they often give up trying to look good for their spouse. Anyone here have any experience letting yourself go? I would be embarrassed if I became out of shape. I know there is more to physical appearances, but I believe you should want your spouse to still find you attractive. If you get out of shape the wife should push you to do better imo.
Have you ever tried running in your 50's, well? Let us know how much fun it is when you get that age...
Rookies Sheesh~~~~~~~~~~~
This. I'm 56, and the first km of every run is hell. You're stiff, the achilles tendons scream. Not to mention how you feel a few hours after a run.
Time Hack 1: use kids sports as an opportunity to exercise. I was glad to see a bunch of other people posted this in the middle of the thread, but rather than sit on bleachers and make small talk with other parents, you can run loops around the field or do other exercises. My wife would do the same thing, and sometimes even our kid who was not playing would join us.
Time Hack 2: find a commute that allows you to exercise. This one involves money and tradeoffs--choosing a place to live based on a reasonable distance/path for exercise often costs more or gives you less in other areas. But for me this is my top priority when choosing where to live. Instead of sitting in a car or standing on a subway for 30-45 minutes each way, I'm getting two runs or bike rides a day and my family doesn't notice any difference.
My observation is people get out of shape (permanently) because they get out of shape (temporarily). Life happens, if you need 50 MPW to avoid weight gain, you’ll eventually hit that injury or the fourth cold in five weeks and balloon up. Few come back from 50# extra. The people that could take layoffs and come back about the same could stick with it and stay in shape over the long haul. It’s harder and harder to lose weight as you age, the extra pounds make it harder to get out the door, and injury risk is higher with the extra weight. No one has a magic button to make it easy, but not getting deep in the hole is the only way I’ve seen people stay in somewhat good shape.
One thing not mentioned, or atleast I didn't see it yet, is to exercise during lunchbreaks at work. I did this for virtually my whole working career, as long as I can remember. Either outdoor for your chosen sport or a quick workout at a nearby gym.
I think I even arranged a longer lunchbreak than assigned in order to do this entirely above board and not cutting corners.
A workmate doing something similar pointed out an added benefit of doing this in that in our workplace atleast, lunch breaks were commonly little more than big compaining sessions, usually about work, and were a tremendous emotional drain, and best to be avoided.