Randy Oldman wrote:
So to sum up
- You're coach is dissing your daughter because he resents you for beating him in races.
(not unknown).
- You feel that talking with the AD or Principal would make the situation worse.
- The "DANGER" is limited to your daughter's confidence and ability to focus on the meet.
Is that correct?
The reason for the misconception in the replies was the implication that your daughter was in danger of sexual assault by her coach, both in the subject and your posts.
My advice, let the coach do his job, but be supportive of your daughter and let her know that just because the coach is an ass, it doesn't mean she's done anything wrong.
Then man up and sort it out.
Solid post - thank you. Obviously, I have written enough and I don't really care to try to convince fellow letsrunners why/how I've reached the conclusion that the coach sucks. I know it doesn't make sense (and would be rare) that he would have inferiority issues from high school and take it out on my daughter, but I am not sure what else it could be. Maybe I had a better relationship with our high school coach and he is jealous about that? I don't know. Last year in xc, it was fine because my daughter was relatively untrained and any running was good training. Also, she needed to find if running was something SHE wanted (without influence from us). Turned out that she wants to do it AND has some propensity for it. Then, last track season, she starts coming home saying that there seemed to be a lack of direction. The coaches seemed to be just winging it and not on the same page with each other. I figure that she might not be right, so I ask the coach if I could have the general workout schedule (understanding that tweaks are inevitable, even encouraged, from time to time). The coach says "no". I say "really?", and that was the end of conversation. Two days later they send me an email saying that we need to meet because my daughter is not running strides fast enough. I meet with them, and while it is cordial, at the end, I say "So, do you have a plan for the season - not just the meet schedule?" They said they did. So, I asked if I could see it? And, again, they said no. I reassured them that I would not even really look at it - I just kind of doubted that it existed when I wouldn’t be allowed to see it. They said, "It exists, and no, you can't see it even for one second." Then, they say that they talked to the AD about us (WTF?! Nothing had even happened yet, not even the slow strides!), and the AD said that if XC/track is not right for your daughter, she can choose to not participate. THEN, two days later, my daughter’s science teacher, who has NOTHING to do with the program asked her to stay after class, and he said, “Hey, trust your coaches… don’t do what your parents say. Do what makes you happy.” Again, WTF?! All we ever told her was to do what the coaches ask!? Maybe since I've known the coach for a long time and didn't come groveling on hands and knees, he took it badly. Again, I don't know, and I would not be surprised at all if there are some manic or psychological issues.
Needless to say, the coaches lost a lot of credibility with us (though we have been kind, have not offered advice, and have volunteered extensively. Nevertheless, ever since then, they have consistently been dilweeds. Nothing illegal, though. With the principal and AD, they could certainly deny everything. They are grown adults enjoying messing with a young girl. It is no huge deal, and we'll be fine. But, I know they are going to say something next week about how she is lucky to make it to State meet because they don’t see that she has much talent, feel her workouts have been poor, or isn’t the skinniest skin-n-bones runner ever, or whatever it takes to try to tweak her a bit. On it's face, it’s nothing huge, but when you put it along with their body of work of everything else they have said and done throughout the season, it sucks that they derive some sort of perverse pleasure in trying to negatively get in several of their runner's heads. They could have a great team, but my daughter is not the only one that has had to overcome the coach's comments/actions.. others haven't fared as well.
Again, the ONLY reason I mentioned how some coaches have physically assaulted runners is because everyone knows that in that situation, the coach is in the wrong by abusing their positional authority/proximity. Is that the only instance where it is the coach who is wrong, or could there be other times when a coach could be at fault?