I'm going to have a go at properly stopping. Has to be another me in here somewhere.
That's half the problem, thinking you are this negative emotional state that is really the product of dodgy chemistry. You are not your emotional state, but the drink and all the crap that comes with it convinces you that's who you are. Particularly if you've done it from a young age.
Good luck to anyone on their journey out of darkness where everything is cynical, negative and hopeless. To a world where happiness can happen, there is joy to be had.
What God means to me at this stage is an abstract concept to describe a concrete reality as yet not truly discovered. Intuitively and non-logically, to reject this thing that is called God leads to Hell.
And this Hell is to have wasted your life, rejected life. Lived like Gollum in the dark caves. But one day you will wake up, and then maybe it will be too late. And the pain that comes then will be so unbearable. Ghosts come from here, there was no peaceful closure, to reach out as the darkness takes you and find nothing. "One more chance!"
The argument here is that God, Hell, and Heaven are artistic and intuitive understandings of an objective reality that everyone faces. And because some people know and can see it, and what you will face, they want to save you.
In our Idiocracy of Consumption, where we guzzle down life like pigs we are led away from our own mortality not realizing that something within us will rise up at the end. Deep within us, that reason is often unaware of.