If the choice is owned by Jesus or a substance abuse, I would choose the former.
I'm not badmouthing the "higher power" aspect of AA, just commenting on it. If it were a matter of choice, I would also choose religious faith over addiction. Sadly, faith is not something one can summon up by choice. If it is not there, then it can't be willed into existence.
Anyway, 35 days sober, and I enjoy listening to my AA compatriots talking about their higher powers.Perhaps it will rub off on me in some manner. At the very least, I intend to keep coming back and continue not drinking each day. More than that I cannot ask for.
If the choice is owned by Jesus or a substance abuse, I would choose the former.
I'm not badmouthing the "higher power" aspect of AA, just commenting on it. If it were a matter of choice, I would also choose religious faith over addiction. Sadly, faith is not something one can summon up by choice. If it is not there, then it can't be willed into existence.
Anyway, 35 days sober, and I enjoy listening to my AA compatriots talking about their higher powers.Perhaps it will rub off on me in some manner. At the very least, I intend to keep coming back and continue not drinking each day. More than that I cannot ask for.
The thought was more philosophical, good and light, versus evil and dark. I realize this is a challenge, and wish you the best.
I have been there before myself, many times. I even had a very long streak a couple of years ago before thinking, "Oh. I hit my goal so I can start back up again now."
The difference this time is that I MADE A DECISION. Not "I want to stop" or "I need to stop" or "Life will be better if I stop" but ... "I am stopping. I don't drink anymore."
Both of these posts had me thinking about one aspect of sobriety that I've come to appreciate more than I expected when I look back at the last 16 months. That is, my day to day isn't consumed by the thoughts around alcohol nearly to the same degree. Meaning, if I drank the night before, obviously I don't have the all consuming thoughts of guilt and regret. Or worries about health, family, career, we all know the list.
But the other aspect of that now is I don't think about the fact that I'm sober ever day either, which is just as impactful. I have the time and space to let my brain focus on other things, family, for me and a lot of you, running, or whatever is interesting in the moment. Instead of that constant overarching theme that was part of nearly every decision I would make throughout the day. Again, we all know what that looks like when we're drinking, taking steps to just getting sober that day for work, when and where I'm going to resupply, how and when I'll drink next. Not to mention who will and won't know I'm drinking, how will I get rid of the empties (that was a daily thing for me) and so on. Getting and staying drunk becomes more than a fulltime job. And then when you get sober, it's how am I going to stay sober today? What incredibly frustrating feeling of regret will I face now that I'm dealing with all my stupid past decisions? Will I mess this up yet again? Instead of that fulltime job being an alcoholic, it shifts to being on the clock 24/7 staying sober.
At some point, probably in the last 3-4 months, all that started to fade a bit, and ALL the thoughts around alcohol no longer was top of mind, day in and day out. Are they completely gone? Of course not! I'm posting on this thread! But without a doubt alcohol, and sobriety, are not longer the FIRST thing that I identify with. And that's been awesome.
I turn 46 today. There will always be part of me that will appreciate I see another birthday because of my sobriety. But that won't be the point today. Instead, it'll be about what things my kids think I should be happy about because they believe birthdays are a huge deal. And the meal my wife makes me that I'll definitely have to say tastes amazing. In other words, the beautiful banality of another middle aged birthday. Without a single mention of my sobriety. Just how I want it.
Keep going everyone.
Lot's of truth in your post. Well said thanks for sharing. Made my fourth week of NA. Feeling stronger.
163. Decent speedwork today. Last night was a good test, very tempted to have a drink. Big swing not, being able to handle the family situation with a greater calm & patience. Then knock on effect Decent speed session this morning.
After a 2 day hangover where I felt really depressed, I decided to cut back. Have been reading this naked mind as suggested in this thread and I have to say whilst I don’t agree with all points in the book, my desire for alcohol has reduced dramatically. I’m still having 1 to 2 drinks on weekends but now feel like I have so much more energy
I went and ran the Grand Canyon south to north on Wednesday and ended up buying a bottle of whiskey afterward breaking my pathetic 39 day streak. So here I am on day flippin' 2 sober... At least I am nearly past the desire to shoot myself. Went back to AA this morning, and I'll be there again tomorrow. Came to work today and found a ton of booze left by a guest in one of the rooms. Haven't touched it, but the temptation is strong.
Legit question , but why not just chill out and drink less?
Every couple days I'll have a beer or two. Maybe 3-5 light beers on Saturdays to get a little buzzed but nowhere near "plastered". Sometimes I'll go 3 weeks forgetting that beer even exists because other shyte gets in the way.
Why the need to be so extreme? I see this thread constantly pop up near the top of this forum - the solution is simply to drink in moderation.
This post was edited 25 seconds after it was posted.
Legit question , but why not just chill out and drink less?
Every couple days I'll have a beer or two. Maybe 3-5 light beers on Saturdays to get a little buzzed but nowhere near "plastered". Sometimes I'll go 3 weeks forgetting that beer even exists because other shyte gets in the way.
Why the need to be so extreme? I see this thread constantly pop up near the top of this forum - the solution is simply to drink in moderation.
I’m glad that works for you. I wish it did for me. But it doesn’t. One drink is too many and a dozen isn’t enough. I tried this “only have one or two” probably a hundred times. If you want to call it a moral failing or say I have no self control or I’m weak willed, go for it. Another thing we say is what other people think of me is none of my business.
I could have kept trying moderate drinking and failing. Instead I chose in-patient treatment, intensive outpatient, and AA. It’s what work for me. 15 years sober the end of October.